New mom tells SAHM sister-in-law, 'I wouldn't want to sit home and change diapers all day.' AITA?
"AITA For Telling My Sister-in-Law That I Wouldn't Want to Sit Home and Change Diapers All Day?"
Hi! 31F and a new mother to a baby girl. I'm going back to work next week and am stressed and exhausted, but also loving being a mom and excited to get back to the office. My SIL (35) also had a girl about a year before me. She decided she's not going to return to work and instead be a full-time Mom.
Saturday, we were at my in-laws house for dinner. I was telling my MIL about going back to work and the daycare we're sending our daughter to when my SIL (who's always seemed a bit threatened by me) opined that she can't believe I'm putting my daughter in daycare when she's so young.
She then said her baby "has a charmed life" because she gets to nap in her crib afternoon and have her mom around. I was started to get annoyed, but I brushed it off and said something like "you're a great mom."
The conversation moved on, and she randomly said she'd never want to do my job (lawyer) because all we do is stress and fight all day. I just looked at her and said something along the lines of, "I understand. We all have different preferences."
I wouldn't want to sit home and change diapers all day." The table got quiet and we didn't really speak the rest of the evening. My husband thinks his sister was being rude but that I should be the bigger person and apologize.
He thinks I "stooped to her level" and gave her a reaction, which she was looking for. I do feel like I reacted poorly and embarrassed my husband. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
judgingA-holes said:
NTA - And I don't see where an apology is owed. She asserted her opinion without being asked and therefore you asserted yours. Is she going to apologize for telling you her opinion about your job? Because if not then why would you owe her one?
Bloodystupidjohnson3 said:
NTA. She wanted to look like the better mom and denigrate you. You responded calmly and directly. She pushed again and again. Did she honestly think she could “win” that sh$t with a lawyer?
Pretty_Nicole18 said:
NTA. She made an unprovoked and judgmental comment about your decision to use daycare. When she criticized your profession, it was just fair to defend yourself.
Specialist-Leek-6927 said:
NTA. "I do feel like I reacted poorly and embarrassed my husband." Your husband is literally telling you to bow down to his family so he feels comfortable, instead of worrying about his sister trying to bully and humiliate you.
NONE OF YOUR ACTIONS WERE WRONG. you apologise and she will make your life hell until you divorce your husband as he will always side with her.
RandolphE6 said:
NTA. Your SIL is though. I'm not the type of person to put up with people's shit so not only would I not apologize for that, I'd double down on it. Apologizing only validates the other person and encourages their continued misbehavior. Quite frankly, your comment was mild at best. Your SIL owes you the apology, not the other way around.
Imaginary-Yak-6487 said:
NTA. Working moms & stay at home moms need to be lifting each other up, not making snarky comments on how one is better than the other. I had to go back to work. My sil was able to stay home until their kiddos started school. We babysat for each other. We helped each other. We both raised healthy, happy, well adjusted kids into adulthood.