I (28F) am getting married in a few months, and I’ve been working on the details for a long time. It’s going to be a small, intimate ceremony with close family and friends. My sister (31F) has two kids, both under 10, and she recently told me that she wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding unless I allowed her to bring them.
She said that they were a huge part of her life, and she wouldn't leave them behind. I told her that this wedding was going to be adults only, mainly because we don’t have the space and the vibe I’m going for is more relaxed and quiet. She didn’t take it well and started saying that I was being selfish and that my wedding would be “ruined” without her kids there.
She kept saying how important it was to her to have them there, and that if I really cared about her, I’d change my mind. I offered her a compromise, saying she could have her kids in the photos but they wouldn’t be at the reception.
She was really upset about that and accused me of making her choose between my wedding and her kids. I feel like I’m being reasonable, but now the family is divided. My parents think I should just let her bring them because "it’s family," and that I’m being too strict. AITA for sticking to my guns and saying no kids at my wedding?
Bobd1964 said:
NTA. I have seen kids at weddings and most get completely out of control due to excitement, wanting to be the center of attention, food they don't normally have, being hyper and then overtired. Stick to your guns.
Deep-Nobody4663 said:
NTA. It’s YOUR wedding, and you get to decide the vibe and guest list. Offering a compromise with the photos is more than fair. Your sister should understand that this is a special, adult moment for you. Family is important, but so is respecting boundaries. Your wedding, your rules.
Samwry said:
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. No need to feel guilty about it. If you sister pulls that "if my kids can't come then I won't come either" bullshit, just tell her "well, we'll miss you..." She has known about this for a long time and is springing it on you at the last minute just to guilt-trip you.
Don't argue or explain or justify. Any of these will just give your sister and her flock of turds more things to argue about with you. Simply say, "sorry, we decided on a child-free wedding long ago." The kids can stay with their father for the day, it won't kill your sister to be separated from them for a few hours. Not like she is still breast-feeding or anything like that.
Mighty_Margarette said:
NTA. It's your wedding, your rules. You tried to compromise with the photos, which is more than fair. Weddings are about the couple, not making everyone else happy!
Ok_Homework_7621 said:
NTA. I've never heard of a wedding ruined by the absence of children. Quite the opposite. But your sister being an emotional toddler herself, sounds like you're better off without her, too.
Astar9028 said:
NTA - your sister is and so is everyone who agrees with her! It’s YOUR wedding day, not hers! It sounds like your sister just doesn’t want to pay a babysitter