New dad 'shocks' mom and sister, 'the best help you can give is to shut up.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mom and sister the best help they can give is to shut the f up?"

My wife gave birth to our son 6 weeks ago. He's healthy and doing great. My wife is doing okay. Physically she's pretty much fine but emotionally she is fragile right now. She's dealing with some anxiety post baby, some other mental health problems she had from before pregnancy (she has worked on them in therapy but the pregnancy and PP hormones have flared up some stuff on her).

She's also disappointed she couldn't breastfeed. She didn't try to but that was in her best interest not to. And her reasons are not something she shares openly but I'm aware and so are her family who know her history.

But she grew up in a home where the women breastfed. And while they understand, my mom and sister are also very pro breastfeeding, like militant about it. I warned them before my wife gave birth that they were not to try and pressure her or give her "helpful tips" about it when it was not happening.

They didn't listen to me and brought her some info from a breastfeeding group they're both members of and told her there was zero reason for her not try try. This resulted in me telling them to leave. I let the rest of my family stay since they were good. But I told my mom and sister they had ignored my warning and I gave them a very clear one.

They were shocked. They said my wife never expressed a good reason for not being able to. I stated she doesn't need to answer to either of them. They asked a few times after this when they could visit and I said not until they understand that they cannot cross that boundary that has been set.

They brought me into a group call a few days ago and told me they want to come see us and I asked if they were going to respect the boundary. They told me they just want to help. I told them the best help they can give is to shut the f up and be supportive of what she's doing. I said otherwise their help is not needed and would not be helpful in any way.

They accused me of being too harsh and disrespectful in the way I was talking to them and they feel like they're being punished for looking out for my wife and my son's best interests. I said they're not doing that. They're doing what they think is best even after everything I said to them. So they're angry I told them to shut the f up. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Aware_Welcome_8866 said:

NTA! In fact, you’re pretty much my hero. I also was unable to breastfeed. Militant is exactly what those lactation consultants were. My experience is you need REALLY strong boundaries if you are unable or choose not to breastfeed. You’re doing a great job caring for your wife.

Big_Owl1220 said:

NTA- breast feeding is such a personal choice. I was all about it, until my baby actually came. I didn't even want to try. She was formula fed, she's been healthy, and she's very intelligent. I don't regret not doing it at all. Anyone that gave me any lip about it, I was done with them. Luckily, it was just one doc who shamed me. Found another one, all was well!

AliceB12 said:

NTA. You set a clear boundary to protect your wife’s mental health, and your mom and sister blatantly ignored it. They might think they’re helping, but disregarding your wife’s needs and pushing their own agenda is harmful. You were right to defend your wife and stand firm. Sometimes harsh language is necessary to get the point across, especially when someone refuses to listen.

cassiesfeetpics said:

NTA - it's so rare to see a partner stand up for their partner so passionately, i'm in awe! congratulations on your new little one!! wishing you immense patience and happiness.

Lisbei said:

NTA. you are quite literally the best. Kudos for supporting your wife and being firm with the busybodies in your family.

Friendly_Repeat6283 said:

NTA. Hasn’t given them a good reason. Even if she just doesn’t want to breastfeed, it’s none of their damn business. You told them not to mention it and still they insist they just want to help. It’s not helpful and is just plain rude.