New mom asks mom to come over while husband is home so she can shower, 'you don't even try.' AITA?
"AITA for having my mom come over so I could take a shower while she watched my newborn?"
My husband and I had a baby 2 weeks ago. She is strictly breastfed and not only does she cluster feed but she also just finds comfort in being close to me. Therefore, there's not much I can do without her and more often than not, I'm completely okay with that.
But one thing this does mean is that I don't get to shower by myself. I've showered once by myself since having her and it only lasted long enough for me to soap up before she was crying and my husband was bringing her in to me. I think I literally had all of 2-3 minutes.
With that said, my husband of course hasn't had to change his life around at all. Every day and nearly every night he is taking 30-60 minute uninterrupted showers. He doesn't understand the frustration I get whenever he showers. That's the only thing that bothers me. I want to shower.
I want to sit under the water and relax my muscles. But like I said, every time I attempt it, the baby starts crying and he brings her in to the shower with me instead of trying to calm her down himself and he says it's because he knows that showers calm her down and he doesn't like her crying (he feels bad- like it nearly makes him cry whenever she does).
So I get his thought process but it feels like a cop out at the same time. So I called my mom and asked her to come watch the baby so I could shower and shave my legs because I've literally been attempting to shave my legs for 5 days now and it's all patchy because I keep having the baby handed off to me. I need to self care. My husband was home when I asked my mom to come by. I didn't tell him.
She shows up and takes the baby and I go to shower. My husband comes in at some point and asks why my mom is here and I tell him I asked her to come by so I could shower without the baby being handed off to me. He says "I could have watched her, why would you do that?"
So I said "every time you watch her while I shower, she ends up in here with me within 2 minutes of me being in here because you don't even try to calm her down."
Now he thinks I'm an AH because I "never told him to keep the baby out of the shower," despite me specifically saying I wanted to relax and self care multiple times. AITA? He says I've now made him look bad to my mom.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
angel9_writes said:
He made himself look bad to your mom. He needs to step up and step up now. He can parent her too. He's acting more like a baby than your baby. NTA.
solo_throwaway254247 said:
NTA. Husband wasn't being thoughtful. You found a way around it. And now even knowing how hard it's been for you, he's still not actually concerned about you, he's just worried about how it (he) looks to your mum. Which makes him an even bigger a-hole. Is it possible to lock the bathroom door when you take a shower? For the times your mum can't come over.
QuietCelery7850 said:
My husband comes in at some point and asks why my mom is here and I tell him I asked her to come by so I could shower without the baby being handed off to me. So even with your mother there, he didn’t let you shower in peace?
katie-kaboom said:
You are NTA, but listen: You take your showers, okay? The baby will be fine. She can cry for a few minutes and still be all right. She's not going anywhere, and there is no emergency in a healthy and well-tended baby's life that can't wait five minutes for you to wash your hair, I promise.
And in the meantime, your husband will have some bonding time, which it sounds like he needs. While I'm at it, you also eat your meals, go to the toilet, and put her down if your arms are tired. She'll be fine.
MercifulOtter said:
NTA. He needs to learn how to be a father. Tell him to ask your mother for advice on how to calm down a baby.
RareBeautyEtsy said:
He’s super immature. He should be caring for you and the baby, and it sounds like he doesn’t know how or doesn’t care. You are NTA. But he needs to grow up and stop being so dense and selfish.