'AITA for not accepting my husband's expensive Christmas gift?' 'The limit is $100.'

"AITA for not accepting my husband's expensive Christmas gift?"

I (42F) and my husband (43M) have been together for about 25 years now. Our wedding anniversary is even Christmas Day! So, to put it simply, I love Christmas! This year will be our first Christmas as empty nesters. Our child has flown the coop and so I said that I would like to keep Christmas small.

I've got multiple chronic illnesses and over the years the work of making Christmas magical has gotten more and more difficult. So, both of us agreed a week ago to cap the total amount spent on each other at $100, so the gifts would be just regular things we like. I sent him an Amazon wishlist and additional shops with items to choose from.

I'm also disabled and have limited income, so $100 is the maximum I could do. My husband sometimes gives me an allowance for gas and food but it depends on his mood. Today is Black Friday. I left the house to try and find some deals I could afford for Christmas. My husband doesn't give me a list, but that's okay because I know what he likes and what his clothing size is, so I can just shop for him.

I just returned, and there's a big box covered with a blanket in the living room. My husband was super excited and said that this was my Christmas gift, and he wanted me to open it now, because there's something that goes with it that he still needs to order but it's only on sale today and he wants my input on which one to pick. So...I "unwrapped" my Christmas gift to find a....microwave oven.

It's a very nice microwave. It's a built in that we will need to install. And our microwave broke last week, so I'm glad to get a replacement at Black Friday prices. The "matching" gift is a stove from the same brand. There's 2 options on sale. Our stove element is dying and my husband already rejected fixing the part because the stove is so old. It's a very nice stove.

My husband is very happy. He said I can now get back to cooking at home. And how now he doesn't need to bother with any more shopping or wrapping gifts, both things he dislikes. I told him that I was glad he saved money on things we needed to replace but I was not accepting this as my Christmas gift.

We can call it the anniversary gifts, as those are usually larger items we buy together that we both use (think TVs and such) and we often shop together on Black Friday for those gifts...but the limit for Christmas is $100, not $3000+.

My husband got upset when I said I wasn't accepting the microwave and stove for Christmas. He said I'm ungrateful and just want more stuff from him because I can't buy it for myself. He said he should just return everything since I don't give a damn about the work he put into giving me something nice.

Then he went upstairs to his office and hasn't come back down, even when I made breakfast. AITA for not accepting his gifts? They are nice and we do need them. Should I apologize so we keep them, because we do need them?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

NoDescription2609 said:

Wait, did you say you get an "allowance" from your husband? For food? And only sometimes? Are you his child? NTA and those are not presents, those are tools so you can do more for him. WTF? And you know what he likes but he needs a list and can't even do that? So many red flags and you might want to look up financial abuse.

BreastClap said:

He might give you money for gas and food depending on his mood? Are you ok? Serious. Are you safe? Nta. This is akin to you buying him a new vacuum. Or toilet. It’s a necessity for life.

SL8Rgirl said:

Appliances for the home that you will both use are not Christmas gifts unless they were specifically asked for. It’s an expensive but lazy cop out. NTA.

ButtonsSnapZipper said:

NTA for not appreciating your husband's lame attempt at not having to actually put any thought or effort into getting YOU (not the house) a gift. After his non-appreciation of your non-appreciation, I wouldn't even want a gift from him. Nor would I get him one. I would take the $100 you were going to spend on him and get yourself a real gift. One that shows you know you and what you would like.

terraformingearth said:

25 years of marriage and your husband sometimes gives you an "allowance?" And he considers a stove a gift for you? Sorry, you have WAY larger issues than whether to "accept" a stove for your home.

RealEvidence7994 said:

NTA. You should never buy appliances or "house stuff" for someone unless they ask for it. You wanted something personal for yourself. You even gave him a wish list so that he didn’t have to put a lot of work into it.