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Newly engaged woman causes drama by wearing her ring to a wedding; AITA?

Newly engaged woman causes drama by wearing her ring to a wedding; AITA?


Everyone knows that wedding etiquette 101 includes refraining from the color white and stealing the spotlight away from the couple getting married, but are new engagement rings also banned?

So, when a conflicted woman decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As&hole' about 'stealing attention' by wearing her new ring to a wedding (and therefore announcing her engagement to some guests) people were dying for the dramatic details.

AITA (Am I the As%hole) for wearing my new engagement ring to a wedding?

My friend recently got married, and had a small-ish wedding ceremony of about 30 people. Since it was such a small ceremony, I was at least acquainted with pretty much everyone there, and friends with a large fraction of the people.

A couple weeks before my friend's wedding, my now fiancé (yay!) proposed. I'm a pretty private person, so apart from my immediate family and a couple closest friends I didn't tell anymore.

Fast forward to the wedding. Without thinking about it, I wore my new engagement ring, since it's now part of the jewelry set I wear every day.

Since I knew most people at the wedding, lots of people immediately started asking if I was engaged and congratulating me and me fiancé.

We've been together for a really long time and it's been a running joke among me and my friends if we'd ever actually tie the knot.

This really upset the bride and groom, who angrily called me the day after the wedding. They said it was in very bad taste to wear a new engagement ring to their wedding, on the level of actually proposing at the wedding.

I feel really bad that I upset them, but at the same time I think their anger is out of line. Actually proposing at someone else's wedding is a far cry from just wearing a new ring, which I might add is a plain silver band.

It's not like I was flashing a huge diamond in people's faces purposely trying to get attention.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this wedding drama:

MultiFazed said:

NTA. You didn't get engaged at their wedding. You didn't announce your engagement at their wedding. You didn't even wear a ring that was obviously an engagement ring.

You can't help the fact that people asked you about your engagement status, and telling the truth is better than lying in that situation.

Whatevz2019 said:

NTA. A real friend doesn't ask you to dim your light so it looks like they are shining brighter.

bbvy24 said:

YTA. You admit you hadn't really told anyone you had become engaged and then you show up at a wedding where you share a lot of mutual friends with the bride and groom wearing a ring on your engagement finger...

You knew full well when you chose to do it that that was essentially an announcement.

And then to make it worse, you didn't even shut down questions about it. It's not nice to steal someone else's spotlight, especially when they have already had to scale back their plans. Really TA, OP.

AugustNClementine said:

YTA because you engaged in the long catch up conversations after people asked according to your comment. It is a pretty common social convention not to announce an engagement at a wedding and you did functionally do that.

I don't think you are a huge AH but you definitely did make a wedding blunder and then didn't correct yourself but kept talking about yourselves.

Etiquette would dictate you try to redirect the conversation, not make it about your catch up time. Did you apologize to them? In my opinion you do owe an apology.

gonzogirli said:

NTA. Bride and groom are taking it far too personally. They are likely pressed bc of the pandemic and having to change plans, being disappointed, etc., and that' s ok, they're entitled to, but it's not ok to funnel all of that resentment and annoyance at you for wearing your engagement ring.

you did not make a spectacle or a general announcement, you answered queries from friends and acquaintances you haven't seen in ages. I hope the giant sticks up their arses fall out. Best of luck.

lifeonthegrid said:

YTA. Not telling anyone and showing up for the first time with your engagement ring means you're effectively announcing it.

[deleted] said:

YTA. You could have easily foreseen and avoided a situation that hurt somebody else’s feelings.

Tyrone_Cashmoney said:

Yta. You let your social circle know you were engaged for the first time at someone elses wedding.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people felt that it wasn't the new engagement ring that was the problem, but the announcement of the engagement.

If mutual friends were finding out that they were engaged for the first time at someone else's wedding, that could potentially take some of the spotlight away from this couple's special day. Still, simply wearing a ring would never be a problem for most couples. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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