'AITA for going no contact with my in-laws after my husband passed away because they kept excluding my autistic son?'
"AITA for going no contact with my in-laws after my husband passed away because they kept excluding my autistic son?"
Ok_Fortune_4073
I (26F) lost my husband a few months ago. He was the love of my life and the father of my 4-year-old son, who’s autistic. Losing him has been unbearable, and I’ve been doing my best to hold it together for my son, but it’s been so hard.
What’s made it even worse is how my in-laws have acted since he passed. They’ve never treated me or my son right. Even when my husband was alive, they didn’t hide the fact that they didn’t approve of me.
I was always too young or too inexperienced to be a good wife and mother in their eyes. Every time we visited, they treated me like their maid, making me cook and clean while they sat around criticizing everything I did.
But the way they treated my son has always hurt the most. They never really accepted him. They’d make comments about how “hard” my life would be with him or how they felt sorry for me having a child like that.
They never showed him love or tried to bond with him. They’d avoid him when he had sensory issues or meltdowns and act like he was just... too much to deal with.
After my husband passed, I thought maybe they’d step up and try to be more involved in our lives, especially for their grandson. Instead, they started calling me constantly but only to ask for help with things. They’d say stuff like, "We’re so lonely, could you come over and help us with the house?" Or, "We’re struggling, it would mean a lot if you could spend some time here."
At first, I tried to be understanding. I knew they were grieving too, so I went over when I could. But every single time, they insisted I come alone. When I asked if I could bring my son, they’d make excuses, like, “He’s probably better off at home where he’s comfortable,” or "It’s just easier without him right now."
They never made any effort to visit him, call to check on him, or even ask how he was doing. It felt like they didn’t care about him at all. The final straw was when I suggested they come over to visit us instead.
My son had been struggling a lot, and I thought seeing his grandparents might help. My mother-in-law flat-out refused. She said, "We don’t have the energy to handle that kind of situation. It’s just too much for us." It was like she didn’t even see him as a person just a “situation” they wanted nothing to do with.
After that, I decided I couldn’t keep doing this. I blocked them and went no contact. I couldn’t keep putting myself in a position where I was treated like a servant and my son was treated like a burden. He’s already lost his dad I won’t let him grow up feeling like he’s unloved by his own family too.
Since then, they’ve been telling everyone I’m cruel and selfish for cutting them off. They say I’m denying them their last connection to my husband, and some family members have even said I should “be the bigger person” because they’re grieving too.
I feel torn. I don’t want to seem heartless, but I have to protect my son. He’s my priority, and I don’t think I should have to keep putting up with their behavior just because they’re sad. So, AITA for going no contact? Should I have tried harder to keep the relationship for their sake?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
leilapeach_
Protecting your son from their hurtful behavior is the right thing to do. NTA.
Ok_Fortune_4073 (OP)
Thank you, he needs to be protected as much as possible specially now after losing my husband!
Banannarama21
NTA! They are allowed to grieve but they’re not allowed to be mean and isolate your child. They had many chances to include him but it seems like they are inconvenienced by his presence. Your son is your first priority and if that means cutting communication with people who don’t want him to be around, then so be it. You will not tolerate them mistreating your son.
Ok_Fortune_4073 (OP)
My child will always be my first priority! I was just hoping that after my husbands passing they would be more considerate of there grandchild but no they don't want to accept him as how he is so i see no other option than cutting them off. 😔
Perimentalpause
Your son is their connection with their child, not you. You are their gopher. And you have every right to stop that behavior. It's appalling. If they can't handle the last bit of what their child left in the form of your son, then they sure as shit don't deserve the daughter in law they mistreated catering to them.
Ok_Fortune_4073 (OP)
I was hoping for them to change as like you said he is there last connection to there child but unfortunately that didn't happen.
DarksBlossom
You're definitely not the a-hole. Protecting your son is priority number one. If they can't accept him, cutting them off is necessary. A friend of mine went through something similar, and it's tough but important to prioritize your child's well-being over others' expectations or demands. Stay strong!
BasicRabbit4
NTA. They are using you as free labour at the expense of your child. Your son is the one who actually needs you, these are two adults who yes, are grieving but are also capable of cleaning and cooking for themselves.
GullyGardener
How are you denying them "their last connection to their son" when they actively avoid the child? Makes no sense, they literally don't want the connection. They are mad you are denying them you being their slave while they abuse you emotionally and verbally. They made their bed, now they can lie in it. NTA by several miles.