'AITA for never mentioning to my GF that my teeth are not real? She claims it was a lie of omission.'
"AITA for never mentioning to my GF that my teeth are not real."
I 38m had problems with my teeth since I was a teenager, by the mid 20s I had done so many root canal treatments that my dentist recommended me that in the long run it would be cheaper and less painful to get permanent dental implants, as I had constant issues with my teeth!
I did it - they removed all my real teeth including few that did not cause issue jet and I got implants.
Suddenly there was one constant annoying thing less in my life, that eventually I forgot about it.
Three years ago I met my current girlfriend (34f) and we have been living together for a year.
Recently she had problem with one teeth and found out she need the root canal treatment and told me "I wish I had such good teeth as you!"
And I realized that she does not even know and jokingly told - "Oh those are not mine, I got those in 2013!"
Suddenly she was mad that I kept such a secret for all that time from her, that I was hiding the truth! I tried to explain, that I am so used to it that I just don't think about it.
She think that I am an AH and that is a lie of omission.
Of course she got some of our friends included into that discussion and some agree that it does not even affect her, some thing that people should tell those things.
AITA?
Note: I am not asking any kind of advice here, I am asking does forgetting to talk about such detail makes me an AH.
The internet had lots to say in response.
Aelle29 wrote:
NTA, I'd get being surprised and all but mad? What is she even mad about? It's totally understandable that you just never mentioned it because you don't think about it, because WHO CARES, like????
She's an AH for making a drama out of this, not considering your pov, picking fights instead of communicating, and involving friends.
A non-dramatic GF would laugh about it.
Jessica_e_sage wrote:
INFO - is she mad bc it's a genetic thing that could be hereditary, dr-g related and didn't know your history? I just feel like there's gotta be more to it.
OP responded:
No she is mad because I did not share everything with her.
We both have kids from previous relationship and don't plan to have more.
nervelli wrote:
So on what date did she expect to discuss dental history? Is that a second date or a third date conversation? Or is that more something that you save for deep dive at six months? I mean if she showed up to a date with x-rays of her teeth and you didn't mention your dental surgery, that would be a bit of an oversight on your part.
But it seems like this was really the first time it was relevant or even on your mind at all. What was she expecting? "Do you want to catch a movie this Friday?" "Sounds good! By the way my teeth are fake."
OP responded:
First date: *Points at teeth* had those bad boys designed for myself! Cost me 14000€! Had to pay loan for 8 years, maybe should've gotten a new car instead.
What you have? Natural weak teeth huh?
bouncebackbossdogg wrote:
In the three years that you’ve known this woman, have you not had any dentist appointments?
I could understand, forgetting if you never mentioned your teeth at all, but has there not been any moment where you could’ve mentioned that your teeth were fake?
OP responded:
I even have a yearly hygienist visit, as even fake teeth need deep cleaning too!
But the conversation is "oh I have my mouth hygienist visit tomorrow" not "oh I have mouth hygienist clean my fake teeth because those are fake, still have to clean fake teeth tho!"
Puzzled_Medium7041 wrote:
NTA. It sounds like she is being judgmental because she considers it a negative, and therefore, it seems like something you "hid." Unless there were lots of relevant conversations before where you never mentioned it, it sounds like you just told her when it was relevant because it wasn't something interesting enough for you to bring up on your own.
Think about it. Why would this matter if not because she's judging you for it? And the friends that agree are probably ALSO judging it. They're considering it a "negative" that you "hid" about yourself.
breebree934 wrote:
NTA. My husband also has false teeth. He decided to tell me right away because he thought I would decide not to date him if I found out. But I honestly forget like 99% of the time. It barely ever comes up and I obviously don't think any less of him for it.
It's just something he's self conscious about but I assure him that it's not something I care about. If he never told me there would honestly be nothing for me to ever figure it out on my own. It effects nothing in our lives.
TeenySod wrote:
NTA. Obviously, the implants are so high quality that it makes no difference that they are implants, and your g/f not accepting your explanation - you weren't deliberately "hiding", it just wasn't something you really think about - then her getting all her friends involved - red flag tbh. Some friends think that you should tell - uh, well, you did when it was relevant.
scherre wrote:
NTA. There's a difference between intentionally keeping a secret / committing a lie of omission and just simply never having thought to mention something because it never came up. It is a little surprising that after three years together you wouldn't have had a conversation about any major illnesses or operations/procedures you've both had but not so strange as to be unbelievable.
It is kind of odd though that she feels you must have intentionally obscured this information than believing you when you say you just never thought of it. Something as minor as this shouldn't shake her trust in you that much.