"AITA for not cancelling a planned family vacation due to my daughter's newly planned wedding date?"

Ok folks, AITA here? For full context, my FIL has a medical condition and we really don't know how much time he has to be with us. At our last Christmas family get together, my MIL tells everyone that she wants to do a Christmas cruise with the family before my FIL gets to where he can't travel.

Everyone agreed, and the plan was that no one was to buy gifts for each other, and we all would use the money for the cruise instead. Earlier this year, my wife found and booked the cruise for us all. Everything was set and good to go.

Fast forward to now. My daughter's fiancé proposed a couple of weeks ago (Yay! finally!) and then a few days ago, she tells us that they are getting married in Italy. The date is 5 months after the planned cruise.

Yesterday, my wife got a text out of the blue from my daughter saying that she guessed we would need to cancel the cruise since no one could probably afford to do both months apart (They are not paying for anyone to attend btw and this is her 2nd marriage, so I'm not paying for it either lol) and that everyone should prioritize this "once in a lifetime event" - her words, not mine - over the cruise.

My younger daughter, who lives on a very modest income, had planned on the cruise for her whole family as a vacation since they don't get to do this very often with three kids. Their cruise costs is less than two tickets to Italy and hotel for three days, and they could not afford to take the kids to the wedding. So, she wants to keep the cruise planned.

My MIL wants to keep the cruise planned as it was her wish, and she and my FIL would not be able to go to Italy anyway. He is on oxygen and the logistics for them would be awful.

Everyone else is in agreement to keep the cruise, but the older daughter says we are all being selfish and that she would be very angry if we all chose an "expensive" cruise over her wedding and we could cancel and book a different cruise and a different time.

My stance is the cruise stays planned, and anyone who wants to drop out is welcome to. My wife and I will probably try to go to Italy, but if no one else can, that's kind of the consequences of having a destination wedding unless you are paying to bring everyone there. So, I ask you, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

No_bwhitt9101 said:

Nope, nope and nope. The timing for the Christmas cruise is not on a whim, it is to strategically pull the family together while it can be done. The attempt to prioritize the wedding above all is based on some sort of selfish financial reasoning that puts no consideration into what the alternate cruise/plan is and how it celebrates a brief window of time in which you can enjoy your FIL at his most able/cognizant.

“Cancel the cruise” is not the quick fix your daughter seems to think it is. Does she realize what the timing of your cruise was planned around and why? Or does she not care? And btw, it’s her second marriage - calling it a “once in a lifetime event” doesn’t ring true. NTA, stay strong.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

NTA. "My stance is the cruise stays planned, and anyone who wants to drop out is welcome to." That's completely fair, you can still spend this time with your FIL & everyone else can make their own choices. "...that's kind of the consequences of having a destination wedding unless you are paying to bring everyone there." You nailed it there.

Demented-Alpaca said:

NTA. Last line hits it: consequences of a destination wedding. Your daughter is being selfish and set a date she KNEW might cause problems with something that's already been booked? She decided to play chicken and see who's more important I guess.

celticmusebooks said:

INFO you use "my" daughter so wondering if this is not your wife's biodaughter (and thus not her bio grandparents). Either way NTA . Google "the lighthouse and the ship" an urban legend about movable and unmovable. Your last trip with the inlaws is the lighthouse.

OP responded:

Thanks for the response! Actually it's the opposite. She is my step-daughter and these are her biological grands.

Odd-End-1405 said:

NTA. Choosing a destination wedding is choosing the probability that many of your circle/family will not be in attendance so the couple can be the “selfish ones” and not worry about pressures of obligatory invites and huge party hassles.

A planned, family event months in the making, especially for a failing family member definitely trumps a wedding that was just now being discussed. A second marriage, at that, makes it not as big a deal.

You are doing right by the entire family. Older daughter can postpone her date, change her location, or just accept most of her family will not be in attendance. Is she always do entitled? You are a good son in law, husband, and dad for taking the brunt of this.

And OP responded:

"You are a good son in law, husband, and dad for taking the brunt of this." Thanks, but for full disclosure, my wife is the most upset and the one who is taking the brunt of it from the oldest daughter. I posted this hoping people would agree and show her that she should not feel bad for sticking to the plan and enjoying the time with her dad.