'AITA for going No contact after my dad stole my baby shower gifts?'
"AITA for going No contact after my dad stole my baby shower gifts?"
Peach-Buzz18
This happened around 2 years ago, but I've recently been thinking about it because every so often, I get the "but he's still your dad" comment every time the subject comes up and today, it happened again.
When I (26F) was 18, I went no contact with my parents for a little over 5 years. Both of my parents were/are toxic, but my father was a bit worse. To put things in perspective, im the middle child, yet still im the only one to have never gone on a family vacation, because i just wasnt ever considered family the way my siblings were.
I spent most of my adulthood wondering why i wasnt good enough. Still, I always yearned for a dad and a mom. Two and a half years ago, I was pregnant and just getting out of a very bad relationship. I was isolated from everyone, even friends.
After going to therapy and working on my mental health, I decided I needed to establish a support system for myself and my baby. In hopes that they had changed, I reached out to both my parents.
They had finally separated during my period of no contact, so they were living separately. My mom lived in a different state, so she wasn't able to help much. My parents seemed thrilled at the idea of having another grandchild and seemed really supportive at first.
My dad was dating a new woman and I thought she was really sweet at first. But then she got really controlling and manipulative really quickly. I'd see her call my teenage sister the most horrible names, and it was suddenly clear why my sister always hated her.
One time she INSISTED on coming to my last ultrasound appointment with me and my dad. And I could only have one person in the room with me (COVID), so she sat in the car. The appointment took around 45 minutes to an hour.
When we got back to the car, I was feeling SO happy over seeing my baby. It was an amazing moment, until we opened the car doors and she started literally yelling at us for taking so long. She very quickly soured a sweet moment. I could list off all the things she's done, but its not worth it.
Anyway, the place I was living in wasn't the safest. My dad let me stay at his house for almost a month, just so I wouldn't have to spend even longer in a bad environment until I closed on my house. They were even "nice" enough to start working on a nursery for my baby at THEIR house.
Which, I didn't think anything of, because his girlfriend said she wanted to watch the baby while I worked. It just seemed like excited grandparents to me. I was excited to have such a great support system during such a tough time in my life.
During this time, he made it very clear, he wanted/expected to be in the delivery room with me when I gave birth. He wasn't willing for it to be my mom AND him because he refused to be in the same room as my mom (HE was the cheater, but acted like she was the devil), so it had to be JUST him.
Personally, I didn't like the idea of being in such a vulnerable position AND being naked, in front of my dad, but I was just planning to do what he wanted anyway because I always wanted a dad. So, if I had to make some sacrifices to get that, then I was okay with it. Towards the end of the month, I had my baby shower and people really came together to help me.
By the end of the day, I had pretty much everything I needed and more. Right after the baby shower, my dad told me he should lock the gifts into the room behind his. That they'd be safe in there. So, I agreed. I mean, he had put me through a lot when I was a kid, but even so, I could trust him not to steal from me and my unborn child, right? No.
The week before i was supposed to move into my house, I called him while he was on his break at work. I was nesting pretty bad. I asked him If he could unlock the door in his bedroom when he got home, or let me know if there's another key, just so I could get the things ready to bring to my house.
I wasn't adamant about it, just asked him to do it whenever he had the chance or whenever we were both free, since i worked too.
I was very polite about this.
The sellers were letting me move in some of my things early, so i wanted to get a lot of the stuff done. He said NO. He refused to EVER let me have my things. I wish I could tell you there was some sort of trigger to this or that I saw this coming, but I didn't.
It really did come out of nowhere. I thought we were good. He went on about how I probably wasn't even going to let him in the delivery room with me (I had planned on it, I never told him otherwise.)
After he said that, I told him he'd never be in my life and that he would never meet my child or any future children I have. And I meant it. Even if he HAD given me my stuff back, the fact that he said he wasn't going to, at any point....
I can't have someone in my life that even CONSIDERS doing that to me or my children. I went on to have my mother and my sister in the delivery room with me and it was an incredible experience.
After the whole ordeal, MULTIPLE family members told me they were glad I cut contact with him, because they were SURE he was going to try to do something so I'd look bad, so he could have custody.
I'm so glad I didn't trade one monster for another by continuing to let my dad walk all over me. I've now moved to another state, living with the man of my dreams and our 2 children that my father has never met.
Today, me and a friend from my hometown were messaging, having a conversation about our parents. She has a very good relationship with her parents. When I brought up that my father hasn't even met my children, she said I overreacted when I cut contact and I'm denying my children a bond with their grandparents. So, AITA for going No contact with my father?
EDIT: To answer some questions; yes, I did tell everyone who gave me gifts that their gifts were stolen. Yes, I did contact the police. And the sheriff. Neither would help me.
They told me I'd need to bring my father to court. I would've done that, but I had just bought a house. I couldn't afford a lawyer and I was just ready to be done with him completely.
Me and my now husband got together shortly after I had my first child. He was my biggest supporter. We were long time friends and it was a long time coming, so we got serious pretty quickly and he's raised both children as his own.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
911siren
You lost me when dad insisted on being in the delivery room when you give birth. I gotta go barf for a month. Oh. NTA.
Maleficent_Draft_564
I’m right there with you. Like, No way! My dad’s a retired OBGYN but was still practicing when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was seen at his practice but I was seen by his group partner. Dad wasn’t even there when my wife and I had our ultrasounds. It’s beyond super fkng weird and inappropriate that he was insisting on being in the room with her.
Ok-Homework-582
NTA they were planning to take your baby. They wanted the stuff for ‘their’ nursery.
Sn_77L3_pag_s
Do you think he wanted to be in delivery room to have access to birth certificate?
Leaking_Honesty
THIS. Everything sounded ominous. They were setting you up to have “their” baby. Keep them far away from you and your children.
Fcknyts
Protecting your child's safety and well-being is paramount. It's alarming that someone would prioritize material possessions over your baby's needs. Trusting your instincts was the right call.