'AITA for not attending my mom's marriage ceremony when everyone else did?'

"AITA for not attending my mom's marriage ceremony when everyone else did?"

My mom and dad were one of the most harmonious couples I’ve ever seen. They were inseparable—always together, even on my dad’s business trips. However, six months ago, my dad tragically passed away from a sudden heart condition. It was the saddest day of our lives. My mom didn’t eat for a week and cried so much that she fainted several times during the funeral.

Now, imagine my shock when, just two months ago, out of nowhere, she brought home a man and introduced him as her fiancé. She said they were getting married this month. I couldn’t believe it. I started giving her the cold shoulder—answering curtly when she spoke to me and barely acknowledging her new boyfriend/fiancé when he tried to talk to me.

When the wedding ceremony took place, I didn’t attend. In my family, I’m the only son, with one older sister and one younger sister. My mom is estranged from her siblings, and my grandparents are no longer alive. So by tradition, I was supposed to be the one to walk her down the aisle.

But instead, I am nowhere to be seen. I just couldn’t wrap my head around how quickly she moved on. It had only been four months since my dad passed, and she already had a new fiancé. I couldn’t help but wonder how long they had been seeing each other. Was she cheating while my dad was still alive?

Because I didn’t attend, my mom had to walk down the aisle by herself. Afterward, my sisters were furious and called me an ahole for not being there. But honestly, was I really in the wrong? How could everyone else be okay with this when my dad’s death wasn’t even that long ago?

To this day, I still haven’t spoken to my mom. Neither of us has reached out—not a single phone call or text. What do you think? Am I the ahole here? Immature? Or do you have advice on how I should’ve handled things differently?

Later OP added these edits:

I by no mean am trying to control my mother life, I dont know why some people come to that conclusion. I merely tried to stay away from any activity that include both of them in the same room. I dont know how that came across as controlling.

All of my assumptions and my feeling of betrayal feel valid since that is how I feel at that moment but never once did like thrust them to my family. Even when she introduced her 'then fiance now husband' for the first time, I merely asked (albeit in some sort of anger) how did he appear out of nowhere and why I have no idea who he is before. Never once do I ever tell her that they should break up.

I just dont approve of their relationship by making it clear that I wont talk to them if they are trying to shove their relationship down my throat in front of me. Thus my curt response and brief talk with either of them or when the guy tried to get close to me.

As for my absent in the wedding, I never once have ever said I will attend. I also made clear my disapproval of it by never attending any of the fitting or other smthstick. From this alone I think I have been very obvious on my attendance status that I dont think I need to like send letter or text.

Not my fault they were expecting me, hec I wasnt even aware they were waiting for me because of the tradition, I just though well without me, there is one empty seat there. I even initially though that some of her friend or distant relatives she invited would do the honor. I was made aware the next day when my sister cussed me out for my lack of attendance.

I am aware I am immature and childish, some even called me an asshole for not attending despite whatever reason I have, despite my griefs, I am egoist or similar as you have said, but that is precisely why I have resolved to talk things through just not right away.

I am upset, I feel like I need time before I can engage in that conversation with my mother calmly without hurting anyone feelings. Time is all I need which I have set a deadline on until she came back from her honeymoon.

As for the guy, I never googled him before nor do I want to get know about him more. But since people suggested I should do it to see if he is a scammer or not, I just did google search, found his facebook, linkedin, and instagram. From the evidence I would like to believe he is not a scammer.

Similar to my parents, he also is involved in f&b business however from his linkedin, I believe he doesnt own any but he has a high position. So I do believe he is not a scammer. Furthermore, the honeymoon were all paid by him. The wedding were 50:50 as my sisters told me.

I initially uncomfortable sharing this but since it seems to be important, my mom is 57, he is 46. My older sister is 38, I am 31, my younger sister is 29. Yes, I am 31 years old guy that is like a child but I feel like age is not the measurement for a person maturity and I suppose I am not mature enough yet. So I still have some growing up to do.

Last thing to address, yes I did tried my best to be there for my mom and my sisters during the 4 month prior to the introductions. My workplace only gave me 1 month of bereavement leaves. All those 1 month I spend living with them. They were not functioning at all during those first month, I literally the one that cooked, do the laundry, and all of the other household chores.

I made sure all of them get the attention they deserves. Then when the month is up, I am back at my own place so I can be closer to work. But even then, I occasionally still visit after my work hour, check on them, and goes back to my apartment past midnight.

Knowing that people think I didnt do enough for everyone hurts even if its from stranger. I know I shouldnt be petty, they are my family, these are given thing that I should have done, but havent I sacrificed enough?

Anyway, sorry for my rambling edits. I think I got out of hand a little bit. Thank you to everyone else that shared their positivism. Some even dm-ed me to offer their condolences. I really appreciate it.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

UnhappyCryptographer said:

NTA she might have been cheating but this could very well also be a response to being with someone 24/7 and suddenly none. It could be her coping with the sudden loss and being alone. She might have had a codependency with your dad (and vice versa) and this is to fill this void.

As long as you don't have proof that she was cheating I would really keep my suggestion in mind. Grief can make you do very strange things that don't make sense to anyone but the one who's grieving.

ImpossibleFuture7339 said:

NTA. I think you're right to be concerned and hurt. However, I'm less concerned about your mom having been cheating on your dad, than the idea that she might have been hoodwinked by some kind of a con artist.

There are people who prey on grieving widows for the insurance money/inheritance, and leave the victim high and dry. If you can investigate this, do it as quickly as possible while it's still possible to save your mom's money and potentially get the marriage annulled.

Neko_AtsumeFan said:

NTA honestly I would do the same. I mean if my father passed away i would never get over it. But You should have seen that she's maybe lonely and that man maybe makes her Happy wich is what she needs. Maybe she just wanted for you and your siblings to have a father again. But I agree with you. She shouldn't have done it so soon...

Green-Dragon-14 said:

My ex husband got remarried & his new (ex) wife's dad died in a motorbike accident. Like you they were inseparable & was "supposed" to be still madly in love. 6 months after he died she remarried.

My take on this as a total outsider was, she had never had a life being without someone and she needed a man to be there for her. Some people just cannot be alone. This may be a reason why she's married again so soon. NTA.

JeannieNaBottle11 said:

NTA. I wouldn't have gone either. She may have been having an affair with this man prior to your dad's death because this sure is fast. Plus 4 months after he died now she's engaged? Wtf?

CelticMage15 said:

NTA. You are grieving and your mom’s actions seemed to be rushed at the least. You have the right to not support your mom’s actions because of your grief.