We have a 10 week old baby. Husband (28M) absolutely adores him and wants to spend every available moment with him. I know he wants to be an amazing father, however he enganges in unsafe behaviors like falling asleep on the couch while baby is contact napping, leaving baby on the playmat unattended while the dog is in the room or putting baby for a day nap with his bib still on.
Husband claims I'm too anxious, making a big deal out of nothing - baby can't roll yet and the dog won't hurt him, he holds baby firmly while sleeping etc. And I admit I don't react calmly and freak out, which makes him act defensive. But he is being unsafe and it stresses me out. I feel like I can't leave him alone with the baby which only offends him more.
Last week I had enough and asked my MIL and SIL to talk to him. They took my side and ripped him a new one. Now husband is angry that I brought them into it and made "a whole intervention" like he's such a bad dad. AITA for insisting my husband change how he acts around the baby, and involving his family?
RevolutionaryHelp451 said:
NTA, your husband is the ahole. he is doing dangerous things that could genuinely kill the baby. safe cosleeping does exist, but not with anyone but the breastfeeding parent for the first few months. even then, you need to set up a space following the safe sleep 7.
I am sick of parents not educating themselves on this and forcing you to do the labur of finding sources to teach him how to be a parent when you yourself are new to it too…and then he doesn’t even listen to you. I would be livid. If he isn’t willing to educate himself, he has to default to your knowledge. he doesn’t get a say in any decisions if he’s not knowledgeable about anything.
OhmsWay-71 said:
NTA. Let him be mad. It is hard to be treated like a child even when you are acting like one. It is a big deal. You freaking out should have been enough. You had your do something. Could you have found another way, sure, but why should you?
It was effective and baby comes first. Just give him time to process and get over feeling humiliated. Then, let it go. Thank him when he does it right and praise how great of a dad he is so he gets his self esteem back.
Independent-Wheel354 said:
NTA. The sleeping while holding baby one is a HUUUUGE potential safety issue, as is the dog. A safe baby is more important that hurt feelings. Honestly, the way this is going doesn’t bode well for the next 18 years. Good luck.
Dry_Field_4621 said:
I’m an EMT. never, EVER leave a baby unattended with the dog. Ever. Dogs, especially big breeds, can do serious harm to adults. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what can happen if it decides to lunge at a baby. NTA at all.
06mst said:
NTA. Your babies safety is important and comes first not your husbands ego. I'm sure that every parent thinks it'll never happen to them until it does. It's not something your husband should take lightly. Why risk it when following safety measures means your child would be safe and not following them means if he's wrong your child could be seriously injured or die or be taken by cps.
If he can't put your child's safety first over his own feelings then I'm sorry but he isn't a good dad just yet. He could be but he isn't until he realizes that he shouldn't take risks with your child or act like he knows everything because if he's wrong it could cost you both your child. The fact that he's getting angry at you for involving his family when he's the one who didn't listen to you and is wrong is astonishing.
PrincessCG said:
NTA. You have every right to do what’s necessary to protect your baby, and that means pointing out unsafe behaviors. If he isn’t willing to hear you out, then he’s willing to continue putting your baby at risk. Tell him to pick up a book and educate himself.