'AITA for not accepting a dozen roses from my husband after my surgery?' UPDATED

"AITA for not accepting a dozen roses from my husband after my surgery?"

I had to have a lumpectomy on one of my breasts due to cancer. My husband took me to the hospital for the procedure and left to go "run errands." I had never had this procedure done before, and finding out I had cancer was a scary thing. He said he'd be right back while they were prepping me for surgery.

Once I was ready and waiting to go into surgery, the nurse asked if I wanted my husband to come sit with me until it was time to go in. I said yes, but she came back and said she couldn't find him. I sat in the room by myself for an hour, and he still didn't show.

I went into surgery without any reassurance from him, no kiss on the cheek with an "I love you" or "everything will be okay." It was such a lonely feeling and I was wishing that I had brought my mom with me instead. The procedure was done within an hour, and I was in the recovery room.

Once my anesthesia wore off, I was awake and realized my husband STILL had not returned. At this point, I was really getting worried. The nurse said he wasn't answering his phone, and she seemed irritated that he wasn't there.

The nurse went on to give me post surgery directions, which I was only half listening to because I was still kind of out of it, plus with my increasing worry of where the hell my husband was. The nurse comes in after a half hour and says, "sweetie, we are still trying to call him, but if he doesn't get here soon, you won't be able to leave.

There is a big storm coming in, and this wing will be on lockdown until the storm passes." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I just wanted to go HOME. Ten more minutes go by and he waltzes in with a dozen roses, like he was the most thoughtful husband ever.

When I asked where he was, he told me he was at the bar because he was hungry for one of their delicious burgers. I told him that I had been waiting alone throughout the whole ordeal, and that he should have been there for me. He said he was sorry and held out the roses.

I told him he could take the roses and shove it, and that I was never having him come with me during a medical procedure ever again, because he SUCKED. I was getting part of my breast removed while he had a tasty burger and a beer? WTH?????? Tears streamed down my face the entire ride home.

UPDATE:

I have no idea how to update other than edit this post. Anyway, I had NO idea how many views this post would get, or how much support I would receive, so I thank you all so much. I want everyone to know that this post was an event that happened to me in 2010. Next time I will write that initially to avoid confusion.

I chose to write this it in AITA because when this did happen, my husband made it seem like I was the ungrateful one for not appreciating his "thoughtful gesture." Even though many years have gone by, I thought it would be interesting to get feedback on this event in my life. So, for those who thought this was a fake story, it's not.

So, yes, 15 years have gone by, and for those who I haven't responded to, I AM getting divorced now. Other life events took precedence to getting a divorce soon after this had happened, and in 2010, I wasn't ready to make that decision. I found out that he was an addict and I tried to help him in his recovery.

We had kids and I still loved him then. He was also sober for about 6 years (at least that is what I think was true) and I thought things were going to be okay. So much happened in the time from 2017 to now that I am going to have to post other stories on here!

If you thought this story made him an ahole, the other stories more than sealed the deal for divorce. I kicked him out and we have been separated for almost 3 years. Divorce will be final next month.

I am happy to say that I am cancer free, even though I had a second diagnosis with breast cancer in 2023, which is the reason the divorce isn't already a done deal. But now I am strong and ready to fight this last battle - as I call him my 3rd and LAST cancerous tumor that needs to be removed from my life! Thanks again everyone for all the love and support! It means a lot!

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

unsaltedbeans said:

NTA. Not being there for you is already bad, but not even bothering to answer his phone while he knows you’re going into surgery is beyond disrespectful.

LioraRosabelle said:

A dozen roses can’t make up for a dozen ways he failed you when you needed him most. He left you alone, scared, and sedated for a damn burger, he can keep the flowers.

RubyKitsune said:

NTA: when someone shows you how little they care about you and your well-being, trust me, you believe them and you don't play it off. Even simple surgeries come with risk and he full on made excuses and left.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if he planned to do this from the beginning and just figured you'd be too out of it from surgery to notice and all you'd remember is that he brought you flowers - how lovely.

He ignored his phone - he didn't not hear it or anything. He purposefully IGNORED it. Because when someone you care about is in the middle of surgery and you cannot be there, you keep that phone with you on tenderhooks for updates.

He clearly couldn't have cared less what happened to you, he just saw it as a couple of hours of solo leisure time. Personally I'd have had a nurse tell him when he finally came back that there had been complications and really make him feel like crap.

Responsible-Bar-4287 said:

NTA. You should be proud for telling him how you felt. Going through that alone and worried was tough but you did it. Your spouse is clueless. A burger and beer doesn’t take several hours. What the heck was he doing? I hope everything worked out for you.

haelesor said:

If someone is in the hospital for surgery where for some reason I am unable to stay the whole time and the hospital calls me my FIRST thought is going to be that something has gone horribly wrong and that the person is possibly dead or dying and I need to haul butt back to the hospital.

Your husband not only left you over an hour before you were even supposed to head into surgery and but he then was completely incommunicado for several hours after. You could have been dead for all he knew and he just waltzes back in acting like nothing happened? Yeah...Tell him he can use his rear end as a vase for those roses. Beer and burgers my butt. NTA.

BattleBeast101 said:

NTAH some people can really be inconsiderate I hope you recover well OP