New mom refuses to give her mom a 'grandmother experience' with baby, 'I don't trust her.' AITA?
"AITA for not giving my mom a 'grandmother experience' with my baby?"
I (27F) had my first baby six months ago, and my mom (52F) has been over the top obsessed with being a grandmother. I expected her to be excited, but I didn't realize she saw this as her big life event.
Before my son was even born, she started acting like she was gearing up to raise him alongside me. She set up a full nursery at her house, kept talking about all the weekends he'd be spending with her, and told me she planned to be there for all the firsts. It was weird, but I brushed it off as excitement.
Then he was born, and it got worse. She constantly criticizes everything I do. If I let him nap in my arms, I'm spoiling him. If I don't bring him over enough, I'm keeping him from her. She's started showing up unannounced, and if I don't let her take the baby alone, she acts hurt, like I don't trust her.
The final straw was last week at a family gathering. I was holding my son when she suddenly reached for him and tried to take him out of my arms, saying I needed a break. I pulled back and told her, "I don't need a break, Mom. I've got it." She looked stunned and barely spoke to me for the rest of the night.
Later, she sent me this long message about how Im denying her the grandmother experience and treating her like a stranger. Now my dad and siblings are saying I should let her be more involved because she just loves him so much.
I don't want to shut her out, but I also don't want to feel like I have to share my baby and being constantly criticized. Am I being too harsh? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
biblio_squid said:
Oof. No. She has this imaginary vision of what being a grandma is and she will take anything from you to get it. Listen to your internal voice, and tell her no.
Away-Elephant-4323 said:
I understand she wants to be a part of his life which is great! But she needs to understand you need time with him yourself to learn and parent in your own way, without having her constantly giving suggestions, everyone’s parenting is different she needs to let you breathe a bit, she can still be in his life without acting like his mother though that’s your job.
Flatulent_Opposum said:
NTA. Your mom only gets to have as much contact with your son as you and your partner decide. She doesn't get a vote in the matter. You should gently let her know if she keeps overstepping your boundaries she is liable to get to see him less since by doing so she is disrespecting you.
SableDove said:
NTA. Your baby is not a community project, and your mom is acting like she signed up for a co-parenting role she was never offered. Loving her grandkid is great, but boundary stomping and guilt trips? Not so much. She can be involved without taking over.
Impressive_Rub_7054 said:
NTA. It sounds like you're trying to be a good mom and protect your relationship with your child, which is your right. Your mom is crossing boundaries and acting as if she has more say over your baby than she does.
It's understandable that she’s excited, but she needs to respect your role as a mother and your decisions. You’re not keeping her from being involved, but you’re also not obligated to let her dictate your parenting style or take the baby when she demands. You’re allowed to have boundaries with your own child, and she needs to learn to respect that.
WhatTheActualFck1 said:
Tell her straight up she’s overreaching. She is not the mother. You are and YOU and husband or baby daddy set the rules to raise and parent. Not her. If she can’t respect that, she will not see him often. NTA.
Literal_Cheesehead12 said:
NTA. Honestly, this screams "I wanted another baby of my own but never got it," and if you give her an inch she's gonna take a freaking mile. Firm boundaries should be set now and adhered to at all times, even when it seems like she's changed, because that's just a diversion tactic to catch you slippin.' Your siblings and dad can also butt the hell out.