'AITA for not being excited for my SIL's pregnancy announcement?'
"AITA for not being excited for my SIL pregnancy announcement?"
Last week, my family had a joint birthday celebration for me (33F) and my brother-in-law (25M). This is typical for all family birthdays. It was hosted at my house, where my in-laws have been living with my husband and me for the past 2.5 years while they look for a home.
Five minutes after everyone arrived, my MIL said, “Okay, let’s eat,” so I went into the kitchen to make my plate. At the same time, my sister stepped into the laundry room to sign a birthday card. While I was still in the kitchen, I heard my SIL say, “Mom and Dad need to open this together.” I didn’t know what she was referring to, so I stayed in the kitchen.
Then I heard my MIL say, “Oh my God, is this real?” My sister came back and asked what was going on, and I said I thought my SIL had just announced she’s pregnant. Because we weren’t in the room when it happened my sister and I stayed in the kitchen for a moment. My MIL then came into the kitchen and showed me the box.
I said something along the lines of, “Yeah, I heard.” I then went into the living room and asked my BIL a few polite questions about their plans, (SIL was in the kitchen getting lunch) and the celebration continued. About an hour and a half later, my SIL suddenly started crying and said she wanted to leave. I overheard my MIL say, “That’s just how some people are.”
After they left, my MIL came back in and I asked what had happened. She told me my SIL was upset because she felt no one seemed excited about the pregnancy. I explained that I wasn’t in the room when it was announced, that the announcement was framed as a gift for my MIL and FIL, and that this was supposed to be a birthday celebration.
I mentioned that announcing a pregnancy at someone else’s birthday was common etiquette to not do. MIL said it was also BIL birthday celebration so it was fine. MIL said there wasn’t anything selfish about it and I should have been more excited. BIL (21M) agreed with her and asked what else they were supposed to do.
I said they could have chosen any other day to announce. Christmas Eve was three days away. My MIL responded that my SIL couldn’t wait because there was deli meat being served at the party (SIL ended up eating some anyway after heating it up).
Since then, we haven’t spoken, and my in-laws decided to spend Christmas at my SIL’s house instead. Everyone I have told about the situation has agreed with me however I need some outside opinions due to these reactions from them. AITA?
Edited to add: it’s hardly about being overshadowed at a family birthday party although that is a valid reason. The reaction came from SIL making rude comments to MIL saying “you’re unemployed so you’re going to do my nursery right."
This is a typical comment from her. Other common comments are usually about MIL weight and appearance. Makes it hard to be happy for someone who consistently acts like this. And everyone condones this behavior and doesn’t chastise her for it.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Riterevdrevenant wrote:
NTA. Your MIL really wants to lecture you on how to behave towards someone trying to upstage you on your own birthday in your own house where she’s been staying as a guest for two and a half years?
Sounds to me like she’s overstaying her welcome.
Soft-Key-2645 wrote:
NAH: (if there’s a shorthand for everyone’s an AH then it’s that one.) SIL knew why she gave the box to the in-laws while you weren’t present. She probably knew it would upset you but she did it anyway. That is kind of an AH move, and then being upset nobody cared enough to make her the center of attention…she seems like an inconsiderate person that likes to put others down.
And you, as others have said, weren’t celebrating a milestone birthday, you’re an adult and you could have sucked it up instead of reacting passive aggressively.
I get that it’s your day, I get that with your birthday being this close to Christmas it probably wasn’t celebrated as much as other people in your family who were born on other dates, then it falls close to your BIL’s birthday and you celebrate together…it can feel like you’re taking the backseat…
And your MIL (and other in-laws) are the AHs because they piled on on you and also pulled the passive aggressive move of changing plans for Christmas and going to their house instead of sticking to the plans of celebrating with you and your SO. And MIL is also a doormat for taking the mistreatment your SIL dishes out to her. Invite them to move out and give them a timeline to do so.
HowlPen wrote:
It was your 33rd birthday, not a milestone, and you were sharing the celebration with your BIL. Sounds like a very casual family get-together. It was his announcement just as much as his wife's, so I do think you veered into AH territory for being a bit uppity with the whole "announcing a pregnancy at someone else's birthday was common etiquette not to do."
That said, 2.5 years to find a house?? Why is it taking them so long? If they are getting on your nerves and this was a symptom of that, NTA.
lllollllllll wrote:
NTA. If “No one” seemed excited about the pregnancy, why is everyone piling on you saying it was your fault? SIL didn’t even bother to tell YOU, you had to hear from other guests while she wasn’t even in the room. So if “no one” else was excited, why not your fault?
In any case, it’s very weird to CRY AND STORM OUT because people aren’t excited enough about your life event. Like what exactly are you supposed to do? Not talk about anything else at all?
Should you be storming out because SIL chose to talk about her pregnancy on YOUR birthday party instead of spending the entire time talking about you? Like I don’t think it’s that rude to announce these things at a family get together, but it IS rude to expect the world to revolve around you.
yahjahbahrah wrote:
YTA. Saying “yeah I heard” comes off as really rude. I would’ve been hurt too if I was really excited to announce something and someone responded like you did. As soon as you clocked what was happening you could’ve gone up to her and happily said congratulations while giving her a hug, but it seems like you didn’t really care and ignored her.
Also I can understand her announcing it there because it was a time that all her family was in one place Your birthdays not that important that she can’t announce her pregnancy and why wait threedays and do it at Xmas Eve. It’s giving you think your birthday is more important than Xmas eve… just saying. Just take the L and apologise and admit you were wrong.
SuspiciousCod1090 wrote:
ESH. "I heard" is kind of a crappy response. Her getting upset because 'everyone' didn't react how she wanted them to is childish. Your in-laws in your house for 2.5 years, and your husband not telling them enough is enough...yeah ESH.