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'AITA for not being grateful for my birthday surprise?' 'They left me stranded and humiliated.'

'AITA for not being grateful for my birthday surprise?' 'They left me stranded and humiliated.'


"AITA for not being grateful for my birthday surprise?"

I have been crying for hours yesterday and today, receiving texts on how I am ungrateful. This sh%t just doesn't make sense to me. I am trying to see the good intentions, but call me blind because I don't see any.

I have never had a birthday party or dinner, and it is something that I have always wanted, but I don't know why I always thought it was unattainable in my adult life. I was talking to my friend and telling her how my family never celebrates birthdays because my dad is really religious and how I always feel lonely on my birthday.

She asked me why I didn't celebrate my birthday now that I was an adult, and I thought, Yeah, why don't I celebrate myself now that I am grown? I planned myself a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant and told everyone that as long as they kept their order under $35, I would pay for it.

So I made sure to work overtime for 3 months in advance because I heard there is always a fight about the bill, so I didn't want that to be a reason for conflict on my birthday.

I invited 12 people that said they would come (family and friends, which include my mom now that my dad is dead; she is no longer super religious for some reason).

Yesterday I had my nails, makeup, and hair done professionally. I just wanted to look really nice, and I have actually only been to formal events like three times in my life, so I was happy to be able to dress up nicely for once.

I got to my dinner, sat at my table, and waited 2 hours, and I kept getting calls from people, telling me they were running late to not being able to come anymore.

And after 2 hours,, everyone finally told me they were not coming.. They didn't tell me before the dinner; they were all telling me at the time of reservation or later. The waiter felt so bad because I was crying while I was on the phone with someone I considered to be my friend, telling me she wasn't coming for me and that even though I didn't order a meal, he gave me a free birthday slice.

I didn't even get any pictures in my outfit because I thought someone would help take them for me at the restaurant, and by the time I left the restaurant, my makeup was ruined.

My mom called me on my way home and asked me to stop at her house because she had a present for me. She says she is sorry she didn't come, but she was feeling extremely unwell, and she wanted to have a present at least. I go to her house, and I open the door to a surprise, and people see that my face was messed up because I had been crying...

So someone says, "Aww, she thought we forgot her," and I look at the 12 people that were invited to my dinner and am just disappointed that they traded what I wanted for my birthday for this.

They left me stranded and humiliated at a restaurant for hours. I left the surprise party after 5 minutes and just told my mom to keep her present to herself. I am sorry, but AITA, for not seeing a good intention here, Am I overreacting?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Faustus_Fan said:

NTA - You planned what you wanted for your birthday. Your friends and family completely disregarded that, lied to you, and left you feeling ignored and unwanted on your birthday. They may have had the best of intentions, but that paves the road to hell.

In the end, it is not intentions that matter, but results. Had they done this any other day, things would have worked out well. Instead, they left you alone and feeling unwanted. In no way, shape, or form are you to blame here.

jrm1102 said:

NTA - that’s an awful surprise. Tear you down and make you feel awful first? I mean really, who does that?!

extinct_diplodocus said:

NTA. Too little too late. You should't be forced on a trip through hell in order to "deserve" a celebration. Sorry they refused to celebrate you except on their terms.

melafar said:

NTA. They stood you up at dinner, embarrassed you at the restaurant, made you feel like sh$t just to surprise you? Really lame.

caramiadare said:

NTA. This surprise party was a bad idea from the start but the ONLY reason I could think to let it go is if you told absolutely none of them this dinner was important to you and really, really played it down.

And then they also surprised you BEFORE the reservation time. (Seriously, why didn't mom alone call ans be like, hun I'm sorry I'm so sick but I really want to give you your gift, can you stop by 30 mins before dinner?) Why was part of the fun for all these people in HURTING you.

serinaluna said:

NTA. My ex husband did this to me one year on my birthday. I've always felt unloved on my birthday because I also never had birthday parties and when I tried to do one, no one would show.

One year I decided to plan one myself. We were going to a Japanese restaurant I wanted to try. My husband had all my friends and family cancel the day of and I spent all day crying and feeling unloved.

I still went to the dinner with my ex, we ate alone and came home to a surprise party. It was the cruelest thing anyone had done: making me feel alone and hated just to walk into an event I wanted nothing to do with.

ahopskip_andajump said:

NTA. In what universe did 12 people think it would be a good idea to stand up the birthday girl, on her birthday, and then expect her to be happy because the same 12 people decided to be part of a surprise party over two hours after the initial reservation? That is cruel!

On the bright side, now you know who you can't trust and can get on with your life and find some real friends and family. I'm sorry you were surrounded by such horrible people.

Sources: Reddit
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