'AITA for not allowing my MIL to see my son until she apologizes for giving him cake?'
"AITA for cutting my MIL off from seeing my son until she apologizes after she gave him cake when I told her not to?"
My son Kaleb isn’t even 1 yet, and I’ve been very clear that he’s not allowed to have cake or sweets (other than the occasional cookie). And when I say occasional, I mean he’s only had three cookies total in the past three months.
Recently, my MIL tried to give him cake. I literally looked her dead in the eyes and said, “Don’t you dare.” She went ahead and did it anyway. When I called her out, she brushed it off like it was “not a big deal,” saying it was “just the cake part, not the icing” or “basically a muffin,” and acted like I was overreacting.
She later “apologized,” but it wasn’t real accountability. She kept minimizing it and saying she didn’t see why it mattered. I told her straight up: if you ignore me in the moment about something with my kid, I cannot trust you to respect my rules. That means she could still see Kaleb, but only with me or my fiancé there.
Then she blew up. She sent me a long message saying me not trusting her was “lower than low,” that she’s been raising kids for 47 years, that she’s always had boundaries of her own, and that I’m the disrespectful one. She told me to stop “talking down” to her and not to message her about this again.
At that point, I decided: if she can’t respect me as Kaleb’s mom and can’t even give a real apology, she’s cut off. She won’t see him at all until she apologizes and actually shows she’ll respect my boundaries. To me, it’s not about cake — it’s about her looking me dead in the face, being told no, and doing it anyway. That’s disrespectful and broke my trust as a parent.
So, AITAH for cutting her off from seeing Kaleb until she apologizes?
Just wanna clarify the cookies he has had were the Gerber baby cookies and only small pieces. Also fiance is in agreement with me on this!
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
MangoSaintJuice said:
NTA but where is your son's father? He needs to be the one telling your MIL this not you.
OP responded:
This has all been happening just this morning and he’s at work and won’t get off for another 40 minutes and then he’s gonna be in on it too because his mom likes to screenshot everything that anyone ever says to her she thinks is disrespectful and send it to her oldest son and her oldest son just goes along with whatever she says, and it ends up a fight between him and my fiancé
PigsIsEqual said:
I totally get why you're pissed. But I'm not understanding why you said at first that she could only see Kaleb when you or DH were there. Didn't she do the cake thing right in front of you? If you couldn't stop it then, how were you planning to stop it on future visits?
If she does actually give you a sincere(ish) apology, maybe make the rule no food around Kaleb when she has supervised visits? Although she sounds like she'd deliberately find something else to annoy you!
No_Anxiety6159 said:
She couldn’t even remember what she fed her son 47 years ago, so when you say no cake, that should be the end of it.
AdventureThink said:
When my daughter was 4 months old, my sister was holding her, right beside me in the pool. I said “don’t take her under, I’m not ready for that.” My sister immediately dunked her and came up and said “mommy doesn’t know what she’s missing…!”
My daughter is now 7 and has seen my sister 1x since then. She was allowed to visit while someone else had her for the day.
Witty_Candle_3448 said:
If your family has a history of allergies to egg or wheat, cake could be dangerous. Your situation sounds like a power struggle. Your MIL is demonstrating that she has more power over your child than you do.
Then she pressures you to change your mind. Your husband could easily go behind your back and take the child to visit grandma. If he does, she won't and will forever have control over your child. My suggestion is to move far away.
OP responded:
I am stay at home. Mom and my son doesn’t leave the house without me. And my fiancé really doesn’t even leave the house without me anywhere he goes. I go unless he’s going to work.
manners33 said:
YTA. Have an actual conversation, not a yelling match. Make sure your husband is aware of this decision, as well. It's his kid too, and his mom. This is so overboard for something like this.
And OP responded:
I tried to have an actual conversation. I wasn’t being disrespectful. I was being as nice as possible and she kept getting disrespectful with me. That’s why she’s cut off and my fiance knows about it. He’s been texting her too.