'AITA for not being more discreet at the store for my son?' UPDATED

"AITA for not being more discreet at the store for my son?"

My son 9m is upset with me right now for an incident that happened yesterday at the store. Yesterday we were at the store to stock up on groceries, it was me 37f, my son 9m and daughter 7f.

My son still wets the bed and wears Goodnites (big kid pull ups for bedwetting) for it and we went and got those first like we always do so we can hide them underneath other stuff. It went pretty good for most of the trip but there was an issue when we got to checkout.

I was unloading the last of the groceries when I heard him say in a kinda worried voice "no mom please stop," but I had already put his Goodnites on the belt. I asked him what was wrong, he pointed out that his friend was at the store with her parents and might see us and he didn't want her to see his Goodnites.

I said it would be okay and put the last of the other groceries around his Goodnites so nobody would see them. We got our stuff rang up and left with no problems, but my son didn't say a word to me on the car ride home.

Later I asked him what was making him so upset, he said he didn't want his friend to see his Goodnites and that's why he wanted me to stop unloading the groceries and said I was being a jerk for not stopping and his friend almost seeing them.

I explained to him that I never meant to make him feel bad I just needed to get the groceries unloaded so they could be rung up. But this didn't help and he said I was being a jerk and didn't talk to me much for the rest of the evening and was very quiet at Breakfast today. I asked him if he was still upset and he said yes he was cuz I was a jerk.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

nikki57 wrote:

YTA Even small humans deserve to have a say over things that embarrass them. I would really try to order these online going forward. You know your son is uncomfortable to the point that you hide them in your groceries, just remove the discomfort and order them online.

Kids can be mean and they absolutely will use something like peeing the bed at that age to mock your child. He's right to want to protect his privacy and peace. As grown ups we're allowed to be embarrassed by things we buy and have the ability to buy them discretely. Give your son that same option. ETA a judgement since I forgot one and ended up the top comment! YTA, but this is fixable.

Unusual-Cloud-5048 wrote:

Not to your question, but i'd like to share. My son never got out of night time diapers. He started kindergarden with his twin and I was concerned he may be embarrassed. A family member shared that when her kids were young she had the same issue and bought a "wet alarm."

It's a device worn on the wrist, with a wire running down to a clip that's clips on the underwear in front of the privates. If the contact is made between the clips (by getting wet) the wrist alarm beeps. The child wake and goes to the bathroom.

My son was cured in 3 days, and he's almost 40 now. I would highly recommend. They're probably higher tech now. I don't know what your son's issue is, or if this would be helpful. My son just slept too soundly to wake up.

pottersquash wrote:

NAH. I would also explain to him how, in that moment, leaving them in cart or further drawing attention would make it more likely his friend sees. When being discreet normality wins over subterfuge. This is a great lesson for a 9-year-old. This was a moment where his fixation would've revealed more than if he just played with his sister and not worried bout it. Folks would think they are for the 7 yr old.

leaveitintherearview wrote:

I mean. You decide if you were the asshole but consider this. If the kids at school got ahold of this information you would essentially end his life. He would mercilessly be bullied for all of his formative years in all likelihood. You took that chance. Your kid understood the stakes. It clearly haunts him. And you decided to play a little Russian roulette with your kids reputation.

brown_sedai wrote:

NAH- no, you weren’t technically being a jerk, but he’s a nine-year-old boy with an embarrassing medical problem (I assume he’s seeing a doctor about this?)- he didn’t need you to be practical in that conversation, he’s lashing out because because he’s feeling self conscious & wanted you to reassure him.

Realistic_Bit6965 wrote:

The reason this was fine to me is that they were already at check out unloading everything. There is no reasonable way to get rid of them at that point without bringing MORE attention to them. Mom actually did the most discreet thing possible at that point. But now that it's become an issue I absolutely agree. Just make that one an online purchase.

After receiving lots of feedback, OP jumped on with a small update.

Update: I just talked to my son and apologized to him for making him feel like I didn't care about his feelings and being a jerk at the store, I told him I never meant to make him feel bad and I was sorry I did.

I promised him we will be buying his Goodnites using curbside pickup from now on ( we do most of our shopping at Fred Meyers and they offer free delivery for orders 35$ and up so making his Goodnites part of a bigger delivery will work fine for us and not hurt our Budget ), he was quite glad to hear this which makes me wish I had done it sooner.

He accepted my apology and we cuddled for a few minutes and now we're about to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie that he picks out.

Thanks everyone for your help!