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Man tries to call out friend for not giving him a wedding present, calls him tacky. AITA?

Man tries to call out friend for not giving him a wedding present, calls him tacky. AITA?

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"AITA for calling out a friend for not giving me a wedding present?"

Prestigious-Two-1451

Hello reddit, first time user here (38M). So I have a situation with a friend of mine (38M). We both had our weddings last year, and we have a discrepancy around wedding presents.

He got married in May 2023 and I was a groomsmen in his wedding. He was fairly demanding around his bachelor party, including asking the groomsmen to cover all his expenses related to his bachelor party. He also had us all rent specific tuxedos ($200) to fit his vision for his wedding.

I decided with my wife that the right gift was $250 in cash. The wedding itself was out of town, we had to fly and pay for a hotel, which is more than fine. The wedding itself however, was lacking. There was not enough food or drinks for the guests, and I even had to buy additional alcohol for the bar.

I was married in June 2023 and it was a more extravagant wedding with 5 different events. Each event covered the food and alcohol for all the guests. While he was not a groomsmen, we did not have wedding attire requirements for anyone.

However he did have to fly and pay for a hotel, just like us. Given our wedding was three weeks after his, I thought I would have gotten at least some present from him since we had just given him a present. Not only did we not receive a smaller gift, but we received NO gift. Of note, like us, he and his wife are financially comfortable.

Fast forward several months, I am happily married, but this situation from our wedding does weigh on me. In addition to the gift discrepancy, I had created a group chat with 15 of my friends that remains active to this day during my own bach party.

The group of friends are those closest to me, and includes people from all parts of my life. This specific friend has no other attachment or previous relationship to any of the other friends in this chat other than me.

We recently started a NCAA tournament betting bracket, and this friend ended up winning $220. So, not only did he and his wife attend all my wedding events without reciprocating a wedding gift, but he’s now befriended my friends and profited off them (fair and square I know).

Now that enough time has passed since our weddings, I would like to reach out to him and let him know how I feel about him not giving us a wedding gift after we had just given him one. I know you are not supposed to talk to people about gifts, but I feel this situation is an exception. I need to know, AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

BigBigBigTree

"I know you are not supposed to talk to people about gifts, but I feel this situation is an exception."

It's not. Not bringing a gift is tacky, but "confronting" him about it is even tackier. YWBTA.

GandalfTheEarlGray

Bro the tone of this is so weird. Are you friends with this guy? You seem to not like him at all. Just stop being friends with the dude if he isn’t putting in the same level of care and consideration into your friendship as you would like. Making it about wedding presents is just weird though and makes you seem very materialistic.

Justsaying0000

You have a choice - accept that your friend had some rationale or reason for not gifting you, let it go and move on. Stop acting like he's done something improper for winning fair and square in a racket everyone participated in willingly and for for fun. Stop looking at him now through the lens that he's a cheapskate. Stop resenting him. Move on.

OR - don't. Hold onto it and let it smolder. Eventually, this will all fade one way or another and the guy will remain your friend, or it'll kill the friendship. Maybe you have other issues with him and don't want the friendship. If you keep perseverating and holding it against him, it'll damage or end the friendship.

OR - ask him why he didn't give you a wedding gift and let him know you're disappointed and expected parity. You may feel momentarily better, but what that does is effectively shift the misgivings about the friendship to HIM.

Whatever he says to your face - he'll be wondering what kind of friend keeps score that way over something relatively petty, and why you humiliated him by bringing it up.

Then he'll be the one facing the choice about whether to let it go, smolder, tell you he thinks it was crummy to bring it up/hold it against him, or downgrade/end the friendship. Your choice.

Living-Assumption272

YWBTA. Not giving a gift is tacky, but don’t react to it with something that also has its own level of tackiness. I think it’s something that you just have to write off and let it go.

FuzzyMom2005

Soft YWBTA. It'd be tacky to confront him. Unfortunately, you saw his true nature during his wedding events. And he demonstrated it again for your wedding. It'll affect your friendship for sure. But if you do confront him, do you think you'll get a sincere apology or just a bunch of excuses that would probably make you more upset?

Kasparian

YWBTA. Should he have purchased a gift? Sure, but technically etiquette rules state it’s permissible to give the gift for up to a year after the wedding. What are you hoping to accomplish by confronting him? That he begrudgingly buys you one? Gifts are always better when they’re forced.

You chose to be a part of his wedding. You weren’t obligated to do so. It’s unfortunate that his was so poorly planned, but the fact that yours was better managed is irrelevant to this. If people choose to buy gifts for a wedding, they’re going to do so regardless of whether or not they deem your wedding a good affair.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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