'AITA for not allowing my daughter to go to her grandparents for Christmas?' UPDATED

"AITA for not allowing my daughter to go to her grandparents?"

A short backstory. Me (36M) and my ex-wife (34F), let's call her Jessica, have an 11 year old daughter together, we can call her Olivia. Me and Jessica, divorced six years ago and she moved to a different region to be with her new boyfriend, a 6 hour drive away.

Our daughter stayed with me and we have had a legal argument where our daughter should live. The courts decided that our daughter should live with me, since we have lived in this town since our daughter was 3y/o. My ex's son George (15) lives with her and the siblings don't have the best relationship.

So to the issue. My ex's parents, Bradley and Regina, are not the best people. They are very narcissistic and snobby, look down on everyone, except people who are wealthier than them and that showed in my marriage.

They looked down on me, made my ex always feel bad about her looks, where she is on the chubby side. They hated our relationship and did everything they could to break us up, and they were successful with that about a year before our divorce.

They also show favoritism towards my ex's son, George. He gets everything he has ever wanted from Bradley and Regina, and especially Bradley, when Olivia gets only afterthoughts.

They for an example gave George a brand new very expensive bicycle three years ago, but Olivia was at her mother's home at the time and they took her to the salvation army to find her a bicycle, which I noticed, when Olivia came home, needed a lot of maintenance to be able to be used.

Same happens with regular birthday- and Christmas gifts. George gets big, extravagant and expensive gifts, but Olivia gets socks or a colouring book. Olivia always comes very disappointed back home from Christmas, due to this.

Olivia is supposed to go and stay with Jessica during Christmas this year. Jessica told me she would send them to get parents four days before she could go, but I told her I am not happy with Olivia to go stay with them without Jessica.

I told her I rather change the flight tickets for Olivia and change my Christmas plans, than to have Olivia sent to her grandparents and be treated like a second class citizen. I changed Olivias tickets and cancelled my reservation. AITA for not allowing my ex sending my daughter to her grandparents?

This is what people had to say to OP:

concernedreader1982 said:

NTA. You're protecting your daughter's mental health. Very admirable of you.

National_Pension_110 said:

NTA but you may need to involve lawyers. This is a battle you’ll need to continue to fight until she reaches adulthood. Start documenting everything that happened when your daughter is around them. Even consider videotaping your daughter as she recounts what happens with each visit. Your ex is not a good mother if she allows her daughter to be abused like this.

Obvious-Block6979 said:

I would ask your ex why she is so supportive of the unfair treatment of your daughter? How exactly she justifies wanting to leave her unprotected in the environment? NTA.

OP responded:

She has always been enabling her parents. She was raised by these narcissists, they know how to manipulate my ex-wife, how to guilt her into doing what they want. I think she is scared to push back.She has always been enabling her parents. She was raised by these narcissists, they know how to manipulate my ex-wife, how to guilt her into doing what they want. I think she is scared to push back.

And BirthdayAmbitious589 said:

NTA, protect your kid. If your ex wife has a problem tell her that her parents are taking their hate of you out on your kid and you will protect her.

A week later, OP shared this update:

So, for everyone who have been advising me to get a lawyer involved, I have a family lawyer on retainer, she did advise me on cancel my reservations and change Olivia's ticket.

So I have been getting tons of messages where Bradley and Regina are trying to guilt me on my decision. I have spoken numerous times now with Jessica, my ex-wife, about their behaviour, she knows how they operate and she sees the problem, but she is not willing to stand up to her parents, as they will then cut her off if she does and she won't be able to keep her lifestyle afloat.

I then got a phonecall from my attorney on Thursday, she told me that their lawyer has contacted me about this matter and they are trying to sanction me for blockage of visitation, but the truth is, she is going, but four days later.

Also, grandparents rights do not exist in our country, so they don't have a case, since Olivia will be sent straight to them and she is supposed to stay there four days unsupervised before Jessica will arrive.

The visitation that the court allotted Jessica is every other week, but longer breaks are to be discussed for each time. So, according to my lawyer, I am not blocking visitation, since Olivia will be with Jessica the weekend before and she is going during Christmas also.

I have now sold my brother in-law my tickets, so he will join my sister and my parents to a Christmas concert in my parents town that I was going to attend with my family. But me and Olivia will instead enjoy quality time together at home, before she leaves for Christmas, since I had taken those days off to travel to my parents.

Thank you all for these lovely comments, it really helped me to gain confidence in myself again, since my ex-in-laws have been bombarding me with messages to guilt trip me and to belittle me.