'AITA for going no contact with my step kids after their mom (my ex wife) passed?'

"AITA for not wanting contact with my step kids after their mom passed?"

Katherine was my best friend growing up. She was the first person I told that I was gay. She hugged me and told me that I was still me. We were there through everything for the last forty years. My HIV scare in college. Her kid's births. My divorce. Her divorce. And innumerable small and large life events.

We got married to each other because we deeply love each other and because she needed health insurance. Her grown children, whom I have known from birth, didn't approve. We tried talking to them but they wouldn't listen. We eventually agreed that it would be best if I distanced myself from the kids. Katherine would travel to see them or arrange it so they could visit her while I took vacations with friends.

Katherine went through her savings in the last years of her life and I supported her completely. I didn't once ask where the money I gave her went. I paid for her trips to see her kids because she needed that. I paid for gifts she sent her kids and grandkids. It's just money and I have more than I will spend in this lifetime.

Katherine passed in October. All she left her children was sentimental items. Pictures, old souvenirs, that sort of thing. She had no money. Her kids were disappointed but seemed to understand.

Then just after Thanksgiving they tried contacting me to know how they were to get their gifts. Last year I rented a ski chalet in Montana for the family. I also paid for two days of Cat Skiing. I did not spend that holiday with them but it was the last time later saw all her children and grandchildren together. I said that their mother hadn't left them anything for Christmas this year.

They were upset because they thought they were getting another trip to memorialize her I guess. I told them that I was going away for the holidays by myself to spend time with my friends. And that's what I did. We spent two weeks in Morocco and I mourned my friend. I didn't look at my phone the entire time we were there. I still take pictures with my Nikon SLR so I didn't even use my phone for that.

I finally turned on my phone on our way to the airport and it was full of notifications and messages from her kids. Most quite impolite. I messaged each kid, told them I didn't want to hear from them again, then I blocked them. It felt like cutting off a limb. I love those kids but they spent the last five years treating me like nothing and now they want my money. I'm just done.

Their father contacted me and said I was being petty and vindictive. He said that the least I could do was give them whatever my wife left me. I laughed. If I didn't have a great career and excellent insurance all she would have left me was debt.

So. They are all young adults, some with children of their own. They have shown me that they do not want me in their lives. Am I wrong for agreeing and taking actions to make it so?

This is what people had to say to OP:

BlondDee1970 said:

NTA. They don't want a relationship with you - they only want your money. Good riddance. You owe them nothing.

Vestiel said:

NTA, the kids weren't raised right and they wasted so much time they could've spent with their mom only because they didn't like you.

Cut them, they are rotten limb and live happily ever after.

WhichWitch9402 said:

I’d have my lawyer send each of them a letter stating you supported their mother, financially, emotionally, physically completely for the last x years with no expectation of anything in return. That their mother had nothing and would have had a ton of debt without you.

So, they can go pound sand if they think there is anything for them to inherit other than what they already received - and I’d spell out that each trip and all gifts their mother gave them was financed by you. Then tell them this is their official notice to cease any and all contact with you.

And galvanicreaction said:

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. You and Katherine sound like lovely people and I'm so glad you found each other. It's despicable that her children distanced themselves from you until they wanted something.

Gifting them sentimental artifacts from your wife was quite kind. She had no money left to give to her children and you financed her ability to see them, yet they treated you badly. Your holiday trip with friends sounds like very healthy self-care.

It's OK to be done with them. With hope, somewhere down the road, they'll recognize their unkindness to you. And to be a petty bitch, their dad can get glad in the same pants he got mad in. I'm glad that you seem to have a good support system. You gave Katherine a good life and I hope your kindness rewards you 7X what you did for her.