Me (36) and my ex-wife (34) were married for ten years and have been separated (Divorced) for 4 years because she cheated on me with one of the interns. This betrayal was a blow to me, because we had built a whole future together.
Even without children, something that as I was sterile and I could never provide her, something that had never been a problem for us until she made a point of throwing it in my face when I caught them in the act to justify herself.
My whole family knew about it and stood by me in the separation except my niece who was always very attached to both of us and especially to her, and said that I should forgive he. And although it hurt me to disappoint her, I couldn't go on with the marriage.
After the separation I was able to gradually rebuild my life and even found a new girlfriend who I will call jane (32) who has two adorable children, John (14) and Anne (6) and I love them as if they were mine.
Four months ago I received the invitation to my niece's wedding and promptly accepted...until she told me that she hoped that my ex-wife and I would be her best men at the wedding. I was shocked and I made a point of firmly saying that I could not accept the invitation and that if she was a bridesmaid, I would not go to the wedding and much less enter together.
She got upset and broke down crying. Now my family is telling me that I'm being too hard and that I should do this for the sake of my niece. My girlfriend also seems guilty and said that it would be okay for a day, but I don't think it's fair. Am I an idiot?
Less_Watch7655 said:
You can’t avoid your ex being at the wedding but you definitely don’t need to walk in with her. This is some weird action on your niece’s part to have “the old family” back together for a moment but it’s not appropriate.
SoMuchMoreEagle said:
NTA. Regardless of the reason, you two have been broken up for 4 years. Your niece needs to accept that. She can have a close relationship with your ex, but she doesn't have the right to impose that on you.
Asking you both to attend and be civil is one thing, but to ask you to enter together, sit together, or interact in any way is too much. Hasn't your ex also moved on? Or does she want to get back together? Could it be her manipulating your niece into trying to get you two back together?
DrKiddman said:
This is really a stupid demand at this point. Your niece must know that you’ve been divorced for four years. You don’t need to see your ex for even five minutes. NTA.
LindonLilBlueBalls said:
NTA. Ask your family why they don't care about your feelings? Then reach out to your nieces fiancé and ask them if it is really the best idea to start their marriage off with the reminder of broken wedding vows and having an adulteress in the wedding party.
teatimehaiku said:
NTA for not wanting to walk with your ex, especially given the context of your breakup. I think you should still go to the wedding, though. Your niece might have been thoughtless about this particular situation but you should still be there for her on her day.
I'm sure you can be an audience member and keep your distance from your ex. I'm sorry you still have to see a person who brought you so much pain, though.
Jumpy_Succotash_241 said:
NTA, and you really need to have a serious talk with your niece. You need to make it crystal clear you and your ex will NEVER be getting back together, like ever! She seems to be trying to parent trap you both in an attempt for you to reconcile. You need to be firm with her.
She probably also thinks your current girlfriend is in the way so you need to make it clear that even if you were single then it's still definitely a hard no. It's never going to happen. She's going to ruin her relationship with you if she carries on.
CapnMal8 said:
Nope! You are not an idiot. Your niece is. She is also selfish, thoughtless, entitled, manipulative and childish. NTA.