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'AITA for not allowing my son and DIL to use my vacation home for their baby shower?' 'She is two-faced.'

'AITA for not allowing my son and DIL to use my vacation home for their baby shower?' 'She is two-faced.'


"AITA for not allowing my son and DIL to use my vacation home for their baby shower even though I let my other DIL do so?"

I have three sons and they are all married. I have three DILs and I get along with two of them well. I do not get along with Holly. I find her to be two-faced, I am not going to hide that I do not like her.

The reason I think this is because she will talk crap about people behind their backs. She has done it with the the other DIL and with me. One example I can think of was during their wedding. I gave the couple a Le Creuset small set because they wanted good cooking equivalent.

Later I hear her saying it wasn’t the color she wanted and that I was cheap for getting the small set. She does this often, you try to do something nice for her and then she b$tches about you. It could be anything that isn’t up to her standards.

I have distanced myself from her and I don’t like interacting with her at all. I am okay not being close to her at all. I have a summer home, I allowed my other DILs to hold events up there. I got a call from my son and DIL asking to use it for their baby shower. I told them no.

This started an argument about me not treating them like the other family members and me pointing out the other family members are not twofaced aholes. They called me a jerk and the family is split. Some think I am being too harsh and others think it is deserved.

Later, OP edited the post to include:

Someone asked for more examples. My eldest DIL. Had a house warming party, after it she told everyone that her taste was shit and tacky. Oldest grandkid birthday, after the party went on how she looked like crap, couldn’t lose the baby weight and is a bad parent.

My youngest DIL. She is a big reader, dinner at their place. Made comments about all her books and made a comment implying books are her only friends. A lot of comments on her clothes, biggest one was at their wedding she made a comment that she should be wearing red since she looks like sh$t in white. (for people who don’t know saying a bride should wear red is offensive).

Me. The wedding one. I gave in the post. Another one was hosting Easter and she went after all my cooking. She has attacked my clothes multiple time, saying I am too old to dress like I do, I mostly wear jeans. These are just the ones I have heard from her mouth. There have been more but I heard that secondhand.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Fair-Lock1226 said:

NTA. The reason you’re getting mixed responses is because AITA hates MILs. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth is a common phrase for a reason. You can’t trash and bash people, and then expect them to accommodate your needs. From the examples you’ve provided it seems she mostly attacks other women.

Is she very friendly with the men in the family? Like in a way that she wants to be perceived as the number one female, and that could be the reason behind her behavior (even though it’s a garbage reason).

Either way, you’re DIL sounds like a capital B, and your son should have shut down these comments long ago, but he didn’t so now he doesn’t get access to the summer house. Oh well. You seem fine with a restricted relationship with the both of them, so go enjoy your other DILs.

SuperWomanUSA said:

NTA, I’m only commenting here because I see tons of comments around grandkids and her son. At the end of the day who you marry impacts your relationship with others. While OP may LOVE her son and would love to know her (nonexistent) grandkids, she does not have to also sacrifice self respect and her own mental health.

There are also comments for more examples: sometimes it’s “death by a thousand cuts” where it’s not one BIG thing but tons of small things that a person does that just rubs you the wrong way.

The moral of the story is: there is no obligation to have a close loving relationship with everyone someone in your family marries (you don’t even have to have that with your blood relatives). Relationships are formed based on how you treat people and how you are perceived…

orpheusoxide said:

NTA. You are low contact with them, the DIL has been mean enough to make one of the SIL break down crying, and you've caught her badmouthing you and others. However she still feels entitled enough to demand access to your vacation home and the trust to bring in people you do not know who may wreck it. The only reason she's contacting you is because she wants something.

FYourAppLeaveMeAlone said:

NTA. If she doesn't want to be called a twofaced ahole, she should learn to accept nice gifts graciously instead of complaining.

FinnFinnFinnegan said:

NTA she's rude and treats others terribly. Why do something nice for someone who treats you and others badly? Not worth it.

crypticXmystic said:

NTA. You reap what you sow. Her negative behavior has caused you to not want to allow her to use your place. Keep in mind though that goes both ways. She may decide to hold back on letting you spend time with your grandchild.

Perhaps letting her use the place could be a step towards repairing the relationship. Hopefully if they do use it they respect the place and do not leave it worse than when they got there.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family drama?

Sources: Reddit
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