'AITA for not being able to commit to a cruise my parents booked?'

"AITA for not being able to commit to a cruise my parents booked?"

Two years ago my parents booked a cruise for me as a birthday/graduation present. This is when I was still in medical school. I had told them at the time I didn’t know if I’d get leave but they assured I would and booked it. I’ve now started working as a junior doctor in the NHS and I don’t have a rota for my next rotation yet, which is when the cruise is booked for.

I would need over two weeks off for this holiday. My parents have been continually asking me to get the days off and I’ve explained one the rota does not exist yet and two I’m worried I won’t get the time off as I get 9 days annual leave per job ( every four months). When I had told them this my dad said I was bullsh**ting them and the real reason is because I didn’t want to go.

I ended up emailing the rota person and explained the situation. I was told they can try to accommodate but can’t guarantee anything. I told my parents this again and my dad told me he just thinks I don’t want to go and I’ve known about the cruise for two years so I should have sorted it. He says I have too much going on in my life like “that girl” and my work.

For context, that girl is my girlfriend and my parents don’t support my orientation or relationship. They’ve both expressed extreme disappointment in this, threatened not to be in my life anymore. My mother has told me it made her feel suicidal and I need to help her with it. My mum asked to explain how annual leave works and seemed skeptical.

They’re now saying they’re cancelling the full trip and have lost money from it, including the deposit. I told them they should go themselves and I’d want them to. They have told me no and why would they want to do that. Now I feel terrible. It was never my intention to waste their money or plans or time but I genuinely can’t control my schedule.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

jthro wrote:

NTA. It seems pretty common knowledge to me that young doctors don't have a lot of control over their schedules. You were upfront from the start that you didn't know if you'd get the time off or not.

And then you tried to get the time off. You tried, it didn't work, and your dad's response is to accuse you of lying? And the fact that they'd rather lose all that money just so that they can guilt trip you, instead of going on the trip themselves? That seems very manipulative.

Let me ask you something. You say they're not supportive of your relationship or your s***ality. Those are pretty big things to be unsupportive about. Are they supportive of other things in your life? Your work, your interests, your feelings? In conversations with them, do you feel like they listen to you, or are they always insistent on what they want/my way or the highway?

OP responded:

My work I think they are. My girlfriend/relationship no. When they first found out they told me how disappointed they were , threatened to not be in my life anymore and my mother told me I made her scary depressed because of the whole thing.

I often feel like they don’t consider my feelings or even take me seriously, so this to me is no different than usual. It’s often their way or the highway and sadly I just go along with it as it’s often easier.

BigBackeron wrote:

"When I had told them this my dad said I was bullshitting them and the real reason is because I didn’t want to go."

How would he know that?

"I told my parents this again and my dad told me he just thinks I don’t want to go."

Again, how would he know that?

"My parents don’t support my s**uality or relationship."

The homophobic cherry on top of the AH ice cream. NTA. Your parents aren't understanding of your job (your mom was "skeptical" and your dad just accused you of lying) and they are homophobic. Even if I were in your situation and had a free schedule, I wouldn't have wanted to go on a cruise with homophobes.

wesmorgan1 wrote:

As you describe it, you were up front and honest from the beginning. They didn't want to believe you, and now they're suffering the consequences of their actions. They're trying to blame you (and your girlfriend, and your work...), but this is not your problem in any way. NTA.

purple_shallot3731 wrote:

I'm kind of obsessed with how people over a certain age just seem to forget how anything works. Are you parents retired?

These are, of course, the same people that would guilt you for taking "too much" time off or act like you're somehow irresponsible for going on vacation.

"He says I have too much going on in my life like “that girl” and my work."

LOL like this! Wow, you mean working-age people have jobs and relationships and obligations?

NTA. Their entire "plan" was incredibly ill-conceived.

RoyallyOakie wrote:

NTA. Most reasonable people would not book a trip for someone two years ahead of time. It's madness if the person is in medical school. They wasted their money and it's their fault.

Linkcott18 wrote:

NTA.

You feel terrible because your parents bought you a guilt trip.

Rayonjersey wrote:

NTA. To be fair, I can see why your dad would think you don’t want to go with them. After all, they don’t seem like fun, nice, encouraging people. And if I was your dad I’d be shocked if my daughter chose to give up her 9 days vacation to spend with someone unsupportive and maybe homophobic. Embrace life with less contact with your parents.

whateverforeverfjsks wrote:

There's no reason they needed to book a cruise two years in advance. How bizarre. I think when your dad says he thinks you could have sorted it out before now is projection. They are the ones that should have sorted it out. They obviously did not need to book the cruise that far in advance, you're in medical school and in a residency.

In my opinion, they did this deliberately to sabotage you to have the outcome they have desired - being mad at you for not being able to attend a cruise they planned two years in advance while you are in medical school.

You even warned them you would likely not be able to attend. Objectively speaking. If your friend told you this story, what would you say to them? NTA. Your parents are being extremely manipulative and gaslighting you.