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'AITA for not allowing my dad’s plus-one to my wedding?' 'He asked if he could use my mother's seat.'

'AITA for not allowing my dad’s plus-one to my wedding?' 'He asked if he could use my mother's seat.'


"AITA for not allowing my dad’s plus-one to my wedding?"

I (29F) am set to marry my boyfriend (32M) Cal in September. We’ve been together a little over five years and engaged for about nine months now. One of the first things we decided on for our wedding was that it would be relatively small. We planned for (including ourselves and the bride/groom party) a total of 100 people.

It was a bit difficult to shave down our guest list to fit that, but we managed, and we will also be streaming the ceremony so that those who cannot attend will still be able to witness our union.

A couple weeks ago, I thought Cal and I had everything figured out, deposits paid, dresses and tuxes picked out, decorations ordered etc etc. It may sound a bit early to have all my ducks in a row but I have always preferred being as prepared as possible as quickly as possible over last minute headaches.

Anyway, I thought I had everything finalized or figured out, and then my dad (47M) called, asking if his girlfriend (45F) could come, because his invitation “didn’t allow for a plus one." I didn’t even know my dad had a girlfriend.

My mom passed late last year, and I had no idea my dad had even started dating again. I told him no, that there was no room, as the guest list had been finalized and explicitly stated there would be no allowance for additional guests or plus-ones.

Here’s where I might have been the ahole. Dad asked if his girlfriend could “use my mother’s seat." And I got INCREDIBLY upset. “My mother’s seat” is an extra chair that will be decorated and left empty for my mother in her memory since she can’t be there on my special day.

Pretty much everyone who is going to my wedding knows about this chair. I again, very firmly, told him no, and that his girlfriend is not invited, but she is welcome to watch the livestream. Dad told me I was being rude and ungrateful and that he’d call me back later, then hung up.

He’s not always been the most agreeable person, but this was shocking to me. He has continued to ask, I have continued to say no, and he isn’t slowing down. Am I being an ahole here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ScoobaChick28 said:

I just can’t believe he has the audacity to ask if she can use your mother’s chair!!! Holy hell!!! Is your Dad helping to pay for the weding? If so, then I’d allow him a plus one, but it needs to be VERY strictly stated that under NO circumstances can he let anyone know he has a plus one, as it would get other people asking for the same.

If he is not helping pay for the wedding, you can tell him that the reason that no +ones were allowed, was in order to stop a whole bunch of people asking for it. Tell him you don’t want to set this dangerous precident because you really just can’t afford loads of extra people, and if people find out that he has a plus one, it will not stop at just him.

You can also mention to him that your mother has passed less than a year ago and you really don’t want a girlfriend of his to be at the wedding because this is too new for you. Under these circumstances, NTA.

laurasdiary said:

NTA. Your father’s suggestion of his girlfriend using your mother’s chair was shocking and uncaring. He’s absolutely out of line.

the-minsterman said:

NTA. Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. It's your wedding and you do exactly as you wish. I think the idea of the chair is very thoughtful and made me quite emotional reading it. I think your dad is being incredibly insensitive towards you, and should have realized how this would make you feel.

You're not being rude and ungrateful at all, he is showing a lack of empathy and support for his daughter. This day is about you and your partner. It is also about anything you deem to be important - e.g close friends and family. This is not about him.

kimba-the-tabby-lion said:

NTA. She's a stranger. Your dad wants to put her literally (oh, really literally) in your mother's place. That is such an awful thing to even suggest. Up until now, she wasn't worth a mention, and now she's more important than a woman he lost just a short while ago.

Oh, God! I bet he was planning to just turn up with her as his plus one as a surprise! Plan was spoiled when the invitation didn't have plus one. And can you even imagine what your friends and relatives who loved her would think, if they found out you had decided that your dad's current gf was more important than your recently deceased mother.

If she was my sister, I wonder if I would even stay. You are a hero of you don't go LC/NC after this!

danniperson said:

Honestly, even if others were allowed a plus one, I don’t think it’s crazy to not want your dad’s new gf at your wedding when your mom just died. It’s your special day, and there’s too many complicated feelings there that dob’t belong at a wedding. Let alone dad wanting gf to have mom’s seat???? That way pushes it over for me. NTA at all.

OneIncident6879 said:

NTA. If your mom passed away only one year ago I could only imagine that you’re still mourning her loss. It’s your day and if you don’t want someone you don’t know there you’re allowed to make that choice.

It would be different if they were dating for a while and you had a relationship with her already. I'm sure if you saw his gf there it would remind you of your mom and potentially make you upset or sad. I’m sorry for your loss but her memory will live on.

ReviewOk929 said:

NTA - Your Dad, I mean, are there ANY words to describe how much of an ahat he is being here? Your Mom died (sorry for your loss) and he wants to sit his GF in HER seat at YOUR wedding. Like what the actual f dude....wooooooow.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

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