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Teen grapples with parents’ decision to adopt foster child, struggles to accept her as sister. AITA?

Teen grapples with parents’ decision to adopt foster child, struggles to accept her as sister. AITA?

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"AITA for not accepting my parents' foster child as my sister?"

My (15F) parents have been fostering Julia (6F) for the past 7 months. She turned 6 three days ago and we celebrated her birthday together. They later told me Julia told them her birthday wish was that I loved her back.

I felt so sad and guilty when I heard this. I already like her but she clearly didn’t feel this way. My parents then told me maybe I should have a talk with her and tell her she’s my sister and I love her. I told them I don’t feel ready for that talk. I like Julia but it’s been just 7 months and I don’t see her as my sister.

They asked me when I would feel ready and I said I don’t know. I told them I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly see her as my sister. My parents seemed to be surprised by my response.

They paused for a while and then said soon they will adopt her legally, so I should accept she’s going to be my sister. I don’t know why but I felt so hurt and I started crying.

They tried to calm me down but I just couldn’t stop crying. I felt too overwhelmed and threw a little fit. My mom said she’s so disappointed in me and my dad told her to give me some time process things.

This morning they wanted to talk about this again but I didn’t want to. My mom told me I’m not a kid anymore and that I need to do better than this. Now I can’t help but feel resentful towards Julia. I know she’s just a kid but part of me even thinks she told them about that birthday wish of hers on purpose to make me look bad. AITA?

ETA / INFO: Yes I'm an only child. They didn't start the legal process yet. My mom meant it like they made up their minds about adopting her, as in it is their final decision and they will begin the process soon. (Sorry if that part was confusing! English isn't my first language.)

I read through all of your advice. I decided to have that talk with my parents. I mean we will have to make that talk at some point anyway, I can't escape forever. I couldn't express myself properly the last time, so hopefully this time I can.

I will try to not get emotional and I won't try to change their minds or anything. I would feel forever guilty if they gave up on Julia because of me. I will just express my honest feelings about the situation. I will also try to work on those feelings.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

NTA. Your mother is not being fair trying to guilt you into expressing something that you do not feel. Your father sounds like he at least nearly understands by telling your mother to give you more time. I would be pushing back at your mother. Don't get involved in arguments about whether Julia is or is not your sister - keep it to that ^.

If your mother keeps putting you under pressure, ask her exactly what she - or, allegedly, Julia - wants you to DO. There is no obligation for you to "love" Julia, as long as you are kind to her, which it sounds like you are being as you said already that you like her.

Sounds like you are being the adult around this as you've obviously thought about it quite carefully, which is far more to your credit than just giving in to pressure. Take care.

Outrageous-Ideal-637 (OP)

"I wonder if she is missing having a young daughter now you are growing up."

I think so too, and it hurts me to see her doing all the fun things we used to do together with Julia. None of that feels special anymore. She's even calling her the same nicknames she used to call me when I was her age...

I know I shouldn't be saying this because parents are supposed to love their children equally but it hurts even more to think they love us equally when it's just been 7 months.

They probably love her even more because she's younger. I don't think I could ever accept two strangers as my new parents but they accepted her as their new child in less than a year. I just feel so unimportant.

"They later told me Julia told them her birthday wish was that I loved her back."

I highly doubt a 6 year old said this. That screams of your parents manipulating you. You've got three years until it's time to go to college.

I'd relax, get the best grades you can in high school, join extra curriculars (which are needed for your college applications anyway), and definitely don't let your parents force anything. In time, you may see Julia as your sister or you may not. Either way, it's ok. NTA.

totallyworkinghere

NTA. It's been less than a year! You might not have even bonded with a biological sibling that fast! I understand your parents wanting everyone to get along, but where they become AH is telling you they are adopting Julia without asking your opinion. Before all this, if they had asked you, do you think you could have lived cordially with Julia on a permanent basis?

People here are also going to tell you not to feel resentment towards the little girl. But in your case, feeling some resentment is normal. You do not need to feel guilty for having emotions. Family counseling would definitely be helpful here.

What the f?&ck is wrong with your parents??????? A parent should never make a child feel guilty for not loving or accepting another child/person. Just the fact that your cooperative and accepting is enough. Don't blame the 7 year old childen, she doesnt understand. But your parents sound like jerks and needs some therapy. This is coming from a parent with 3 adopted kids. SMH.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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