'AITA for not acknowledging the flowers my husband brought home?'

"AITA for not acknowledging the flowers my husband brought home?"

Before kids my husband would often surprise me with flowers. Sometimes I would wake up and there would be flowers out of nowhere. That all stopped once we had kids. In 9 years no more surprise flowers. Our marriage has been on the rocks because of communication issues.

Earlier this week I came home from a long day in the office with both kids, carrying all of our crap. While I was putting everything down I heard my kid ask what the flowers were for. I had an instant second of joy. I was still putting my jacket and shoes away and didn’t see them or him.

And he just said “oh just to have." Suddenly, my joy vanished. I felt so silly thinking they were for me. He works from home and I saw he had moved his car so I knEW he must have gone somewhere. I thought, finally! He thought to be thoughtful again. I felt so stupid thinking this. So I continued to change and unpack and get the kids their millionth snack.

He never mentioned the flowers. Finally at dinner, with the flowers in front of our faces, I asked him what they were for. He said they were for the house. The house. I again just felt so disappointed. I was sad and kept to myself the rest of the night and went to bed early. The next day, I texted him that I felt silly and disappointed because I thought the flowers were for me.

He said that they were. He said that I just never acknowledged them and he assumed I didn’t like them. I told him that when someone gets something for someone that they give it to them or tell them. He got defensive and I got more upset reflecting on the pattern of his bad communication.

He didn’t speak to me that evening until right before bed when he said he agreed with me that he should have said something but that he was mad at how upset I got about all of this and walked away. Now I’m starting my day on 3 hours of sleep because I keep replaying this over and over trying to figure out what led to this and if ITA.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

rjsmith21 said:

This is how you continue a downward spiral.

Moggetti said:

ESH. You guys need to talk instead of take passive aggressive jabs. You took mild exception to how he phrased the flowers, sulked instead of spoke up, and sent a text a day later instead of talking. It doesn’t seem like the communication problem is all on his side.

WaitingitOut000 said:

It’s not about the flowers. You have lost yourselves as a couple in the past nine years and need to work to repair the damage. Counselling, getaways together, date nights. You stopped making your marriage a priority and need to start, or it won’t survive when the kids leave the nest.

darrenwiseatvan said:

You said flowers would just appear, meaning he wouldn’t say anything about them then and that was a fond memory but now they must be presented to you . He’s putting in some effort at least, you on the other hand are putting in obstacles to your own joy.

wrxninja said:

Okay...deep breath. Sounds like you two could use alone time? When was the last time you guys went on a date? I know a lot of people say communication is key but if there are missing puzzles such as actual actions (not talking about flowers) and fulfilling each other's needs...

Then all the communication may not seem like it's working. Obviously there's way more story to this than this flower incident so everyone is just speculating but the fact that you're wanting flowers and feel loved...what does he also want?

New_Beach1011 said:

ESH. He made a nice gesture and presented it in a way that minimized it. Instead of talking about it in the moment, you texted him the next day and then stewed about it all day and night.

Just use your words at the time you're feeling something instead of letting it fester and become something so much worse. You're a parent. You need to model communicating so your kids can learn too