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'AITA for not buying my friend a wedding gift?' 'We went to Vegas for her Bachelorette Party.'

'AITA for not buying my friend a wedding gift?' 'We went to Vegas for her Bachelorette Party.'

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"AITA for not buying my friend a wedding gift?"

My (30F) very close friend (31F) just got married two weekends ago and I was a bridesmaid. Needless to say, being in her bridal party was more expensive than I anticipated (I think more than she anticipated too).

We went to Vegas for her bachelorette party a couple months ago, her shower cost $300 per bridesmaid, not to mention the group shower gift between all the bridesmaids, wedding hair, makeup, shoes, dress and alternations.

The wedding was in another state so my husband and I had to drive in, book a hotel and pay my MIL for the weekend to watch our daughter and dogs. All in all I spent roughly $5,500 after it was all said and done. I thought after all the money I put toward being apart of her bridal party AND setting up her shower, setting up her wedding, and cleaning up the wedding venue, a wedding gift wasn’t necessary.

Apparently I was wrong. When she got back from her honeymoon she called me to say she just went through all of her wedding gifts and didn’t see one from me and asked if I left it at home. I told her I didn’t buy her anything and that after all I did physically and financially in the bridal party that I didn’t think a gift was a dealbreaker.

She told me it was $160 a head ($320 for me and my husband) and it’s “standard” to give a gift to cover the cost of your seat. I didn’t even know how to respond other than with sorry.

She said “it’s whatever” hung up and she hasn’t talked to me since. I tried texting her the next day to ask how the honeymoon was and she read it and didn’t respond. This is the first time I’ve been IN a wedding, I’ve only ever attended as a guest/+1. I really didn’t think a gift was necessary, but maybe I misjudged the situation. AITA?

Info for context: the bachelorette trip was not required but it was a huge guilt trip and I was worried of the friendship going south if I didn’t attend. I had the money so I opted to go.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TabbieAbbie said:

NTA. Just for the record, gifts for any occasion are not REQUIRED, they are GIFTS. Yes, if someone you know well is getting married, it's nice to send one, but it isn't required. Consult any etiquette book on the topic if you doubt me.

Your friend is acting like a totally entitled brat. If she is not normally like this, then you could maybe chalk it up to the stress of the occasion. Maybe her honeymoon didn't go well, who knows?

Perhaps a nice card with a small memento of your times together would have been nice, although I'm not sure she would have received it in the spirit in which it was given. She has put a price on your friendship by quoting the food for you and your husband.

In her book, apparently she expects a gift worth that much in return. IMO, you are right to question her priorities and sense of entitlement, especially since she doesn't seem to be speaking to you now. If this is her "real" face, maybe it's time to distance yourself from her. Sorry she's acting this way, you deserve better.

FuzzyMom2005 said:

NTA. That "She told me it was $160 a head ($320 for me and my husband) and it’s “standard” to give a gift to cover the cost of your seat. " is complete and utter BS. Even if it weren't, you spent $5500, far and beyond that cost. A guest does not pay to attend a party they are invited to.

Your friend is off base. You got guilted into spending far more than you were comfortable with. That's not something one friend does to another. Your friendship went south when the bride forgot how to be a friend.

GraphicDesign_101 said:

NTA for all the reasons already mentioned. Also every bridal party I’ve been a part of, the bride has paid for hair, makeup, shoes and jewellery for bridesmaids. I’ve only had to pay for the dress. So the fact she made you pay for absolutely everything is, I personally believe, poor etiquette on her part.

Cappa_Cail said:

NTA and if she’s going to quote manners to you, then calling someone to ask for a GIFT makes the top five. Telling you the cost of her reception was just crass and rude.

WillingnessUseful212 said:

Oh myyyyyyy. My entire wedding didn’t even cost $5500 and I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses, too. And we got them individualized thank you gifts, along with the groomsmen. I cannot imagine having the audacity to call people when I got home from my honeymoon specifically to ask them why they didn’t get me a gift.

ESPECIALLY a bridesmaid, and I’m sure your friend knew how much you spent to be a part of all the activities and the ceremony. This is incredibly tacky. I wonder if she called the other guests if the value of their gifts didn’t add up to the money she spent on them for the reception. Someone needs to have a talk with her about manners. She should know way better.

NTA. This is absurd. I would send her a long text or letter explaining everything and containing much of the advice you’ve received here, and let the chips fall where they may. You will be better off without a “friend” like this if your friendship ends.

Both-Ad1586 said:

NTA. Weddings are getting prohibitively expensive for the attendants. And many of the brides are behaving like spoiled little brats. What you probably should have done is to decline to be a bridesmaid and just attend as a guest and buy a gift. Except my guess is this bride would have cut you from the guest list in that case.

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