Neurodivergent teenager wears pajamas to Thanksgiving dinner. AITA?

"AITA for wearing my pajamas to Thanksgiving dinner?"

I, 15F am Autistic and I like wearing my pajamas because they are comfortable, soft and make me feel safe, however, my parents, 54M and 51F don’t like when I wear pajamas around the house all day, so the tell me to change into real clothes...

which I’ve been more and more argumentative about, so, yesterday during Thanksgiving dinner, my mom told me that I wasn’t going to eat with them if...

I was wearing my pajamas so I said that I wasn’t going to change, so my dad and I had an argument, my dad has been allowing my mom to do stuff like be disappointed in my older sibling for getting a 99%, and comparing me to my academic rival because I got a C on my AP Gov test.

My rival got the highest grade in the class and he would just say “That’s how your mom is.” He told me to go change into real clothes, so I said “Three more years of this shit” and he took my electronics. My arguments with my parents have been everyday for the past week or two. So, am I the asshole?

Let's see what readers thought:

agrhw writes:

Being autistic doesn’t magically mean you always get your way. You’re old enough that you should have searched out clothing that makes you feel as your pajamas do and kept it for occasions like this when your parents want you to dress up a little. YTA.

kiuter writes:

You’re not an asshole, it’s just people on holidays want it to be special, and the unity of changing into not-pajamas would be meaningful for your parents. You should find comfortable clothes that are nice and you could wear out, but still comfy enough that you want to wear them at home.

Ur parents seem like assholes though for comparing you to some other kid who learns differently than you. Also your parents are your parents for long after 3 years when you turn 18 and your relationship with them will help you in life. Try to appease.

dcagoat writes:

YTA. I have autism, my kid has autism-- listen, people are right that there are social norms to be followed. I hate it, and you can too, but here we are. What are you wearing to school? I'm guessing, not your pajamas, right?

If you liked someone and went out on a date with them? Again, probably not PJs. If you are having sensory issues with your clothes, (and I get it!), talk to your dad about finding daytime-appropriate options that are tagless/not itchy/tight, binding, etc.

Just a word from the wise: pick what really matters to you and what is important to stand up for. If you are getting into arguments every day? I'm going to suggest using some patience and asking yourself if these issues are worth it to work out (and do that work), or let go of.

I know your mom isn't supportive, and personally disagree with her, erm, tactics in comparing kids because it does no good. My teen and I butt heads sometimes, and often, it's just that one of us is in a mood, so I might just shake my head and walk away.

You seem to have a quick mouth on you, and that's not going to get you very far in life. Practice keeping your comments to yourself, since your family doesn't have much tolerance: you can raise an issue in a calm and respectable way without being snarky, which will work better for you.

I know the NT world can be frustrating, however, we do live in that. And when you are an adult, self-supporting, etc. then you can what you like when you aren't at work.

visiongh writes:

YTA. Besides reiterating what everyone else says about how yes, people should be wearing actual clothes to dinner instead of throwing a fit and being rude about it, you're a teenager. And autistic.

I am willing to bet money that you're probably not a fan of showers if you're complaining this much about your comfort and if you're hanging around company in the same pajamas you slept in, you've probably got those teenage stink lines coming off of you.

agahghot writes:

ESH. If you're diagnosed autistic your parents should have figured out long ago how to work with you to manage expectations and accomodations around fancy dinners, etc. But I also feel this is a silly hill to die on.

Try to find some clothes that look nicer but still feel tolerable to you. There are whole lines of "sweatpants that look like slacks" cozy clothing these days. Even if your parents should be doing better, everyone has to put effort in to get along.

All that said, you're 15, so I'd say your behavior is developmentally appropriate in that most teens are in conflict with their parents over something like this. Your parents need to grow thicker skins and loosen up and you need to try and be a little more flexible too.

aghagut writes:

NTA, you came clothed. That’s honestly my only expectation of family on holidays. Idk why others put so much value on controlling aspects of peoples lives that don’t effect them. You deserve to be comfy just as much as your parents deserve to feel put together.