'AITA for not allowing my fiancé's family dictate my baby's life before it's even born?'
"AITA for not allowing my fiancé's family dictate my baby's life before it's even born?"
My fiancé (26 Male) and I (27 Female) have been engaged since the 16th of December 2025. Being of African culture, he made his way to my home to negotiate "lobola" (bride price), and all went well.
I've met my soon-to-be SIL way before us getting engaged, she was kind, welcoming and seemed to be loving... Fast forward to the 30th of December 2025, I fly back to Gauteng from Eastern Cape to be with my fiancé.
The next day we get an invite from my fiancé's mom for a New Years day lunch on the 1st of Jan and we accept. That same day, my fiancé took me to the hospital because I had a bad case of the flu and he didn't like that I wasn't getting much better.
During that doctor's consultation, we find out that we're pregnant and are 5 months pregnant (I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who didn't get any morning sickness or grow much of a stomach).
On the day of the lunch, we break the news to his mom and sister, and they're so excited and happy for us. They mention a few "traditional" things like the mom giving the baby it's first name, my fiancé shuts that conversation down and tells them, it's up to him and I what we name the baby and we won't be doing that...
Later, I'm helping his sister prepare the food in the kitchen and she mentions a baby shower and/or gender reveal for us. I tell her my sisters and friends might throw me one after I break the news to them.
She tells me that's so great and that I'm lucky to have them to do that for me, she also mentions me getting her in contact with whoever will be planning it once I know, so that she can be apart of it, I tell her no problem and we end that conversation.
Fast forward 2 days ago, my fiancé and I go for an anatomy scan to find out the gender of the baby and also to find that everything is still going well with the pregnancy.
The doctor writes down the gender in an envelope and closes it up for us, and we decide to take the envelope to my eldest sister for safekeeping. We both share how the appointment went with our family, mine takes it well, they don't question anything.
His side of the family however, go off... His sister tells him that she feels like we shouldn't have given the envelope to my sister, and that she's the aunt of the child (dad's side specifically) and that she feels like we're excluding her from OUR child.
She ropes in their mom and now even his mom is going off on him, telling him that she should be the one to have been given the envelope and she would be the one to tell us the gender of the baby, also to remember that I'm married into their family and that since I'm apart of their family now, I can't decide on stuff like this and have them go along with it, without discussing it with them first.
Right now, as I'm writing this post, his mom has since blocked him and told him that she'd be withdrawing herself from his life, and that he can do what makes him happy, his sister is riding that train like crazy, telling him that it's always been them 3 together.. So AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Yes you did marry into their family, but their son/brother also married into your family. Yes his sister is an auntie to this child, but so is your sister. Trying to claim that their family is more important than yours just because he is the man is nothing short of misogynistic. It’s 2026 FFS.
You need to stay out of it as much as possible, this is your fiancé’s fight. As long as he keeps standing up for you, they can throw as many tantrums as they want. It’ll be them that misses out.
NTA. MIL is going to backpedal when baby is born, claim OP is too sensitive to get upset at a silly comment, then bulldoze over any boundaries on child rearing and try to be the main decision maker on everything. At the end of the day, it’s your MIL so she’ll trickle back into your life somehow. Do not leave her alone with the baby or allow her to babysit or anything. Prepare for this.
NTA for your fiancé's family drama. Your fiancé is setting a boundary they do not like. It's a funny response to shut you both out completely because they are denied control over aspects of your new life together.
Gender reveal silliness it is! How did people ever cope back in those days when everyone had to wait for the baby's actual birth... Congratulations to you both, as well.
NTA. Bayahlanya laba, I’m sorry girl but you unfortunately have to deal with them forever and his mom blocked him as a manipulation tactic. I just hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery and set your boundaries now.
NTA. Tell her that your sister is ALSO the aunt but has also been respectful and non judgmental and therefore has shown she can be trusted with sensitive information. I'd also shut any conversations about births and mothers moving in and visits now.
Wow, the entitlement of his family is crazy. Hopefully the sister will follow mom’s actions and block him too that way you won’t have to deal with either of these women. I’m happy to see your husband has your back on this. So many times in these situations that is not the case due to a spineless mama’s boy. Congratulations on your pregnancy! NTA.
NTA. Mom blocking y'all actually works in your favor. Don’t reward her temper tantrum by giving her any attention. As for SIL ignore her too. When they can start acting like adults and have a rational conversation, maybe things can change. For now, I’d take a huge step back from both of them and reevaluate later.
I hope that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy. Part of that includes avoiding stressful situations and people. If MIL and SIL keep up the bad behavior then maybe they don’t need to play a (large) role in your growing families life. It sounds like your hubbs has everything under control and is protecting you. I hope that he’s able to stay strong and doesn’t fall for any of their manipulation.