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New mom refuses to let future MIL hold her baby, 'there are boundaries.' AITA?

New mom refuses to let future MIL hold her baby, 'there are boundaries.' AITA?


"AITA for saying my SO dads fiancé can’t hold our baby?"

I (29F) had my first baby 3 months ago… from literally the time my baby was born my SO parents were non stop visiting. I was in the hospital 48 hours due to c-section and had his divorced parents and their SO visit multiple times each. My issue begin here with his fathers SO, we’ll call her Jane.

For context, Jane made no effort to reach out during the entire pregnancy and only ever texted me once the morning of the scheduled C-section. Immediately upon entering the hospital room Jane runs over to the bassinet and grabs my few hour old baby from it without asking or even washing here hands. I was beyond exhausted and out of it that at the time I didn’t say anything, which I regret.

Fast forward the next 6 weeks, they constantly wanted to visit… when they did visit they wanted to sit there hold my baby and take photos. Jane would show up with gifts for the baby and my SO and nothing for me. And never once offering to help with anything or bring by coffee or food, nothing.

I log on FB one morning after they had visited and Jane had posted photos of my baby blabbering on about how “nana loves her”…and proceeds to give an inaccurate birth date in the comments.

I tell my partner that this bothered me as she did not ask permission to post photos of our baby online and I would like them removed. Jane makes a huge stink over the matter saying she’s being targeted and “everyone else” can post but her.

I explain my stance and somehow it blew up into her feeling like she only has the title of a grandparent but can’t do the “duties” of one… because I wouldn’t let her change my babies diaper. His father doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from either but my SO told him that Jane needs to apologize and understand that there’s boundaries that need to be respected.

It has now been well over a month and the holidays have come and gone.. haven’t heard a peep from them since. Until this week.. she passed along Christmas gifts to my SO. There were 5 gifts...1 made out to my SO, 1 to our baby and the other 3 were made out to his sister and her bf.

I immediately knew she did this so I would see that she gave everyone a gift except me as she had seen his sister the weekend before and could have given her the gifts and I know she has met the sisters bf twice, yet he gets gifts but not the mother of the baby you love to much.

I sat on it for a day and thought about it all and decided I have received nothing but disrespect from her from the beginning and that I was 1. Saying she isn’t welcome in our house again and 2. She isn’t welcome to touch/hold our baby. AITA for saying she is no longer welcome at our home and she isn’t welcome to hold our baby?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

MarvoloMiroirs said:

NTA. Yes, yes, yes. From the very first minute of your baby's life, she's been unnecessary and inappropriate (holding your daughter without washing her hands - disgusting)!

She's also made it clear that she's going to get worse the more time elapses and the more allowance you give her. As they say with entitled people - you give an inch, they take a mile.

Cut her off. The more she complains the more valid you were in doing so. There are plenty of stories here you can find in which the child were submissive and it ended up causing a world of pain. Just check up the just no mil subreddit for a million examples.

SubstantialYouth9106 said:

NTA. You are the parent and you decide who you want and don't want around your child. Now my issue is with your man who I have not heard you once say stood up for you during this exclusion and mistreatment. I do wonder if the both of you were ever close before the pregnancy.

No one should be unsanitary around a baby, taking and posting photos without permission, and purposefully getting everyone gifts and excluding the mother. I would have had an issue with my man if I were you because hell no. Now I don't think giving rules really works in this situation because your partner never caught on and stood up for you. I would also be petty and give her that same energy back.

In this circumstance, my partner would be told that not only has your stepmom disrespected me in my presence multiple times through exclusion and boundary-breaking, but you have followed suit by not catching on and standing up for me.

Reiterate all of the examples listed in this post and ask him how he'd feel if your family treated him the way Jane treats you. For now baby and you need a break from her and you shouldn't be scared to cut her off and go full no contact.

euo_0 said:

Absolutely NTA. Everything you've been saying about how Jane has been treating you makes my skin crawl. Why some people think they can utterly disrespect the mother of a baby and then still get access to that baby is insane to me.

Has your partner been standing up for you against Jane? If he hasn't, he needs to start. You setting these new boundaries is the perfect opportunity -- it's his family so he needs to deal with them.

Kattiaria said:

NTA gosh ok I cant say i have ever been here but my husband has. I myself told my family that if there was a gift for myself and not for my husband that they could keep the gift. This year i got a bank transfer of $50 and my mother went to the trouble of buying my husband pjs to use while he was in hospital. HE def got the more thought out gift this year.

exactoctopus said:

NTA. It's weird as hell she wants to be "Nana" while seemingly hating you, the mother of the baby that makes her a nan. I also had to pause at her being upset she can't change the diapers. That's a really really odd thing to be upset about. Most people don't actually want to change baby diapers, you kinda just have to do it when they're yours or if you're watching a baby.

That just gave me a weird feeling. IDK. But you're not the ahole at all here. I hope your husband stays strong in supporting you because Jane shouldn't be allowed to even see your baby without major behavioral changes and apologies. You can't outright disrespect a parent of a kid from the day they were born and still think everything's cool.

BetweenWeebandOtaku said:

NTA. She sees you, correctly, as an obstacle for what she really wants, which is to play with your kid like it's a doll. So be a really fucking effective obstacle. I don't see the downside here.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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