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'AITA for not attending my daughter's wedding?' 'I was shocked and automatically did not approve.'

'AITA for not attending my daughter's wedding?' 'I was shocked and automatically did not approve.'


"AITA for not attending my daughter's wedding?"

Little background, I’m a 52 year old man and I just recently found out my youngest daughter who is 22 is getting married. She lives in Washington and works as an elementary school teacher, she doesn’t come home often as she has her own life pretty far from where we live, recently she came home for her brother (also my son's) baby shower as he and his wife are expecting their fourth kid.

I was happy to see her but was surprised when I saw a middle aged man with her, she then told me he was her fiancé, my ex wife and girlfriend were so happy as were my kids and my daughter in law.

I then found out my daughter was marrying a 42 year old man. I was shocked and automatically did not approve. This man was only 10 years younger than me and I didn’t appreciate the fact of him dating my young daughter. My family talked to him and he’s a good guy, he’s got his own contracting business and makes a lot of money, however I couldn’t shake the thought of this grown man taking advantage of my daughter.

I was very uncomfortable and to make it worse I found out she started dating him when she was 18. I nearly blew a gasket because all I could think was my barely legal daughter being taken advantage of by a then 38 year old man.

The next weekend she called me and asked if I’d save the date for May 25th as that’s when she’d be getting married, she said her fiancé opted to pay for the immediate families flights to Washington, I told her it wouldn’t be a problem as I wouldn’t be attending.

She asked why and I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with her marrying a man 20 years older than her, she told me she loved him and he loved her and that after they got married he told her she wouldnt have to work and he'd support her (she decided she loved working and was okay with continuing to work, he was fine with that.)

I told her I understood all that but I just couldn’t shake the icky feeling of my daughter practically marrying someone who could be her father. She told me she’d be heartbroken if I didn’t attend because she wanted me to walk her down the isle as she dreamed.

While I felt guilty I stuck to my guns, she hung up on me and when I got home my girlfriend asked why I wouldn’t attend the wedding and I told her my reasons, she said that wasn’t good enough and that this was an important day for my daughter.

My ex wife was also angry as was my other daughter, the only one who sided with me was my son as he would also not be attending due to not wanting to see that as it disgusted him for his younger sister to be marrying an older man as well as his wife's issue with flying since she was close to having her baby.

Now as I write this my ex wife informed me my daughter was crying her eyes out over the phone due to my son and I not attending her wedding, she said she didn’t want to get married if her brother and dad weren’t there and she actually called the wedding off, after months of planning her dream wedding she and her fiancé decided to elope instead then take their honeymoon to Switzerland.

I feel terrible as I know my daughter has been so excited about the wedding she planned. So, am I the ahole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Jizzlike_Mclovin said:

NTA. Keep an open line of communication available for her but that relationship does sound worrisome. I would not approve nor be able to support such choices. I’m just not a fan of such extreme age gap relationships specifically when it’s between an established adult and a person who was barely an adult when they started dating.

oceansapart333 said:

NTA but I’d be telling her that if she ever needs, you will drop everything immediately to go get her and help her.

Desperate-Face-6594 said:

YTA. This is happening, just play along and be there to pick up any pieces if it doesn’t work out. You aren’t stopping this, you’re just isolating yourself and making a judgment on someone you don’t know. Have a little bit of faith in your daughter that she recognises something inherently good in him. He may just be good but you can’t win the argument so don’t have it.

monchi3 said:

YTA. Great job at supporting your daughter. It really makes me wonder what type of father were you? Why is daughter looking for a sugar daddy? Have you always been this supportive of your daughter’s choices?

She might have been groomed but that still doesn’t remove the fundamental question of why does your daughter have daddy issues? I would analyze what type of relationship you have had with your daughter.

Emily_Postal said:

I think YTA because she will probably need help from her family and if you’re not there for her now, she may not come to you when she needs help.

Awesomekidsmom said:

YTA. Look the reality is she’s going to marry him either way. If you don’t go you lose your daughter for life. Seriously she won’t forgive you. Think on that. Never see or speak to her, grandkids etc again - that’s the reality of your decision.

Ok you don’t like it. Tough, it’s not your life & you not going doesn’t change anything except kill her dream wedding & her relationship with you. Not a hill to die on because if it ends she won’t turn to you & say you were right dad, she won’t turn to you at all.

The opinions were fairly divided for this one, but most people weren't on OP's side. What's your advice for this family wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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