'AITA for not being happy about my friend's relationship and not wanting to talk with her about their upcoming marriage?'
"AITA for not being happy about my friend's relationship and not wanting to talk with her about their upcoming marriage?"
My close friend (29F) has a terrible history of dating men that were not good for her, ranging from terrible ex to liars. I've been there for her through all of them, especially with the worst one.
I tried my best to talk her about of every bad relationship she was in. But it gets tiring seeing her making the same mistakes over and over again. Her latest guy is a classic case of love bombing.
After the 2nd date, he got her a brand new iPhone, which she accepted. Gave her keys to his apartment, among an endless list of things that make people their eyebrows.
He's also previously married but still keeps in touch with his ex-wife. At first I tried to be excited for her, until I realized that despite how much he does for her, he's a walking red flags with all the love-bombing signs.
She thinks he's the best thing to ever grace this Earth. They got intimate really quickly. I told her straight up I can't pretend to be excited and happy for her anymore because I really don't support the relationship, which she understood.
But now shortly after 6 months, they're talking about getting married and having kids. I'm also a first time mom, my baby is literally due in a week, so I'm already drained mentally, physically, and emotionally.
She's been wanting to talk to me about him, dropping hints like "where do you buy wedding bands?" Like, hello, where else? Jewelry store! Texting me stuff like "having a good looking BF is great and all, until he attracts female attention...but my man doesn't notice these things."
She'll occasionally ask me about my pregnancy and wanting to stop by, but to be honest, it just seems like small talk so she can talk about this guy...not that she truly cares.
I feel bad about being so pessimistic towards her and not wanting to talk to her because she's a sweet person, and a kind friend. She's extremely giving, and I can't thank her enough.
It's just I'm so tired of her bad decisions when it comes to guys, and I know marriage/kids is all she ever wanted, but I can't bring myself to be happy for her with this guy.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. 100% use your pregnancy to give yourself peace lol you are well within your boundary to say "hey I love you and all but I'm really going through it with baby and probably will be for a while. I don't have the emotional energy or strength to take on your excitement about a guy you've know for 6 months."
And if she gets upset blame hormones and say that its gonna be like this for a while and she can either respect your boundaries or take a break from the friendship. With friends like these as much as we love them, they are an emotional drain.
It feels kind of weird that you are judging her boyfriend without really getting to know him. Maybe they are just a good match and things feel like they are moving quickly because they are both so in sync.
You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink as they say. You do have to decide when enough is enough, saving them from drowning only for them to jump back in is a them problem not yours. Good luck with baby!
Ok-Locksmith-2495 (OP)
thank you so much for your response!!