"AITA for not buying my sister a Christmas gift?"
This is a really long story. My younger sister and her husband are not nice people. They have different opinions and values compared to me. They’re unkind to gay people and believe in “traditional” families.
They hate that I’m divorced and that I want to remain unmarried. They have A LOT of opinions about how I should live my life. Also worth mentioning they’ve burnt many bridges and there is an active group in our hometown that exclusively hates them.
My sister and her husband have treated me awful, especially since my divorce, (which occurred because my ex left me and our then 8-month-old daughter). They belittle and insult me to my face. I put up with it for years to “keep the peace”. After my dad’s funeral two and half years ago, I called them out on some of their lies they were saying about a family friend, and they flipped out.
They started spreading rumors about me and calling me a bad mom for being bisexual and willingly unmarried. They stopped talking to me. I tried, for the sake of my mom, to fix things but my younger sister refused to talk to me for 16 months. She spoke to me last December because our mom was in the hospital and we needed to coordinate.
Her husband went right back to treating me like crap and I called him out for it. It took me three months of extra therapy at the beginning of the year to put the altercation behind me. Last February while I was traveling with my best friend, I called my mom and my sister picked up and was awful to me. My BF was pissed and yelled at her before hanging up the phone.
I made the decision then that I’m done and have no interest whatsoever in repairing this toxic relationship. My mom is disappointed but (mostly) understands my decision. I’ve avoided visiting my mom for a year because I didn’t want to see my sibling and her toxic husband. As soon as we arrived yesterday, toxic husband pulls up with the kids to drop them off.
I didn’t say a word to him and vice versa. Apparently he left a gift for me from my sister. I have no intention of opening it. I don’t want anything from them. My mom just asked if I bought anything for my sister and I said, no. Now my mom is mad at me because I’m being childish? AITA here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mnfanjk wrote:
You’re being childish because you didn’t buy a gift to the AH that you went NC with?
Apparently your sister came by her manners honestly. NTA. Though I do like the idea suggested for doing a donation gift for a charity she loathes and you love. Bring a silver lining to a nasty toxic situation.
Late_As_Sometimes wrote:
NTA. And stay away from these people. Also, why is your sister so concerned about your marital status? That's not the proper way to score points with God. She and her husband should go volunteer their nosy time with actual people who need help, they seem bored.
Status_Four44 wrote:
NTA. You don’t even speak, you should not have to get her anything. The fact she got you something just kinda seems as an olive branch but you shouldn’t feel bad.
WhitleyGilbertBanks wrote:
NTA at all! I would go no contact with them all since they are judging you and mistreating you for being divorced and not desperate enough to rush and get remarried. The way your sister’s husband treats you is also disrespectful and off-putting.
Annual_Version_6250 wrote:
NTA. When someone does something that requires therapy to deal with, they lose any and all right to be treated fairly or as anything...including non-existent.
There's NOTHING childish about protecting your mental health from something or someone that is toxic. That's strength. Adult strength.
FioreBorn wrote:
NTA. Sister and her husband suck. Maybe as her present donate to a LGBTQ+ charity or something? You don't owe her anything. You do not have to accept the gift and I'm sorry but your mum is somewhat responsible for allowing your sister and her husband to treat you like this.
IllustriousBowler259 wrote:
Your mother would like peace, and who wouldn't? But the price of fake peace is too high -- and it's you who would be paying. Also chances are good that the gift from your sister will be an insult of some kind anyway.
Go your own way. NTA.
Mundane-Mom-0115 wrote:
NTA IMO, gifts should come from a place of genuine love and not as an obligation. From the sound of it, you don't have any reason to gift your sister anything.
ugh_its_you_again wrote:
This is the situation where you make a donation to an organization in their honor. Particularly, an organization she doesn't support. Cutting people off means no present. NTA.