"AITA for not allowing niece at my home?"
My sister has a 9-year-old daughter. For the past two months, I’ve been watching my niece, whenever she needed or wanted almost every weekend. My two younger daughters share a room they are 4 and 8. Our house is full of kiddos most of the time because I babysit for friends. We have a playroom for the kids and backyard and lots of toys and activities.
I have a standing rule that the rooms are for relaxing, or doing quiet stuff. Usually everyone has a slumber party in the living room, but the standing rule is no changing in the rooms. They go to the bathroom to get dressed or undressed. Me and dad also don’t let the doors be closed because they get too wild and sometimes rough house and overall safety.
This past weekend they all got so rowdy that they broke a door off of one of the closets. It was reiterated we don’t want the kids in the bedrooms for playing. And that was that. I feel was necessary to understand the issue.
Today my niece called her mom to come pick her up. My sister messaged me this “Hey Tammy said she was changing in the room with the door closed and Erik (my husband) had walked in the room I told her next time she is to dress in the bathroom."
"She called me all tripping she just not use to that because when her bedroom door is closed men/boys knock I have taught her that men/boys don’t get to see her dress so it flipped her out a little.“
What happened is Erik saw the room door shut and heard all of the kids in the room, he went over and opened the door and asked why they were in there because no playing in the rooms. Tammy was INSIDE the closet with the doors CLOSED she said “I’m getting dressed” he backed out into the hall way, and told our daughters to come out of the room to give her privacy then shut the door.
I called my sister and explained exactly what happened. And she said that Tammy told her that’s exactly what happened. And during the call she said “yeah I told Tammy she’s lucky that she with with her aunty because if it was anybody else I would of walked in there and had to say something.”
I got off the phone with her and thought about this whole situation. Her tone definitely didn’t seem harsh and she was laughing. She obviously wasn’t upset. Well she hasn’t seemed upset by what happened. While it hurts my heart I am tempted to say my niece isn’t allowed here anymore. OR, at the very least not allowed here without her mother (my sister) and will have to leave with her each time.
Because the implications in all of this has me very very unsettled. She knows what happened because her daughter told her the exact same thing I said. Did we/my husband do anything wrong. Any advice, I’ll answer any extra questions you guys have.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
neiseyinmo wrote:
YTA. With that many kids in the house, boundaries are necessary! I wouldn't stop letting your niece come over...but I'd implement the extra measures suggested here! AND I'd also have a vivo with your sister about how this came off/made you feel uncomfortable!
Available_Paper7738 wrote:
NTA. You gave clear instructions to children and their adults were also made aware of the rules of YOUR HOUSE when the situation arose. The children were aware of safe spaces for particular activities but obviously as children do they ignored it, just because they have different rules at their house doesn't mean that your methods are wrong though.
The only bit I could fault you on is banning her (niece) from your house without her mum. Niece hasn't spun a tale to cause trouble they informed their adult which is correct and very well learnt behavior and of course your sister just wanted to corroborate the story and make sure nothing had gone wrong as she trust you with her daughter. There's no need to ban her unsupervised just remind her of the rules.
bananasinpajaamas wrote:
YTA. This seems like quite an overreaction. You said your sister was laughing and not upset so it doesn’t seem like she’s implying anything and you agree Tammy told her exactly what happened. It seems like you’re still upset about the closet door being broken and the kids, all of the kids, not following your rules.
To which I think that the approach is to parent, remind of the rules then reinforce when they follow them. To me, no dressing/changing in the bedroom is an odd hill to die on. Your daughters are close to their cousin it would be crappy to disallow their cousin that they’re close with to come over, over this.
utahforever79 wrote:
It seems like your niece told your sister a half story (probably not maliciously as she’s 9). Then she got clarification and it ended with everyone thinking this is nothing.
As others have said, reinforce the rules, perhaps when friends come you block their doors with stoppers, and start knocking. Your 8yo gets zero privacy bc she shares a room; a knock is a kindness when she’s fortunate enough to have time to herself, no matter what she’s doing in there.
susiecapo71 wrote:
NTA it also seems like your sister is taking advantage of the fact that you care for children for a living and thinks nothing of just dropping your niece off anytime.
seeker6464 wrote:
I dont think YTA because you are nice enough to help so many parents by watching their kids. I do think you may be overreacting though. You should make sure to remind the kids to play safer, not close doors to bedrooms, and change in the bathrooms.
Your niece is 9, she is old enough to remember to change in the bathroom over your house. Also, remind her mom to remind her. It sounds like you aren't ask too much for rules, so surely they can remember that.