'AITA for not being as present in my friendship after getting into a relationship?' 'I rearranged my LIFE.'
"AITA for not being as present in my friendship after getting into a relationship, even though I rearranged my life to make time for her?"
I (26F) have been close with my friend let’s call her Taylor (27F) for years. We were each other’s people for a long time. Over the years, she’s had times where she’d cancel last minute, pull away during relationships, or go quiet when life got hectic. I never took it personally and always gave her grace.
A couple of years ago, I went through one of the darkest times in my life. I tried to take my life. I later found out through a mutual friend that Taylor had said she didn’t feel “comfortable” with me being around her son and called me selfish. That hurt deeply, but I didn’t bring it up. I let it go and focused on healing.
This past year, I got into a stable, healthy relationship for the first time in a long time. I also work two jobs full-time M–F and part-time 3 nights a week. I used to work 4 nights but cut it down just so I could keep Thursdays free for Taylor our one day to hang out. Even then, I’d have to wait until after 7PM when she’d drop off her son, and we’d be rushing since she liked to be home by 8:30–9.
When she started seeing a guy for a few weeks, she became less available on Thursdays, too. I didn’t complain. I understood. But I started noticing that she only ever reached out when she didn’t have her son. Or during work Monday-Friday.
A couple of weeks ago, she texted saying she felt like she was only my friend “when I’m alone” and that she deserved more. I responded kindly and told her I understood how she felt, but I wasn’t trying to be distant. I reminded her I’ve always made space for her, even when my life got hard, and that I never held it against her when she had to pull away.
I explained that I’m doing my best to balance everything and I still care about our friendship. She didn’t respond. This week, we had plans to go to a concert something we’d bought tickets for months ago.
A few days before, she said she couldn’t go because her son’s dad canceled and she didn’t have childcare. I told her I understood. But the night of the concert, she posted on her Instagram story at the concert.
I felt hurt. I didn’t say anything. I’d already sent a long, vulnerable message that she never replied to. Now we haven’t spoken in days, and I’m sitting with this heavy feeling like I got discarded.
So AITA for not being as present as I used to be, even though I made sacrifices to keep our friendship going? Did I actually do something wrong? Or was this going to fall apart no matter what?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
oliviamrow said:
NTA, but this feels too one-sided to be a meaningful "friendship." Don't treat someone as a priority if they only treat you as an option.
CommanderCosgrove said:
NTA. You've grown apart. It's hard to tell someone you just don't want to be friends anymore, so people tend to blame the other person for something to justify moving on. Having her cancel on you, only to end up at the concert tells you all you need to know. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or you've done something wrong. She just doesn't want to be around you.
srgonzo75 said:
NTA. Your friend treats you as a convenience, from what I’ve read. You made a whole day her exclusive province, and that wasn’t enough? Did she ever tell you she might need to cancel on a Thursday, but she’d love to have dinner with you and your partner another night?
srgonzo75 said:
NTA. Your friend treats you as a convenience, from what I’ve read. You made a whole day her exclusive province, and that wasn’t enough? Did she ever tell you she might need to cancel on a Thursday, but she’d love to have dinner with you and your partner another night?
SunshineShoulders87 said:
NTA, listen, it sucks to see old friendships die, but not all friends are worth keeping around. This particular “friend” has been showing her true self little by little and this latest thing smashed any chance of continued friendship to bits. Take the hint and drop the rope already.
GloryIV said:
NTA. You're a much better friend to Taylor than she is to you. Time to recognize that and let that friendship go. You would be the AH to yourself if you kept making the investment of emotional energy here when you're not just not getting it back from her, but she's also actively attacking you for her own defects.