'AITA for calling my 'niece' a little psychopath and refusing to let her hold my baby?'
"AITA for calling my 'niece' a little psychopath and refusing to let her hold my baby when he/she is born?"
I (29f) recently found out that I’m pregnant with my second child who is due in April. I have a 3 year old son as well. My mother (59f) has been really excited about it. She insists that after the baby is born we need to do an updated Grandchildren picture to hang up in her living room.
She does this whenever there is a new baby in the family. For context she considers her boyfriend’s (50m) children and grandchildren her step kids/grandchildren even though they aren’t married.
I do too. I have 2 step sisters and 5 step nieces and nephews. As well as a biological brother and Niece. I told my mother, I of course would be fine with that however we won’t be doing individual pictures of each grandchild with my baby.
She got upset because she had wanted to do that too. I explained that it’s because of one of the step grandchildren, we’ll call her A. When my son was 10 months old my mom wanted to take a picture of my son with A who was 6 at the time.
It was at a baby shower for my cousin. I didn’t have a problem with A at this point so I allowed it. However, as soon as my mom stepped back to take the picture, A smiled and let go of my son.
He fell and hit the hard floor and he started crying. This caused A to smile harder. I was very unset by this situation but everyone around us keeps claiming that it was an accident and that she’s only 6 so I shouldn’t make a big deal about it.
I tried to forgive her and let it go, but something about that smile still makes me nervous to this day. There are other incidences where they would be in the same room playing and A would “accidentally” throw a toy at my son or she would “accidentally” step on his hand when walking by him.
I usually don’t let him out of my sight when she’s around but if I take my eyes off of him for even a second then there’s usually an “accident”. I explained all this to my mom and she says that I’m overthinking things and that A is 9 now and will be better at holding a baby.
I put my foot down and said that “if she wants a picture with any of the other kids then that’s fine but under no circumstances will the little psychopath be holding my baby.”
My mom said that I was way out of line for “bullying a child”. I responded that she’s okay with it when it’s A bullying my son. So, AITA for not letting my mom take a picture of A with my baby.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Honestly, your mom is minimizing this way too much. Kids can make mistakes, but a pattern of accidents that always hurt your child is a huge red flag. You have every right to set boundaries, especially with a newborn.
I wouldn’t let A hold the baby either. A 9-year-old who intentionally smiles at another child’s pain isn’t just "being a kid." It’s concerning behavior and you’re wise to trust your instincts.
NTA. Six is more than old enough to understand that you can't let go of a baby you're holding, and old enough to know that if you hurt someone, even by accident, you apologize. Then there's the pattern of "accidents." No way.
And you weren't bullying a child. You were explaining to another adult why you will not let a child who has previously dropped and hurt your other small child hold a newborn. She dismissed your concerns and you said something mean about that child--but you didn't say it to her or in her presence.
NTA. If it was one incident, that could be pardoned. This is a pattern.
If you wanted to choose peace. You can say you don’t want any children holding your baby.
Is A a psychopath, or just so incredibly fumble-fingered that she can't interact with your son without hurting him, as your mom claims? It actually doesn't matter because in both situations A cannot be trusted with a baby. In other words, even if we accept your mom's story completely and uncritically, A can't hold the baby.
Thanks for agreeing, Mom! You're NTA for this, although ... why do you even allow A around your son at all? Why subject him to abuse? You're a kind of an AH for not refusing to keep him safe. Do better with him.
NTA. The denial is strong with that one. With kids that age behaviour like that can sometimes be fixed (didn't want to use that word, can't think of another) but allowing it to go unchecked is dangerous. She seems to pick on the youngest. Is this a jealousy thing? Because if yes her behaviour is only going to be worse with the new arrival.
NTA. Your niece might still be a small kid, But even at that age most of them know that hurting a other child is wrong. Follow your gut and don't let her near your baby.
NTA. She sounds like a budding sociopath. Hurting others, especially a baby, is not OK. Even a 6 year old knows this. And to smile instead of become upset and/or cry? She's not a safe child to be around.
Further, put your foot down and say if she's around you and your family will not. No pictures with her again, ever. No play dates, nothing. Your mom can be upset, but you are protecting your children. Don't budge.