'AITA for not bringing up my dead brother and humiliating an acquaintance?' UPDATED
"AITA for not bringing up my dead brother and humiliating an acquaintance?"
First time poster, go easy on me for the format. I (17m) used to be super close to my twin brother, we grew up together and the thing we both loved was Marvel. The comics, the movies, we were complete nerds.
We went to watch Avengers Endgame on opening night. Well, he passed away in our shared bedroom with WandaVision playing on our TV, and that not only traumatized me, as I was the one who found him, but it permanently ruined anything superhero related for me. For clarification, I have been to therapy since it happened.
Well, my friend group met up at Golden Corral and they were really planning a watch party for when the last episode of She Hulk streamed, and I said I wasn’t gonna make it. Everyone understood, but a friend of a friend who I kind of know rolled his eyes and loudly said, “you never hang out with us when we watch Marvel stuff, that’s like our thing.
Why are you even in our nerd friend group of you don’t do the one thing that the rest of us do. Like, I know you have a bad experience with it, but man up, it couldn’t be that bad. What, someone dressed up as Thanos run over your puppy or something?”
The whole group went quiet, and I slumped down and said, “I just don’t feel like it”, and tried not to cry. I could tell everyone was cold towards the dude and he (19m) just laughed and said, “What? I just said what we were all thinking. OP needs to get over himself and be more sociable.”
I excused myself visibly bawling at this point, and I went home and just cried for a while. Well, I got a friend request from him this morning on Snapchat, and when I friended him, he instantly tore into me.
He started saying that he was being shunned by most of our friends who tore him a new one and told him how my brother died, and he’s upset with me that I didn’t tell him earlier and that I made him look like a jerk by being an oversensitive girl and crying in public.
He said he never would’ve brought it up if he’d have known, but I said I wasn’t close enough to to him to tell him something that personal, and he just told me to get over myself, and he’s left me on read since.
Honestly, I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about the circumstances surrounding my brothers death, and this is dredging up a lot of memories, and right now, I feel just like how I did when I discovered my brother in our bedroom almost 2 years ago. Scared, angry at myself for not being there, and alone.
On one hand, I don’t know this dude enough to tell him about that incident, but at the same time, I could’ve told him then and there when he started on his tirade and he would’ve apologized and we would be done with it. AITA for making him look like a jerk?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. That FOAF is completely out of line. And to chew on you for “[making] him look like a jerk”? Please. He did that all on his own. I’m so very sorry that you are having to experience this loss. I don’t know what else to say, other than to offer my sincere condolences.
NTA. OP, please screenshot his message and share it in a group chat to the others. Ask them how you should handle this. They should see how awful he is so no one has any regrets about kicking him out of the group. People who behave this way shouldn't have friends until they work through their issues.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Final Edit: the moment you have all been waiting for, I have news, and boy is it juicy. I took a screenshot of his message and other harassing messages, and threatened to send them to the other friend group if her didn’t get off my back and treat me like a human being.
He told me he saw my post and said that I “painted him in a bad light” and “made people hate him”, basically cussing me out for making him look worse than he already looked.
Well, I wasn’t really gonna send those screenshots to our group chat but that moron told on himself by complaining to our other friends that I posted this, expecting them all to be on his side for me “trying to ostracized him from his friends”, and they subsequently found this post, and when I say they all read the whole post, I freaking mean it.
They then started asking him if he really had the freaking audacity to send me a message saying that my dead twin brother is ashamed of me, and he denied it and said that I was trying to make him look bad, but as soon as he tried to lie, I sent the screenshot, no message, just the screenshot, to the group chat.
They were livid, and he said I photoshopped it and was lying about him, but every time he told another lie, I sent another screenshot from our chat, basically just him verbally demeaning me over the internet.
Let me say, by the end of it, he was trying to defend himself, and everyone was just leaving him on read. After a few minutes of his last text, our group kind of leader, Brandon, just sent him a message asking him to meet up at a restaurant. Brandon and I have the strongest connection, we are kind of dating but not officially, so he’s really protective over me.
Long story short, Brandon didn’t scream or yell, but in no uncertain terms did he say that if that guy ever came around me or Brandon, that included his house for the She-Hulkathon, he was gonna be in BIG trouble, and everyone seconded that, even they guy that introduced him to our friend group.
He pleaded and said he’d apologize, but everyone basically told him we’re done with his nonsense and to get lost. The She-Hulkathon was cancelled, and instead, we’re going to have an NCISathon, as it’s my favorite show and my friends said they wanted me included.
I truly have the best friend group, and that demeaning, insulting POS is facing the actions of his consequences. Y’all’s advice was top tier, thank you. Have a good night/day!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Genuinely massive respect to the friend group. They clocked the behavior immediately, backed OP without hesitation, and shut that guy down hard when the truth came out. Cancelling the She-Hulkathon to include OP is peak friend group behavior. Well the bully found out.
An NCISathon will take forever, or longer if they include the spinoffs. And OP would be justified if he's still angry at the AH when the NCISathon is complete.
You have to be a different kind of heartless to say the things this POS said. Poor OP.
People can get really dismissive and defensive in response to someone else's grief. When my dad passed away, I didn't expect the hardest part to be other people. I'm glad OOP's friends stood up for him.
Massive respect to that friend group. For some reason, people think that because your loved one took their life, that means they can say, do, and ask anything. Without any shame. A couple years after my dad died in the same way as OOP's brother, I started to do mental health advocacy. I became known in my town because of it.
One day at high school, this other girl who didn't like me because I was dating her crush, said, "You only think you're so good because your dad took his life, and you're only popular because people feel sorry for you." I didn't hit her then. But she did FAFO later... Thankfully, the majority of the seniors rallied around me like OOP's friend group.