My wife and I are watching Elf together and we saw the part where Buddy (Will Ferrell)'s real dad (James Caan) tells his wife about Buddy, and his wife (Mary Steenburgen) gets excited about this surprise adult kid that pops into their life from a time before they knew each other.
I point out to my wife that it's a little unbelievable that she (Mary Steenburgen) would immediately be on board. I then comment that she (my wife) would actually be mad at me in this situation, even if I genuinely did not know this kid existed and it was conceived before I had met her. She denies it, but I know my wife.
We're in our early 40s and have been married 10 years (together for 12). So, I need a 20ish kid to knock on the door and tell me they're my kid and that they just wanted to meet me. Gotta be convincing and really talk about how your mom and I were once really happy before she died of something tragic (dealer's choice).
Job pays $100. Gender, race, etc don't matter so long as you can pass for early 20s. Shouldn't take more than an hour of conversation then you "get a call" or something and have to leave.
I want to do this soon after the new year. You come up with the backstory, and I'll play along. I'll give you a little info up front after you take the job.
Edit: Holy cow I have several interested potential fake offspring. I am no longer taking applications. Did not expect so many willing people. I'll post the winning candidate in the coming days.
Edit 2: It looks like I not only have a potential fake kid, but the kid could actually pass as genetically me. I will post an update post after in the first week of January (hopefully not from a shelter).
First off, I am STILL married and my wife thoroughly enjoyed the prank (I didn't even have to sleep on the couch). So, to the very dramatic naysayers (several diagnosed me with a number of mental illnesses and at least as many said I was childish and cruel) to you I say, "You're probably right, however... nah nah nah-booboo, stick your head in doodoo."
We've been married a decade. We know each other well enough to know what's over the line and what's funny. That said, it was harder than I thought to secure a fake child.
Sure, I had a large number of interested parties and even a couple fabulous candidates (one of which actually looked enough like me that I started wondering if one of you got to my wife and we're pulling the ultimate Uno Reverse Card on my prank).
Unfortunately, "interested" and "committed" are two very different things. Multiple potential sons and daughters made it to the planning stage and found one reason or another to bail out.
Let me be clear, I do not blame these folks at all. I don't think I'd have the courage to send the first DM, let alone actually go through with the prank orchestrated by a complete stranger. But I did find a suitable actor with the courage to come through and I still think it was money well spent.
So here's a synopsis of how it played out (no, there's not a video):
Saturday afternoon, my doorbell rang. My dog lost his mind, as he is one to do, and my wife answered the door since I had pretended to take a call moments earlier.
"My son," looking about 20 to 25, taller and better looking than I, asked if I was home. My wife motioned to me (I had conveniently just ended my fake phone call) and I came to the door. "My son," who even shared my first name (his idea, not mine) said he had something "kind of strange" to talk to me about.
I asked if he wanted to come in (which literally almost blew the whole thing because I would sooner saw off my own foot than invite people in my house) but my wife didn't think much of it. We came to the living room, I offered him a drink, he declined.
"My son" is an excellent actor, by the way. He would later say it was the anxiety of the situation and not wanting to mess up that made his "nervous demeanor" so convincing. This is from memory, but it's pretty much everything. I'll let "my son" chime in with details should he feel like outing himself.
"Do you remember, 'Old Ex Girlfriend I Mentioned At Least Once In My Ten Year Marriage In Front Of My Wife?"
"Yeah...?"
"That's my mother..."
It was my wife who reacted first with "Oh no way!"
So I looked at her, feigning ignorance and then back at my son and said, "Is she ok?"
"Yeah she's fine, that's not why I'm here."
My wife was nearly busting out of her chair, totally engrossed and completely. consumed with two strong theories...
One: Her husband had a long lost son.
and more importantly
Two: Her husband hasn't figured out yet that he has a long lost son.
So I say, "Out with it kid, what's going on?"
"I'm 22 years old..."
My wife's eyes essentially bugged out of her head, having now confirmed her theories in her mind. She looks at me, seemingly annoyed that I hadn't put these obvious puzzle pieces together and INTERRUPTS my fake kid (nearly laughed but I held it together).
"I think he's telling you that he thinks you're his father."
My acting is not so great but I gave it a shot with "Wait, what?" My look of shock could use some work, but it played for the audience.
"My son" looked at me. "She's right. And I'm not here to ask for anything, in fact I don't have a lot of time to stay, but I just wanted to meet you and maybe exchange numbers?"
Me: "This is a lot to take in... I knew your mother a long time ago and she never said, I mean, I didn't know."
Him (I'm paraphrasing, but this kid deserves an Oscar): "She never told you. She only told me on Christmas morning. She didn't say anything bad about you, just that it was over and she was already dating my dad when she found out she was pregnant with me."
Me: "Wait, does you dad know?"
Him: "Of course! And I've always known he wasn't my biological father. He's a great dad but lately I'd been wondering who my real father was so I asked mom and she told me."
Me: "Wow" (I freely admit, I had the easy part)
My wife: (not saying anything, just taking it all in)
Not much else to tell in terms of the production. We exchanged numbers, then he got his own fake phone call reminding him he was late for something or other and I walked him out.
The rest of the production was just my wife and I. I came back to the living room, doing my best "bewildered" act. We talked about it (covered things like paternity tests, etc.) and it turns out...
I was waaaaaaaaaay wrong. My wife wasn't mad, miffed or even slightly annoyed. She was full-on amazed, excited and entertained by the whole thing. I waited a few hours before I fessed up, but before I did, she kept saying how "cool" it was that I might have a son.
And then when I told her it was all a bullshit lie I made up to prove a point, she laughed. A lot.
I can't decide what amused her more... the effort I put into the ruse or the fact that I ended up proving her right in the process.
Here a couple gems from wife after I told her the truth.
"Where the hell did you find that guy?" "I'm glad your son wasn't a serial killer." "I might have been mad if he came here looking for money." "Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong." "You know I'm going to get you back, right?"
That last one has me a little worried. :)
"Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong." 🤣🤣 I love your wife.
My favorite thing (and there are many) is when someone volunteered and mentioned they were queer and disabled and you said “do not change anything what kind of fake father would I be to not accept you”. You are funny and wholesome. 10/10.
This is the kind of prank that needs a lot more time to ruminate and ferment than a couple of weeks in order to properly get someone’s mickey. OP should’ve played the long game and waited six or seven months.
He started planning this prank immediately after the initial conversation, and then pulled it barely two weeks later. He must think very lowly of his wife's intelligence if he thought she believed this in any way. Seems more likely that her acting is just better than his.
OP is still right about the movie. There's a difference between a normal adult child showing up at your door and a mentally ill man child dressed in an elf outfit showing up at your door.