'AITA for not apologizing to my BF's mom after my mom was cold to her because she threw me out?'

"AITA for not apologizing to my (21F) future MIL (58F) because my mother (48F) was cold to her after she threw me out when I was sick and had nowhere to go?"

A few information beforehand: My boyfriend (20M) and I are together for now 7 years in a long distance relationship (150 km). Because he is doing an apprenticeship and I'm in college we both don't have much money and are each living with our parents. We have to visit each other on the weekends and stay at our PILs houses. His mother and I don't really get along and I'm not allowed to stay longer than the weekend.

Now the situation : My best friend (20F) who lives in my BFs city called me on a Sunday crying and telling me that a horrible family emergency happend. I asked my BF if I could stay for two weeks at his place because two weeks later was her birthday. He asked his parents and they said it's fine. After her birthday my best friend called me and asked me to stay longer and that I could sleep at her place.

I agreed and stayed 3 days at her place, where I got bronchitis. Thursday night my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to come back to his place and I asked if it's okay for his parents. He said he didn't asked them but it will probably be alright so he picked me up and I spend the night there.

When I woke up he said his mother wants me gone immediately. I said I can't leave now because my best friend is gone until the next day so I can't stay at her place and I can't drive home because of a rail strike (I don't have a car).

Also I was sick at the moment (literally coughing blood) and had my period. He said his mother didn't care so I left. Outside I started crying and called my sister (16F). She told my mother who said she will pick me up and drove 1,5 hours to get me.

When I went to the car, my bf and his mom came out of the house too (MIL allowed me to wait for my mother at their place) and greeted my mother. My mother was angry but kept cool and even shook my MILs hand, but without saying a word. My mother gave me painkillers and food and we drove away.

10 minutes after that I got a message from my bf that he is furious because his mother started crying after we drove away because my mother was so cold to her.

He said that I am a terrible human being because I allegedly talked sh!t about his mother so that my mother would be angry and said I was disrespectful because I was allowed to stay two weeks and I wouldn't respect his parents decisions about not staying longer than weekends.

Also the fact that my mother brought me food made it seem like I wouldn't get food there which is also disrespectful according to his mother. My boyfriends whole family is mad that we made my MIL cry and he demanded that I apologize to his mother, while I think she should. So AITA because I didn't apologize to my MIL?

Edit: because people were upset that I stayed there while being sick: my boyfriend has chronic bronchitis from smoking and I think I got sick because of him, so I don't think I would get anyone else sick. Also I got tested negative for the virus at my besties house before him picking me up.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Babydolltrin said:

Please run. This man is asking you to apologize for his own ineptitude to ask his mother for you to stay for a little while and for his mother kicking you out when you were very sick.

With situation that it was how did MIL expect your mother to react. "Oh thank you for making me drive 1.5 hours to pick up my emotionally distraught and so heavily-sick-coughing-up-blood daughter"? Yeah this is a toxic situation. Please don't marry into this.

[deleted] said:

INFO: did you show your mom or your sister what he sent you? Because I think they might be able to give you some perspective here. I know this sub tends to get militant about the inviolable right of young teens to date and start serious relationships, but I think the fact that you started “dating” at 13/14 and stuck with the same person has stunted your sense of self worth and emotional maturity.

You genuinely don’t seem to have the life experience to understand what reasonable or appropriate dating behaviors include. If you’ll take an older stranger’s perspective, his reaction is not normal. It is not kind. It is not loving. And at the age of 21, you should not be afraid to not date him from now on based on a period of loneliness when you tried breaking up once.

OP responded:

I never really thought of it this way, but it really makes sense

jennylouwhoo said:

Do not marry this man. His mother will always come before you. NTA his mother and her manipulation is an AH

McHell1371 said:

NTA--so, are you supposed to be jumping for joy that she is kicking you out and showing zero empathy while you have bronchitis? I dont think so!! Is your mother supposed to be all warm and full of joy, barreling over with happiness at having to drive an hour and a half to pick up her sick child because of the lack of caring on another person's part? BFs mom needs a reality check.

And OP responded:

He said that it's disrespectful that I stayed two weeks but am mad that I got thrown out afterwards. Boy, I'm not mad that I had to leave, I'm mad because it's his fault that I was there on a weekday and I'm mad because I literally had no place to stay and were sick. One time I had to sleep on a playground because his mother acted up, but luckily I wasn't sick then.

She later shared this very short, sweet update:

I forgot to post here, but I broke up with him a while ago and I feel great!