"AITA for not allowing my mom to hold my baby?"
Hi. I am 23 weeks pregnant. A few days ago I was talking with my mom about the birth and of course I said that I only want my husband to be present. My mum understands that, but then she started talking about a visit right after and how she can’t wait to hold the baby.
I am due during cold season so I said that maybe I won’t be comfortable with people holding my baby right after - we also had a pregnancy loss before, so I have a feeling that I might be a little overprotective.
My mom took it personally and fell out about that. She said something like: “Do you really think that I would ask you? I will just take the baby. I had three myself and will know better what to do with him than you.”
This shocked me. I am also sad. I understand from where she is coming from, but at the same time I feel so belittled. I even thought about not telling her about the birth right away…AITA?
Background: My mom was always "the star" of the family and as a child I felt completely overlooked (emotionally). Because of that I moved out at 18yo. Since then our relationship got better, but this really surprised me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
daskleinemi said:
NTA...and this is all possible stuff. I'd recommend telling everybody you will be inviting people over when you're ready for visitors. And don't open the door if you're not expecting someone.
greatgatsby26 said:
NTA. I’m troubled by you’re explanation of why you might be the asshole, because you say you could just go over yourself for her happiness. I suspect you were trained as a kid to never piss off mom no matter what and make yourself self small so she never feels any negative emotion (the last part of your post implies this as well). It’s good to set your own boundaries and focus more on what you actually want now.
LaMisiPR said:
“I will just take the baby." Heck no, NTA, and wear your baby whenever she’s around, until and IF she learn to respect that you are the mom and what you say goes.
Xaphhire said:
NTA. Repeat after me: you're the expert on your baby. You may ask for advice, but ultimately everything is your decision.
SwordTaster said:
NTA, guess who doesn't get to visit you in hospital any more.
brattamerlane said:
NTA. What she said is wild, its not that far removed from a threat. Its your baby you get to decide who holds it. That said, whilst I can understand your concerns, I can also see why she took it personally.
If you have a good relationship otherwise might be worth looking to explain where your hesitation comes from. Based purely off what she said though I wouldn't have much time for this person