'AITA for not allowing ex to take away our children to a city far away from me?'

"AITA for not allowing ex to take away our children to city far away from me?"

My ex Robin 38f and I 40 are divorced six years back because she found a new love Dany. We have daughter 14f and son 10m. We aren't Americans. He has two children of his own, had lost his wife and with my wife have one more child.

My kids already feel that their mom don't focus on them anymore and focus on steps more than them and feel replaced. We have 50:50 custody. Dany got a big job offer 200 kms away and plan to move by next month.

My ex told me to let her take primary custody and she will make sure kids and I meet them every month once. And over the holidays. I clearly said no and have my lawyer involved. And we have custody hearing soon. My kids love their mother, but they love me too and don't wanna move to other state nor i want to stay away from my children.

Also I would have to pay hefty child support to her which she will surely spend on other kids. My lawyer told me that I will win it easily.Since then she and dany are fighting me every other day and calling me difficult. I refuse to budge and told her she can have her new life in other city. But I am not losing my children. She is free to move and pay child support.

My ex in-laws called me and told me it is good for kids to bond if I allow. They said kids already don't see step siblings as well as half as their own sibling. I told them they are not my parents and should've taught their daughter not to be a lying cheat. And my kids are old enough to decide for themselves. They hung up.

My friend told me kids need their mother and I can still be an involved father from distance. She told me to keep me ego aside.

But I don't think I am being egoistical. My kids are my lifeline.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

maleynaa wrote:

They are your kids too, don't let her manipulate you.

OP responded:

On my grave only. She can never. Eight years to go to break full contact with cheat like her.

aadi_nath wrote:

NTA. This story's husband needs to drop the friend that told him to be a father from a distance, being loved and cared for is important for the kids instead of being with the mother and getting neglected.

OP responded:

I am thinking to stay cordial only but no more friends.

Greg_Deman wrote:

NTA and anyone telling you that it's your ego is not your friend. You're their dad and appear to be the more stable parent. Also your kids don't want to move so how is that your ego? Better off if you go for full custody and she pays child support. Best of luck man!

bored_time_traveler wrote:

Why the kids need their mother, but not the father? Why should you parent from a distance and not her?

The most important matter here is that the kids don't wanna go. But even so, I still think you're NTA. You have a right to fight for the custody of your children.

whoknowswhywhat wrote:

You need to reconsider your friendship with that friend of yours if that's her advice. Instead of your ego in play, probably it's her self interest at work...chances are she wants to get with you. Work hard to keep your children since they want the same as you. Good luck.

OP responded:

I never thought that way but she spend most of time with me compared to other colleagues.

Responsible_Judge007 wrote:

BE EGOISTIC! YOU ARE AN INVOLVED DAD! Don’t let them talk you down on this because of your ex wants to move - she is free to do but that doesn’t mean it has to change anything for you! Your ex in laws are nut!

Their home „problem“ like the connection between the kids and stuff isn’t your problem to solve; not your monkeys- not your circus. And like you said: she can be the „holiday parent“ you will be the primary one. NTA.

MerryMisandrist wrote:

NTA - Not sure why you should be punished for your exs partner getting a new job. She is the one prioritizing the job over the kids and connection to you and kids current home. As for your friend > My friend told me kids need their mother and I can be still involved father from distance. She told me to keep me ego aside. Not much of a friend there, I read in a prior reply of your that you are going to go LC.

I would go NC, she can’t get past her gender bias and side with another woman who cheated on her husband, wrecked her family and seeks to drive a steak in to it further by giving you scraps for visitation and destroying your relationships. Your ex is a selfish person, yet your friend is siding with her because she’s a woman and a mom.

Silveratwilight1 wrote:

I absolutely hate when one parent gets ideas in their head and feels the other should just go along. She is choosing to leave the place that they call home and they have a right to stability. Her leaving does not mean they have to go too. Fight tooth and nail for their right to have consistency in their life. Also it never works when they push step siblings to bond, it's either natural or it's nothing.

Sandcraftedserenity wrote:

NTA. I had it written into my decree that my ex couldn't move out of the school district because I knew he would move back to our home state and neither of us made the money needed to allow us 50/50 time. We were married 22 years, 2 youngest were 7 and 12. We spent the majority of the time until youngest turned 18 living about 4 miles apart.

She's in love? Great. If he loves her like he says he does, he needs to come to her, because he shouldn't expect her to move away from the kids or move them away from you.

Don't let this one happen without a fight. I'm sorry that's what she's trying to do.