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New mom snaps at judgmental friend, 'when you have kids, name them whatever you want.' AITA?

New mom snaps at judgmental friend, 'when you have kids, name them whatever you want.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my friend that when she has kids, she can name them whatever she wants?"

This was all a few weeks ago. Truly looking for input. I have a “friend,” I’ll call her Lindsay. I use the term friend very loosely at this point, as I no longer would truly consider her a friend. We are both in our early thirties. I’ve known her for the better part of a decade, though over the last few years, we’ve become considerably less close.

When I was trying to get pregnant, Lindsay told me she couldn’t picture me as a mother and not everyone needs to be a parent, it’s okay if I didn’t want to be. When I was pregnant, after years of trying, Lindsay texted me late one night (I think she was drunk/high), saying she’s done way more with kids than I have, she would be a way better mother than I, and I have options (she was implying adoption). Lindsay has no children. She has babysat/worked as a nanny almost a decade ago. I decided not to invite her to my baby shower based on those comments.

My son was born a few months ago. He was named after a family member who tragically passed. His name is not super common, but it’s a very normal name (top 200 names in the US. Maybe top 300?).

A few weeks ago, I texted a photo of my child to a group chat Lindsay was in. My friend jokingly calls him a long name — like, let’s say his name is James, my friend calls him James and the Giant Peach. His name isn’t James, but you get the point. Lindsay said “that’s awful.”

I said what? She said “your child’s name is cringy af and he’ll get made fun of as a kid and as a teenager.” I snapped and said “when you have kids, you can do whatever you want with them and name them whatever you want. But you do not have kids. Let me do what I want with mine.” She never replied.

Lindsay reached out to me on the side and told me she recently found out she may never be able to have kids. She said my comment was cruel. I said I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t make her comments about my child okay. She hasn’t spoken to me since. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

OxnardJEM said:

NTA - your friend Lindsay was being cruel, and petty, and perhaps was jealous because she had been trying to get pregnant before and couldn't so she took her disappointment out on you. ANyone every claiming the kind of things you said she was saying isn't really a friend to begin with in my opinion. (And if kids haven't changed since I was a kid it doesn't matter what the kids name is, if they want to they'll find a way to be cruel, my name is John and people still found ways). I'd move on from her as a person in my life.

1568314 said:

NTA You weren't being cruel because you didn't know her medical information Her personal struggles don't give her a free pass to make inappropriate comments or fantasize about taking your baby. It would be one thing if she'd apologized and explained, asking for sensitivity and committing to not letting her envy control her mouth, but no. I would not be surprised if she starts feeling entitled to your baby.

TheSweetestMindCandy said:

NTA. 100% not the ahole. Your ex pal seems to be struggling in a mental place when it comes to kids and had/has been taking it out on you for quite some time if it started way back before you were even pregnant.

Meep64Meep said:

NTA. Sure, it's sad that Lindsay can't have children, but this personal tragedy does not give her the right to talk about other people's motherhood and babies in a derogatory manner. Do I understand why she's lashing out? Yes. Do you have the right to call her out on this? Also yes.

uberprodude said:

"I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t make her comments about my child okay." Correct and well said! NTA.

Upstairs-Goat-7702 said:

NTA, she was worried for your child being bullied in the future, yet she is making fun of his name now. She is probably sour graping since she cant have kids on her own now, but it doesn’t give her a right to hate on everyone who has, especially her friends. You even apologized for her situation, which you have no idea in the first place.

Everyone agreed unanimously with OP for this one. What's your advice for these "friends?"

Sources: Reddit
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