"AITA if I press charges against my neighbor for breaking and entering?"

This is crazy but just happened this past weekend. I (m45) was alone and taking a nap for a couple hours upstairs and came down about 4pm. I walk down and see a man walking out of my front door! I recognized him as my neighbor- we live a townhouse complex and he lives right across from us. I confronted him, he apologized profusely and said he was drunk (yeah at 4pm) and made a mistake.

I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Seemed believable but I decided to make a police report anyway. They questioned him but his story was believable so that was the end. I go back inside, frazzled but thought it was over. I check my phone and see auto messages about recent charges on my credit card- from a convenience store near my house, for several beers, while I was sleeping.

I call the police again, and they were able to get a copy of the stores security footage a couple days later. Surprise surprise, it’s him. The police arrested him this morning and he confessed to taking my wallet from my house, using my credit card, then returning it back to my house! He didn’t even take the cash in the wallet!

The whole thing is so bizarre I would laugh about it but then I think what if my wife and kids were home? What could have happened? Then I just get angry all over again.

And now I just got a letter from his wife, saying how he is a drunk and “getting help” and begging me not to press charges. Part of me feels for her and wonders AITA, but the other part thinks I should not only press charges but also sue them into oblivion, forcing them to move at the very least. So AITA if I press charges?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA press charges on him and tell his enabling wife to eff off. How did he even get in though? Do you not lock your doors or something?

OP responded:

Yeah left them unlocked. It’s a gated community so I just didn’t have my guard up. Lesson learned!

slendermanismydad said:

Can you drop all of these charges? These are multiple criminal offenses. The credit card theft will most likely involve the credit card company and I doubt they'll care about hus personal problems. If that option even exists. NTA.

minwah1 said:

Press charges, NTA. Also let anyone you're friends with around there know. If there's a landlord, they should know. The guy is a predator, not a drunk. I know plenty of drunks that would never break into your house once, let alone twice. Or steal your credit card. What's next? Also, what kind of locks and security do you have? Sounds like an upgrade is due.

Follow-up:

Thanks for all the great opinions. I’m getting the same questions it seems so here some edits rather than try to answer individually:

1.) the door was unlocked. We’re in a gated community so I just dropped my guard

2.) the neighbors have money so I have no idea why he did what he did. Maybe just to see if he could get away with it?

3.) the guy is being held in jail pending a court appearance this Friday. Likely will be released on bail. So no opportunity for him to apologize yet, if he does.

4.) I’m not angry about the money. I’m angry about the invasion of privacy and the fact that I won’t have peace of mind in my own home from now on. I’m angry because of what could have happened if my wife and kids were home. And angry for how much worse it could have been in general. I will be meeting with the wife tonight as she keeps begging for a meeting.

A week later, OP shared this....interesting update:

A lot of people have asked for updates so here it is. Couldn’t figure how to post as an update so just posting as an edit here. So I met with the wife and wow it was interesting. I told her I would meet in a coffee shop, with my wife, and I also recorded the conversation just in case.

She didn’t know I was recording (yeah that was sh!tty of me but I’m glad I did it as you will see). Meeting time comes and my wife has to work late and she can’t make it. So it’s just the two of us.

She is apologizing profusely and tells me how he has been a drunk for years, and used to love drinking and gambling until he basically spent all of their savings a couple years ago on bad bets and they almost lost the house until her parents bailed them out.

He doesn’t work anymore, but yet she keeps saying she loves him and he is a good man, blah blah. She also confirms that she controls all the finances, credit cards etc as a result, and just gives him an allowance to live on. She then asks if I can please drop the charges, etc.

I let her know that I checked into it and it doesn’t matter if I drop the charges now, they have video of the crime, his fake statements, the credit card company is now involved, etc. so they have a rather long list of crimes and don’t really need me to move forward.

She then starts crying, I sat there for a very uncomfortable 5 minutes or so wondering if I should leave. She then rather suddenly snaps out of it and the conversation goes like this:

Her: look. I’m sure we can work something out. I’ve noticed you many times around my place so maybe this is just me justifying my actions, but I can make you VERY happy. (While grabbing my hand and caressing it). Maybe you can just tell the police you made a mistake? That you actually let him use your card and just forgot?

Me: (as I slowly pull my hand away) uhm. Sorry but I don’t think so. I should tell the police I lied and also to the credit card company? Pretty sure I would be joining your husband in jail.

Her: come on. That wouldn’t happen.

Me: uhm. Wow. So the answer is no. And it’s time for me to leave.

Her: (face becomes cold). Fine. I can easily turn this around you know. Who do you think will believe you when I tell the police you tried to assault me?

Me: (now I’m pissed off). Right… ok well just to let you know I have recorded this entire conversation so good luck with that. See you in court.

I walked out to her screaming obscenities and threats, with the whole coffee shop staring at her and me. Guess I’m not going there again. So that’s it for now I guess. After the exchange with the wife I am now seriously considering suing them for the mental stress and seeing if I can force them to move. I shouldn’t have to keep stressing every time I see them. Thanks everybody for the advice!

Hope he got those locks changed!