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'AITA for refusing to take my step-daughter with me on vacation?'

'AITA for refusing to take my step-daughter with me on vacation?'

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"AITA for refusing to take my step-daughter with me on vacation?"

Plane_Reaction_5746

When I met my husband, he had three kids. They were 6/F, 5/M and 3/F and I also had a 4 year old girl. We got married 2 years later. I had another girl 5 years later. At first the kids were at their mom's on weekdays and with us on weekends.

His 2 older kids adored me while the youngest, Robin, was colder to me. It wasn't so bad then. A year into our marriage, their mother told my husband that she couldn't raise them on her own.

Either he went back to her or raised them himself. Their mother would only try to spend time with them a couple of days in a month. Robin started treating me worse as the years went on.

She would get extremely hostile towards me, especially right after spending time with her mom. It was clear to all of us that her mom was trying to make the kids hate me.

It didn't work with oldest kids who quickly started calling me mom on their own. I've grown to love them like I love my bio kids. I once referred to all of them as "my kids" to someone and Robin got so upset and said "I'm not her kid!".

She was always distant but polite with my older bio daughter. Sometimes she would be playing with the baby until I came into the room and then she'd stop and start complaining, saying things like "get your annoying daughter away from me".

I would get her gifts and she would thank her father because it's "his money" disregarding the fact that I picked out the gift. She would always complain about my cooking and refuse to eat sometimes. Everyone loves my food so it's clear she is just being mean. When spending time as a family, she would be very rude to only me and just ignore me on a good day.

Recently, my family and I all planned to spend a month abroad this summer. My husband isn't coming because of work. I'm planning to take the kids with me except for Robin.

When I first mentioned this to my husband, he agreed. Neither of us even thought she would want to go with me without her father. I went to visit my family with the kids a few times before while she stayed with her aunt (Robin's mother died two years ago).

When she found out, she was angry and says that she deserves to go. My husband begged me to take her but I refused. I want to relax and enjoy life with my kids and family who love me. I feel like I deserve it.

Taking her without her father being there means i have to keep an eye on her on my own and deal with her not listening to me and being rude. My husband said she told him she will be on her best behavior. I said I don't trust her.

He even told me that he would with send her aunt and cousins with us, so that she could watch her there. I refused because this is a family vacation and I don't want a strange family tagging along. Plus, he could just send them all on a separate vacation away from me.

He refused because she wants to be with her siblings. I really need objective opinions on this. Am I being an a$$h0l3 by refusing to let her go with me?

Edit: Robin is 14 now.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

ChiquitaBananaKush

NTA

"my husband said she told him she will be on her best behavior."

The fact that she told him and not you, proves it will be exactly how you imagine.

rTracker_rTracker

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Robin has “gotten away” with treating you like garbage. Don’t let her get away with convincing everyone of a lie just to be rewarded with a trip she doesn’t deserve. (And will absolutely ruin.)

Better to have Robin be angry and resentful over something she can learn from than what she would normally be angry over.

CrazyMath2022

If I m OP, seems that these is annual vacation, if Robin during this year improve her behavior she can join next year, because she needs to be consistent in her (good) behavior for me to take on responsibility.

OP NTA, tell hubby that Robins' behavior towards you was indicator that she can't be trusted that she will listen and obey to you as parental figure. If she wants to go next year then she needs to improve communication and behavior towards OP.

Yankeeangel988

I feel like kind of? She’s a kid. You could try a heart to heart with her and/ or therapy. You have to know that her mother had to have convinced her that it was your fault she couldn’t stay with her mom. It sounds to me like Robin is angry, and resentful.

Her mom is dead, she barely saw her after her mom pulled the nonsense of not being able to care for her kids herself. Have you tried therapy? This could if you set it up right be a trip that changes your relationship. I would say that it’s really unhealthy for everyone that this is just allowed to continue.

The OP responded here:

Plane_Reaction_5746

I've always known she is angry and resentful. She went to therapy a few time but refused to continue. Her father doesn't want to pressure her anymore about it. I've tried talking to her so many ways over the years.

I even cried on multiple occasions and begged her to be nice to me. I've basically raised her since her father works so much, but she just hates me. We've been on vacations before and she really dampened my mood even with her father with us.

A lot of the times when her rudeness towards me gets out of hand and I keep quiet her siblings start fighting with her over it. She makes spending time with each other so tense. I can't even imagine how bad it will get without her dad there for a whole month.

Dlraetz1

It seems to me that you need to have an Actions Have Consequences talk with Robin and clearly explain that the reason why she can’t come with you is because of her behavior. If she starts acting more respectful then she can come next year. Be clear that you’re not demanding her love, but the price of a cool trip to Europe is a year of respect and common courtesy.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? If you could give them any advice, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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