'AITA for not allowing my in-laws to give my kids Christmas gifts this year?'

"AITA for not allowing my in-laws to give my kids Christmas gifts this year?"

My husband and I (both 30s) are parents to our 4 year old daughter and our 3 year old son. Last year my husband was working on Christmas Day (he's a first responder) and I took our kids to his parents house to celebrate with the rest of the family.

It was when the kids were opening their gifts that I realized my husband's parents spent significantly more and bought significantly more for their granddaughters (including my daughter) than they did for their grandson.

My son is the youngest so at first I thought maybe that was why. But thinking back they have gone above and beyond for their granddaughters first Christmas' and I'm talking several stuffed animals across different sizes, all kinds of baby toys and sensory toys for babies and toddlers plus outfits and the works. We never got that for our son.

I mentioned this to my husband after Christmas and when he saw what our kids got he agreed our daughter got significantly more. But we didn't want to be rude about it so we said we would see if it was a pattern. We noticed it for their birthdays too. They spoiled the crap out of our daughter for hers and they spoiled all their granddaughters.

Not so much our son. It's not that he doesn't get a gift at all, but it's strikingly different the amount of gifts and the value. It's like buying a kid a bunch of merch from the Disney store and spending hundreds while the other kid gets dollar tree toys and noticeably less of them.

My husband brought this up to his parents and expressed our concerns about how the kids will take it. They denied doing it and said it was his/our imagination. My husband showed photos of the gift piles from them for both Christmas and birthdays.

Our daughters piles were far bigger and all were from popular brands. Our son's were either brandless or from brands not well known. He tried to make them see where our concern was coming from but they didn't agree and they said we can't decide how much they spend.

We talked it out and we agreed no more gifts from them if they won't at least try to make it similar. He told his parents and they thought we were joking. But we're not. My husband's working again this Christmas so I'll be with the kids again and I told my husband's parents when they brought it up that I would not allow gifts from them.

I said if they can't make an effort to keep things generally fair then then they don't get to give anything. I said I did not want my kids to grow up with one feeling superior and the other feeling inferior. They think we're taking this too far and that I'm imagining things being worse than they are. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

OkSignature3562 said:

NTA, tell them that their blatant favoritism has destroyed your relationship with them and the trust you had in them. If they can’t see the favoritism then they will definitely treat your son differently when you aren’t there. You should just not go over there as they will still try and give gifts.

jersey8894 said:

NTA and your children will thank you coming from one of the 3 kids who grew up being treated very differently by grandparents for being adopted!

toastedmarsh7 said:

Gift giving can’t be the only way they show their favoritism. Do they show him the same love they show her in non-monetary ways?

loricomments said:

My grandmother did that crap, blatantly, like my brother would get $10 in a card and I would get $5. Your kids may not notice now but they will in the future. You keep protecting your kids from their favoritism, especially given their denials in the face of the evidence.

boundaries4546 said:

NTA. The kids will notice. The girls in the family may start to brag about their gifts vs your sons. They can give money instead.

BDazzle126 said:

NTA, that's really messed up.

Hanwolf93 said:

NTA, kids sense these things, and they affect them..whether the grandparents notice they're doing it or not. I have a feeling there is a reason (not that it is valid) that they're doing this.

thisisstupid- said:

NTA, as the child that was not the golden child you are doing the right thing by protecting your son.