'AITA for never wanting to stay the night at my in-laws again?'
"AITA for never wanting to stay the night at my in-laws again?"
I (31 yr F) and fiance (29yr M) been together for 8 yrs have been traveling for the holidays visiting family with our 2 children. We have a big family and really try to see everyone for rhe holidays since we live out of town.
It's been a busy week but we mostly stay at my parents place every time we come up to visit for a couple days its just easier and just visit other family for the day. This time we agreed to stay his parents place for a night. We had made these plans for over a month.
We also had stipulated some things prior to being able to stay bc of concerns. One thing I really wanted was a bed to sleep on or even a blowup mattress. I also suggested we could bring our blowup mattress but was assured we didn't need it from my fiance dad that they bought a new bed and the rooms would be clean and inhabitable this time.
I should have known bc it's always something when we stay the night. After we showed up and hung out for awhile we were I formed that we didn't have anywhere but the couches to sleep on for all four of us by his step mom.
She also made comments about saying her house was dirty. Which I did say the last time bc it is. To clarify over the summer when we stayed we had two twin pee-smelling mattresses on a dirty stained floor and no sheet or pillows to sleep on( not the first time). And I swore then that was the last time. But trying to keep peace stayed this time.
So yeah, here I am in a recliner not getting any sleep. Really annoyed. Listing to my fiance and his dad have the loudest snoring contest and There isnt even enough blankets for us. I feel lied too. AITA if I never want to stay again. Am I letting the past situations read into this situation and being dramatic.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Linachen wrote:
INFO: Why is your partner okay with this? And why is the dad sleeping in the same room as you and your fiance?
OP responded:
My partners and i had discussed this but we were both lied too. And his dads room is next to the living room. Where my family is cramped out in.
golden_facts wrote:
ESH. Why would you let your kids sleep in a dirty house on pissy mattresses? Why don’t you leave as soon as you’re presented with subpar accommodations? Hopefully your kids are too young to realize that you’re willing to sacrifice their comfort to please your in-laws.
OP responded:
That was over the summer we weren't aware till we showed up at thier house after a family party that ended late and both me and my partner couldn't even drive at that point and they live in the middle of no where so we had no place to go. We waited till we sobered up to leave kids slept on the couch.
Which was when I first said I didn't want to go there again. And here we are 6 month later and his dad assured us it was cleaned up and they had a bed for us "lie". it was I guess cleaner. At least the down stairs. We were told we couldn't go upstairs since last time I called it uninhabitable.
common_problem1904 wrote:
NTA. Gross. Sounds like you're in the same area as your parents. I would have gone there. These people don't really want you there or care about you, not to mention the lying. Def don't do it again.
OP responded:
My parents house is 2 hrs away or I would have and it was late when we were finally told. As soon as my kids wake up we will be going back.
Bluevanonthestreet wrote:
ESH. You knew where to sleep was a potential problem. That should have been handled as soon as you got there. That way you could have booked a hotel or just left. Why are you letting your kids sleep in filth? Sounds like you shouldn’t go on their house at all. You have a massive husband problem and a backbone problem.
unitedstatesofamananda wrote:
NTA. but you have already shown them that your boundary isn't really a boundary because you said you wouldnt stay again and then YOU DID. Make that a firm boundary by ACTUALLY leaving. Right now it seems pretty flexible to them.
Queen-Pierogi-V wrote:
The minute she said there were no beds, I’d have gotten the kids into their coats and grabbed my own. I’d have turned to husband and said are you coming? Then I’d head to my folks or a hotel, whichever was closer. That is gross and uncomfortable. And you were lied to about accommodations. No more visits. NTA.
Update: we did end up leaving early. I didn't want to talk to them again about it yet. Being as I had no sleep and didn't want our kids or there younger kids to hear. I don't have the greatest relationship with the in laws due to stating my opinion about how they live before so I don't think talking to I them wld even help at this point.
But I can only keep my mouth shut for so long so we will see. Also We really didn't have the option to leave after a certain point due to weather/snow.