Bridesmaid bails after roommate bride demands she abandon her BF at car crash scene to make the wedding. AITA?
"AITA for not attending my friend’s wedding last minute?"
My roommate (23F) got pregnant in February, and her wedding was this month. Since she became pregnant, she has been terrible to me (22F). She broke her agreement to pay rent until September, claiming her fiancé (40M) wanted her to quit her job and move in with him.
I asked if she could request her well-off fiancé to cover her half of the rent for a few months since I am a student juggling two part-time jobs to make ends meet. She refused.
Now, I’m in a financial bind and still expected to contribute to a bridal shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, and bridesmaid dress. There were numerous instances of her disrespecting me over the past few months, from breaking our rent agreement to yelling at me for not spending three hours getting ready for her bachelorette party (I was ready in 30 minutes, and she saw that as me “not caring”).
For a bridesmaid, I was also very poorly informed about the wedding. I didn’t know the ceremony and reception were about three hours apart until two weeks before, and the wedding was already a two-hour drive for me.
I have no one to watch my dog (he’s very reactive, so a sitter is out, and I have no family to watch him). Once I found out, I immediately notified the bride that I could only attend the ceremony and received an earful for it.
I was also not informed about a rehearsal dinner or hotel until about a week before the wedding. I only found out when it was mentioned in passing, and I asked what she was talking about.
I never received my wedding invitation in the mail. I had already committed to being a bridesmaid, so I didn’t want to cancel on her. She is also pregnant, so I thought it might just be hormones.
On the day of her wedding, I received a long text message about not calling her all week to congratulate her. I was dealing with finals and work and had already congratulated her numerous times in the past few months, so I was very confused.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I were on our way when we got into a four-car accident. It was raining, and the roads were super slippery. I immediately informed the bride and explained that I might not make it in time.
I was told to leave my boyfriend to deal with the crash and Uber. I was not asked if I was okay, if the car was okay, nothing. We were also stranded on a highway, and I couldn’t Uber.
Besides that, I would never leave my boyfriend to deal with an accident. We were both already very upset about the crash and the damage done to the car. Why on earth would I leave him?
After this insane level of disrespect, I decided I no longer needed to go to this wedding. I simply apologized to the bride and told her I couldn’t make it. I was met with a text asking me to never speak to her again. She also never paid me rent for the last month she agreed to pay for. This has been boggling my mind because I can’t tell if I am wrong or right here.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. what’s wrong with her? If she was truly your friend she would be concerned about you after the crash and wouldn’t treat you like garbage for months leading up to her wedding.
I know financially you’re not in the best position but if she broke the lease agreement or anything you should take her to court or report her to the landlord or something. Maybe you could get her to pay the rent if you threaten her with legal action. Cut contact with her after that and say good riddance.
NTA but honestly, the moment you said she left you in the lurch with rent it was enough to consider ditching the whole friendship. The least she should have done was help find a replacement for her room. Everything else just solidified how much she sucks as a friend.
If anything, Y T A for not breaking things off with this “friend” when she left you to pay her rent with no warning. NTA for not going to a wedding after being in a car accident on the way there…
Honestly, imagine if that accident had been worse. You’re out there on the highway (or hospital) boyfriend shaken, dog alone at home, and instead of concern, you’re told to abandon your partner and Uber to someone else’s party? That’s not just selfish.. it’s ‼️ dangerous!!
Please don’t let guilt or “keeping the peace” keep you in a pattern where you’re the only one being considerate. You deserve respect, safety, and reciprocity, and this person has shown she’s not willing to give you any of those.
NTA you did the right thing by staying at the accident scene and frankly as soon as she started with her shenanigans( she's not paying rent etc) you should have stepped down from her wedding OP.
NTA. She sounds really young and selfish, certainly not ready for marriage and children. You made the right call. I would have ditched her the night she was mad that you didn't spend 3 hours on getting ready, but I understand you are also young and thought it was hormones talking.
Is she on the lease? Are you each responsible for 50% of the rent or are you both responsible for the entire rent? If I were you, I would start looking for a new roommate today, so that you can at least have some financial peace of mind.
Good riddance and her shunning you is a gift not a punishment. Be sure to block her and make it permanent. You never should have agreed to be in her wedding after she dumped you with the rent though. This is what you get for being a pushover. I bet you never will again though!