Woman gives husband ultimatum: 'Go on a business trip with your former affair partner, and I leave for good.' AITA?
"AITA for not allowing my husband to go on a business trip with the woman he cheated on me with?"
My friends have mixed opinions about this. Here’s our story: Six years ago, my husband cheated on me with a woman who was part of our social circle. I found out about it and wanted to divorce him. My husband made a considerable effort to repair our marriage, and I decided not to go through with the divorce.
I can say that since then and until recently, we had a beautiful relationship without major issues. I almost forgot what happened until, in 2023, that woman coincidentally got hired by the same company where my husband works. My husband did not hide this from me.
In fact, he seemed bothered by the awkward situation, especially since the company requires employees to declare any past or present relationships with coworkers. He didn’t say anything at work about their past relationship because all his colleagues know us both and know we have been married for 12 years.
It would have been a very strange situation. I felt chills down my spine when I heard the news, but I tried not to think too much about it. My husband hasn’t shown any interest in that woman, and our relationship hasn’t changed at all. It’s still a beautiful relationship.
Last week, both of them were notified that they have to go on a business trip to Canada. The two of them and another person from the company, but from a branch in another state who doesn’t know either my husband or that woman. This time, no matter how much I want to overlook it, I can’t.
The thought of my husband being around this woman again for 14 days drives me crazy. I told him I don’t want to hear about such a thing. That if he goes on this trip, I’ll leave home for good.
I know I’m putting him in a difficult situation, especially since he can’t really miss this trip without facing repercussions at work. I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty but also justified in behaving this way. Am I the ahole in this situation?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ok_Shock9350 said:
NTA. Jesus, why would you even need to ask?
Complete-Design5395 said:
NTA - Your husband messed up the moment he realized she works with him and decided not to tell HR. I’d draw the same line in the sand re: this trip and I would follow through if he goes on it. Dealbreaker for me. Actually, cheating is the dealbreaker…
Wanting to go on a work trip with his AP is just beyond messed up. He should’ve told HR immediately and started networking for a new job. It’s messed up he’s making you live with knowing he’s in close proximity and contact with his AP. Gross of him.
DevotedRed said:
NTA and you’re not putting him in a difficult situation. He put you in this situation when he cheated. This is a consequence of staying with a cheating partner - you figure but can’t forget. He needs to declare their past relationship to HR (it doesn’t need to be public knowledge) and inform them he can’t go for the sake of his marriage. Remember he caused this so don’t feel bad at all.
MistressNaomiXXXX said:
NTA. Your husband's past infidelity caused a significant breach of trust in your marriage. While you forgave him, it's understandable that you're triggered and concerned by the prospect of him spending an extended period alone with the woman he cheated with.
It's important to set boundaries in any relationship, especially after a breach of trust. You have the right to express your discomfort and ask your husband to prioritize your marriage and how you feel.
ResponsibilityOk2173 said:
This is so odd, the double-coincidence that she’d join the same company and now there’s a business trip they’d go on together. If it’s a large company, the first coincidence is likely nbd, but the second one is. If it’s a small company, the second one isn’t as unlikely, but certainly the first one is odd. And 14 days? In like, a honeymoon fortnight number of days?
I think you need to tell your husband this is a consequence of a thing he did back in the day and he needs to handle it. I’m in your camp, this would have me rattled. He likely needs to start looking for a new job, and it’s his fault.
Gosc101 said:
NTA he should have mentioned the issue to his superiors and HR, when this woman was hired there. It is his mistake to not do it and clarify he can't work closelt/alone with her. Wrong decisions and mistakes have their negative consequences. Between infidelity and not ensuring this dituation would not arise, even losing his job is a predictable result.