"AITA for not calling an ambulance for my mother?"
My (20f) mother (55f) is a narcissist. It’s become worse as I’ve gotten older, but basically, she has to make everything about herself always. She’s always twisting someone else’s problems to make it about her or lying about the dumbest shit to gain attention or screaming and fake crying when someone says she’s in the wrong. She’s a complete attention seeker, and I’m convinced she has a personally disorder.
Recently, she’s taken to faking medical issues or illness to get attention. She’s done this before like faking a gluten allergy despite still eating gluten with no problems, or pretending to have the most obviously fake panic attack when being called out for her bullshit. Now, it seems, that isn’t enough, and for the past few weeks, she’s been talking about being diagnosed with heart disease.
Today we had dinner and my brother (25m) told us that he wanted to marry his girlfriend (just said it casually, not like he actually proposed yet or anything). Mom doesn’t like brother’s girlfriend ever since they started dating (even though she’s only meet her a handful of times), and decided to get into a screaming-match about it with my brother.
He wasn’t having any of it, and just got up and walked out of the room. I went with him because, f me if I’m going to stay with her when she’s like that. Well, she then ‘fainted’, making pain-noises, while writhing on the ground. I think she was trying to imitate a seizure while conscious?
IDK but she looked like a fish flopping around crazily. My brother and I just stared at her, as it honestly looked like an adult throwing a tantrum. She told us she was having a heart attack and to call 911. When neither of us did, she screamed that we were selfish children letting her die. We didn’t end up leaving then, but we did stay to see what she’d do.
After neither of us really reacted for a few minutes, she got up, totally fine, but was pissed at us for not helping her and started screaming again about how we’re abusing her. Then brother and I left for real, and went to his girlfriend’s house. That’s where I am now. Apparently she posted on Facebook about how she survived her heart attack, while berating my brother and me for not caring about her and being emotionally abusive.
My aunt (not actually my aunt but mom’s best friend), messaged me and my brother about it and I told her what happened. She said I should have just called 911 anyway because it wasn’t my place to say and they could have determined if she was really fine or not, but I’m so sick of her lying BS and I’m not wasting 911’s time on this. So AITA because I didn’t call them?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Hibiscustea1776 wrote:
I am really sorry you have to deal with a mother who does sound like she is a narcissist by your description 😣! And your description of her reaction doesn’t suggest an actual seizure, fainting episode or a heart attack. You are NTA, but she clearly is and you saved EMS from having to deal with her BS 👍🏼
Au5000 wrote:
NTA. Ask auntie why it’s ok to waste the ambulance’s time and take it away from someone who was genuinely sick in order to pander to someone having a tantrum. Your mother needs qualified help to manage her own emotional dis-régulation.
Revolutionary_Low581 wrote:
If she has some coverage for the bill. They won't transport her to the hospital if she isn't having the correct symptoms, but she will still get a bill. It might be worth it once. Hopefully you are not responsible for paying her medical bills. NTA (forgot).
Lucythefloozie wrote:
NTA. I’m glad you and your brother are united. That’s probably how the two of you keep your sanity, with a psycho mom like that. She’s 55 right now? This is a good time for you and your brother to come up with a plan on what to do with her when she starts aging and needing more hands-on attention.
She is going to be a nightmare to deal with, in her old age. Don’t live with her or let her live with either of you.
HistoricalQuail wrote:
You're absolutely NTA but your "aunt" is right. What would have happened if it actually was a heart attack or seizure? As others pointed out, the hospital bill will be the big kick to stop this particular exhibition of her personality disorder.
It's also better safe than sorry. You will be the asshole to yourself and your brother if you both continue to go on with things as you have been. Look up gray rocking, and really reduce the time you spend with her.
Organic_Quit9297 wrote:
NTA. Although I wouldn’t call 911 unless she is actually having an emergency. Otherwise she could be taking a ride that might be life or death for someone in trouble. I would drop her off at the emergency room so she has to wait in line for a while and will probably give up.
While paying for the ambulance would definitely be a showstopper, she’s never going to stop this without getting help. Maybe talk with a therapist or a professional on how to approach this situation :)
CaityJay25 wrote:
NTA and I disagree with all the people saying you should’ve called them anyways so she could get the bill - I doubt that would actually deter her. The attention from EMS would be too valuable to her narrative. I deal with patients like this on and off (primary care, not emergency) and it’s not beneficial for anyone to feed in to the drama.
If she hadn’t gotten up and been obviously fine? Okay, sure, maybe that’s worth an EMS call - but she saw she wasn’t getting attention and so she stopped and had to go find some other way to get it (hence Facebook post about surviving a heart attack). Learn about grey rocking and use it, or go low/no contact.
Shipcomprehensive543 wrote:
I agree with your mom's friend - just call them next time. She will have to pay a lot of money for these reindeer games she is playing, assuming they are as you think they are, unreal.